Confused, Desperate, Broken.

Reply Thu 31 Mar, 2016 08:15 am
Hi guys, I really need an advice. (btw,im sorry its really long 😖)
So,I was dating a guy for 7 months but then I broke up with him. He was very insecure and was always overthinking things. He wouldn't allow me to have any guy friends, he sometimes thought that I was cheating on him and would even check my phone. Well, I surely screwed up things many times as I wasn't the type of girl to be restricted from having guy friends and stuffs. So, I would talk to some guy friends and also to my ex boyfriend, whom I consider as my childhood friend, behind his back and he would always come to know about it and we would end up fighting. I couldn't understand why my boyfriend would make such a big issue out of it cause I would only text those friends and nothing else so I decided to break up with him. When we weren't together, I met my ex boyfriend and I posted a picture of us on my instagram account. My ex, the one who was insecure, saw the post and got really mad, he whatsapped me saying that I was a b*tch and that he regrets going out with me and stuff. I was really hurt but he apologised the same day. After that, we wouldn't talk for weeks but then he would just send me a message out of the blue, being friendly and even asking me for another chance but I wasn't ready yet so I would tell him to just move on. 2 months later, he texted me saying that he passed his exams and we ended up having a good chat but then we would stop talking again. One night, I started to cry uncontrollably and I knew that I was crying because of him. So I called him and he picked up and I would ask him for forgiveness, told him how sorry I was for hurting him etc. He accepted my apology and consoled me and everything was back like before. We talked for hours, laughing etc just like the good old times when we were together. The next day he would send me a morning message and we would text all day and we talked at night just like a normal couple. He even said he wants us to meet and everything was going on really well until he started to ignore me. I couldn't stop worrying,not knowing whether I did something wrong. So I asked him if we were cool and he said that he was busy those days and was too tired so he had to go to bed early. I trusted him and tried to not make an issue out of it until he completely ignored me. He stopped replying to my texts and so I asked him again if something's wrong and he said that he learnt how to live without me or whatsoever so I just told him that I understand so we kind of 'broke up'. But then the very next day, he sent me a message saying 'I miss you'. I replied saying that i missed him too but then he wouldn't text back. I even whatsapped him but he never responded. We then didn't talk for 6 days. I was then the one to go and talk to him again. I asked him why did he just disappear and to my greatest surprise, he started being really rude to me. He started saying stuffs like 'I hate you, I don't want you back in my life' and also told me that he was in a relationship with someone (i'm pretty sure its a rebound relationship) It was really hurtful but I wanted to save our relationship so I would beg him to give me another chance but in vain. I texted him the next day but he didnt respond. As I couldn't stop myself, I re texted him the next day saying that I would stay no matter how long it would take for things to get back like before but he was super rude again and he would tell me all the past mistakes that I made and that he didn't want to get hurt again so he wouldn't give me any other chance. I then didn't text him for like 10 days. I then contacted his best friend and asked him to help me out. He tried his best to help me but my ex would tell him that he already has someone now and that he's not obliged to love only me. The very same day, my ex whatsapped me asking me if I wanted to put a fight between him and his best friend. That was so stupid 😑 It's not what I wanted obviously. I tried my best again to get him back but he told me that he moved on already and that I should do the same and that he won't come back again. I then decided to really try to move on so I deleted his number and he did the same..I really can't understand how he was so in love with me few weeks ago and then just claims that he hates me few days later. I don't know if he was seeking for revenge but he's not this type of guy. He really loved me for a very long time and I know that I didn't give him his chance when he asked me to give him one and he was so hurt and went through all this struggle alone. I really regret all my past mistakes and I tried my best to win him back but now it seems like he moved on and Idk what to do ☚ī¸ Idk why I feel that he still loves me but he's trying to convince himself that he doesn't and that he's better off without me.
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Reply Thu 31 Mar, 2016 10:54 am
@The new girl,
The new girl wrote:

Hi guys, I really need an advice. (btw,im sorry its really long 😖)
So,I was dating a guy for 7 months but then I broke up with him. He was very insecure and was always overthinking things. He wouldn't allow me to have any guy friends, he sometimes thought that I was cheating on him and would even check my phone. ...

I'm sorry, I only skimmed after this. But it's all anyone needs to know.

Don't go back to this controlling individual.
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Reply Thu 31 Mar, 2016 08:08 pm
@The new girl,
I take it you are very young.

I didn't read a single thing you did that you needed to apologise for. To me your behaviour (other than the apologising) was normal, and rational, and his 'hurt' wasn't.

Any woman who provided a similar story, I would tell the run the other way, and hard.

The alternative often includes:
- ongoing emotional & psychological abuse (this one already shows a staggering amount of evidence)
-the destruction of your self worth
- the reliance on short term highs (and the larger portion of down periods)
- the loss of long term happiness
- a life controlled by your partner: your movements, who you can be friends with, when you can see them, why you are a slut etc whenever you want to see a male friend (this isn't the case, but such men want you to believe that it is)
- the loss of friends / separation from family members...usually the ones that try to warn you off such a 'man'

Often, such character traits can lead from emotional/psychological abuse, to overt control, to physical violence, with the woman slowly lead deeper and deeper into a feeling of powerlessness.

Few women get into a relationship where their boyfriend beats them on the first date, or 2nd, or 3rd etc (perhaps...really perhaps...a hopeless drug addict might). Sometimes it develops over months, sometimes over a couple of years.

If you still don't comprehend, start reading examples from Domestic Violence support sites, where women explain how they were drawn in.
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