Reply
Fri 20 Aug, 2004 10:57 am
My wife and I have been married for over 1 year and we are not having sex currently, or for the past 6 months and only 5-6 times in the last year (including Honeymoon). We are in couples therapy and have been for a while. She is doing some things which may help her to have less painful intercourse, i.e. Dialators ( these are used to expand allowing entry without as much discomfort).
We have actually been having some sex related problems for at least 2 years. I, of course, hoped we would be able to get through this, so we went ahead with the marriage plans. I do not regret getting married in the least, I love my wife. I am just not sure if I love her enough to give up sex...no I am not giving up sex, period!
My question is for women mostly (I realize most guys might already be filing for divorce at this point).
Have many women out there had similar pain during intercourse issues? If so, what was the cure if any, and did you enjoy the sex after you had repaired the problem, or was it just having sex to satisfy hubby (which is not a bad thing mind you, as long as you are not in pain, and my therapist agrees with this). Any help would be great.
I really never thought of myself as a cheating person, so that is not an option for me. I figure if I am willing to cheat, I may as well just leave on good terms...
Thanks for any responses.
I've never exp. pain during sex...but YOUR wife is, so someone needs to find out why. I'm no therapist or Dr., but I'm thinking there could be a lot of reasons she's in pain. Sexual abuse in her past? Medical reasons? She needs to see her gynocologist. Most importantly, why can't you talk to her about it? I guess I need more descriptive info. from you. Is there a Dr. in the house, a2k?
I personally know of no one who has what they describe as "pain" with intercourse who wasn't sexually abused as a child and associates the act with that painful time in their past, but I am sure it is possible that some women do experience pain, especially in the beginning, or if they have an undiagnosed std... I'm sure there are some other conditions that might make for pain, but can't think of any... I would have her checked by a physician...
In the meantime, be gentle with her. There are other ways to enjoy each other without penetration, you know... Utilize those and be kind to each other...
Let me re-phrase, I am asking for advice from people with experience with this. I am not really needing anybody's opinion. Thanks.
I remember reading about something like this and when the woman finally went in to see a gynecologist he discovered she had an oddly enlarged urethra. Turned out the guy had been taking the wrong path, if you get my drift.
Weird but true.
Beanbag01 wrote:Let me re-phrase, I am asking for advice from people with experience with this. I am not really needing anybody's opinion. Thanks.
It's
pretty damn rare, what you are describing, BB. We are trying to nicely ask if
perhaps your wife was sexually abused as a child,
comprende? That is the most common explanation for the condition you describe. Get it?
Btw,
welcome to a2k, fwiw.
Aloha, PP
Re: Married just 1 year, sex was rare, now sex is..Women hel
You should thank people for trying to help you. My husband and i have sex very rarely as i dont have the desire anymore. i am trying to find out why and get help but I know my husband would NEVER leave me because we did not have sex. God forbid if you got into an accident and could not use your thing anymore, would she leave you? probably not. If you love her help her deal with what is going on and there are other ways to satisfy eachother.
Thanks for any responses.[/quote]
As far as I know, and this includes during counseling sessions, she has never been sexually or otherwise abused. We did have a good sex life for a few years, then it slowly dwindled down to our current state.
i am not trying to be rude, so please excuse me if I seem abrupt, it's just that I have seen some of the posts here and quite frankly they get out of control with opinions. I really want to hear from women who have had this or a similar problem. Some women have already responeded in private messages and THEY know what I am talking about.
Really no offense intended. My wife and I have tried or are trying all off the known "knee jerk" ideas one has with this sort of problem. I was hoping to hear the outcome of peoples personal experiences and which methods may have worked/ not worked.
Thanks for understanding.
This is the wrong forum to post and expect only facts. Even people who have been through similar situations may have undergone them with multiple causes for their situation; one poster's fact may be viewed by another as heavily biased opinion.
There are different possible causes for the situation you describe, including physiological ones and psychological ones. If your wife has not seen a gynecological specialist, not simply a general medical doctor but a specialist, that is in order, to rule out the possibility of various physical causes for the problem.
This question might be better posed in Medical News and Health, Beanbag. While this site is advertised as a Able2know, a free knowledge exchange, it does often - as you've noted - work more as an opinion exchange. When you've posted in relationships, you're more likely to get those opinions rather than information.
I wish you luck with the difficulties you and your wife are having.
Stumble It!
Tweet This
Bookmark on Delicious
Share on Facebook
Share on MySpace