Do you censor what you say around children?

Re: Do you censor what you say around children?


Good question - yes I do.

I try not to swear around them, unless their parents swear, for example.

As for the rest, it depends on developmental stage, the child's curiosity and necessity.

I, for instance, work with seriously traumatized children - they already know how bad things can be - in the personal sense - I struggle with them to find reason and meaing about what has happened to them in terms that make sense to them. These things tend to need to be worked through again as the child's understanding grows.

I would not let small children watch stuff about natural disasters and terrible crimes, but I would be explaining them to the children when their knowledge is unavoidable, and I would not attempt to hide the existence of such things from them - however, "flooding" them with too much stuff is wrong, in my opinion.

I would ALWAYS give an answer - the detail of the answer would depend upon age, level of curiosity, and "need to know" - eg, there is no stupidity like trying to hide info about sex from a child who has been sexually abused, or who has been exposed to graphic porn - (it is damned challenging trying to find appropriate words and metaphors for them, though!) - just as there is little point trying to pretend the world is all rosy with a kid who has witnessed their mother being murdered, raped, or violently assaulted. Man, I have a weird job, eh?

As to anticipating a child's experience - I would try to do so if they needed me to for their safety, or if they were likely to be exposed to something - otherwise I would wait until the time came naturally - eg, there will always be crime and natural disaster and death etc.

I do not think there is a "magic age" - but it is worth noting that very small children are unable to comprehend the finality of death - and tend to believe that everything is THEIR fault - from earthquakes, to being abused, to mum and dad's divorce - the latter is crucial in helping kids deal with tragedies. They - or circumstances - let you know when the time has come, if you have good communication with them.

I find lots of experience with animals is great for helping kids learn naturally about death, sex, loss and the vicissitudes of life in general.

Indeed. There was an article about a high school that is also a working zoo, with a zoo part of the curriculum -- it sounded like a great place. Also did outstandingly well on the empirical side -- test scores, citizenship, and such.

I'd thought of something else I censor yesterday -- speaking badly about people the sozlet knows. Not just the outright "bad words" stuff like "stupid", but just speaking badly in a general way. E.G. and I have always had this thing where after a party or gathering we do a post mortem, and discuss various foibles as well as fun things that happened. We had already discussed a visit from my mom more freely when the kid wasn't around, and then when she was, E.G. was adding a few things and I noticed (subtle, but still) signs of distress from the sozlet, and cut that off. Even though I have a difficult relationship with my parents, they are not outright bad people, and I want her to have a good relationship with them.

The tearing-down was a big part of my childhood, and something I still have regrets about. My parents each had terrible relationships with their own parents when I was growing up, and said terrible things about them the minute the visit was over (and sometimes during), and I always felt vaguely unfaithful to my parents if I enjoyed time with my grandparents. And the atmosphere was so charged it was genuinely difficult to enjoy the time, anyway. After I grew up and left home and my parents (divorced) grew up or grew lonelier or some combination thereof, they both separately mended their relationships, and then wondered why *I* wasn't closer to my grandparents. [shrugs]

Anyway, tangent. I try to make sure to stay at least generally positive and allow her to enjoy her relationship with her grandma. Later, I might introduce more subtleties -- I don't want her to think all is perfection, and that it's disastrous if she and I have problems (as we inevitably will, sigh), but not so much now. I don't play-act within the relationship btw, if my mom says something I disagree with I go ahead and disagree with her in front of the sozlet.