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Fri 1 Apr, 2016 02:16 am
After a few meetings at a local shop where she worked, I hinted her attraction level was high, thus while I had her write down her number, I instantly asked her out that same day which she immediately agreed. I was about 30 minutes late that evening, took her to 3 different places, had a lovely dinner where she was amazed by my magic tricks and the people being very nice to me (I usually took my dates there, that's why), and sent her to her friend's house by 11:30 pm where she had sleep-over plans originally. I saw her friend cheering by the gate while she got off the car, one reason I found it awkward to kiss her.. the date lasted for about 5 hours.
Texted her the next morning then initiated contact after a week through text. With her "Hiii" and "niceee" replies, I reckon she was excited to hear from me and even enjoyed reading the book I'd lent her. But after 3 exchanges, we went no further. She could be busy from work, I thought. That afternoon I texted her if she could join with me the next day for an exciting trip to the place we talked about during our date. I knew this was a long shot since she's got work, but I was kind of testing her attraction level. Then I got no reply.
I texted her the day after that I hadn't heard from her so I went on but would just make it up to her next time. I just didn't mention that I proceeded still but with another girl I have been hooking up with for sometime - 'twas the same girl I hooked up hours prior to our first date, the reason I was late. 'Twas the same girl she had mentioned on our date which she once saw with me in my car when I went to the shop.
I radio-silenced her, I was also busy. After two weeks she texted that she'd already finished reading the book. With a smile I thought, yep that's the signal! So I called her the next morning and arranged for a definite date. And yes, I made it textbook clear, even jokingly repeated to her the details of the pick-up. She sounded very excited and kept asking me where we were going as I told her to bring her fave head cap and sunglasses. The second date was set for the next 7 days.
I religiously obeyed the famously suggested "no text, no call" rule to build up more attraction and excitement, so I thought. Then came the day. I waited at the supposed rendezvous... and you guessed it right, a flake! And to add more injury - a no show, no text, no call! I called but no answer, so I left 2 polite text messages later which included the phrases "sorry, we missed each other", "don't worry" and "take care", hoping she'd interpret as "Oh, well.. moving on" and might see me as more valuable. But nothing happened.
Ceased all communication, whatsoever. After a few weeks I learnt that she had been with her friends on vacation the day when we were supposed to meet - her Instagram revealed. She's 19, well-figured, beautiful, deep-thought working student majoring in architecture, a social media icon with numerous admirers. I'm in my 30's, not bad looking, in good shape, with a 'busy' career.
I'm just learning the dating principles since back then I did everything old school without the knowledge. I dated quality women successfully and unsuccessfully - just later realized that even I had been successful to some, mostly my actions had been so needy!
Looking back at the following methods I used:
1st attempt: Personal - successful (first date)
2nd attempt: Text - no response (but the invite I made was untimely)
3rd attempt: Phone call - she was excited but flaked. Was she really excited though?
Was the invite (bring head cap and eyeglasses) too much of pressure?
As it took 7 days waiting, should I have contacted her in between?
I should have picked her up at her house instead of meeting at a place.
Well, I still have to get the book... Any advice?
Is there a reason why you are pursuing a girl of 19?
Perhaps that's why you are having so much difficulty with communication issues.
BTW - to set a date for 7 days in the future and not connect with her at least 1 - 2 times before that is not a "dating principle."
@pwncastle,
Personally, hooking up with another woman right before going on a date with someone else is not cool in my book. She is probably better off without you, so my advice would be to leave her alone.
On a side note, I just couldn't help thinking as I read your post that you think there is some hard and fast procedures for dating and you are trying to follow what you believe these rules are. Dating is not a clinical procedure where you go from step one to step two, etc. Women are different. What might be great for one woman (not contacting her for a week after making a date) may not be good for another one. (Where in the name of sense did you ever read that you should not contact a woman you make a date with until the night of the date, even if that date night is a whole week away?)
@PUNKEY,
Thanks, Punkey. Sorry but it's unintentional... as attraction is not a choice. I used to do this old school and have been successful with quality women, well of course at times also failed. When I got into this relationship guru telling me although I had been lucky, my actions had been needy, so I became cautious and kind of proceeding by the book. I know, I could have gotten the wrong understanding about the no contact thing.. --- 7 days?? I also have been busy so time had flown fast for me... my mistake, as now I have realized.
Is there coming back from this, or simply let it go? She still has my book and it's been 3 weeks now.
@CoastalRat,
Hi, again I apologize for the seemed-immoral act. There's a big deal of a reason I had to hook up with that other girl, I had to. Different issue though.. The one thing that I was thankful for was my 19 yo date waiting for me on our first date.
I know, same explanation as above reply, following wrongly on the no contact rule.. I'd done it times to dates with up to 5-day waiting and had some flakers who would reveal alibis but would come around later.
I just didn't realize that the 7-day waiting for my 19 yo date would result to the same, no, but worse - a no show, incommunicado. I had been busy at work that's why.
Since I screwed up, can I turn this around still? Thanks for your insights.
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