Why can't I stop thinking about him?

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I had a forbidden crush during my first year of college. We were fresh out of high school and coincidentally took the same english class. I knew him from high school but didn't actually get to know-know him until college because he would wait and talk with me until I got onto the light rail because he was also waiting for his ride which didn't come until much later. At the same time, he was talking to my ex-friend in a romantic way ( my friend at the time). And no, I did not attempt to get in between them.

I don't know when I started to have a crush on him but I tried to hide it so hard (b/cuz of obvi reasons). It was painful to be in the same class as him and I prayed that the semester would end faster so I wouldn't have to be near him. At the end of the semester, I stopped all contact with him and eventually got a new number which I didn't tell him about.

I occasionally saw him on campus but we only waved hello and smiled while going on our merry way.

So a couple of days ago after I got out of class, I saw him again and we had a small catching up chat. It's been 2 years since we've talked like friends. He verbally didn't say he missed me but I felt it... or maybe it was me telling myself that I missed him. I don't know, but it felt like the first time I've TRULY missed someone. And .. so now I can't stop thinking about him even though I've come to the conclusion that I don't feel that way about him anymore and I honestly can't see us together.

Advice please?

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@mincemeat,

First crushes last a long time, it's a great memory and it sounds as if you are starting to realise exactly that, " a great memory" but not for you.

You mention your "ex-friend" who he liked at that time.

My guess is that as a guy you thought was "ok" gave attention to your "then" friend, you wanted it for yourself as you saw it first hand, given she was your friend.

I'd also guess that as she isn't your friend anymore and as time has past and you are more mature you realise it for what it was, just a crush because she had his attention and you wanted "some attention" at that time.

I am sure you will meet an amazing person as well that you will have more than a crush on.

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@FOUND SOUL,

It's funny though because he wasn't my first crush. I've had boyfriends and crushes before him.

I guess at the time I did want his attention but it wasn't because I witnessed his affection for her. He was fairly new at the relationship game and never really talked to girls. Him and I were good friends and he motivated me to do well in school as he was/is a brilliant guy.

And to be clear, me not being friends with her anymore has nothing to do with this guy. In fact, it wasn't only her that I stopped being friends with. I guess I just outgrew everyone and needed to be by myself.

Thank you for the response though!

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Why can't I stop thinking about him?

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