6
   

Help for writing an essay

 
 
cdupont
 
Sun 20 Mar, 2016 04:19 am
Hello,

I'm from France and I have to write an essay about 3 documents. The subject is : How to become part of Great British history ?
My writing skills aren't really good neither is my grammar. I would like to know if you could help me correct my mistakes ? And also I would like to know what do you think about my essay Smile Is the whole thing answering the question : How to become part of the Great British story ?

Thank you so much!

Each country has its very own culture and history but Great Britain is one of these countries that have a worldly admired and one-of-a-kind heritage. Indeed, British literature, theatre, art or even schools are very influential and respected across the world. A few of them are illustrated in the three documents we are about to study. The first one is an extract from Two Lives (2005) by Vikram Seth which tells the story of a boy arriving to his new school. The second document is the scene 6, Act 1, from a play called « Educating Rita ». In this scene, the main character Rita just went to see a play McBeth and is now having a conversation about it with her tutor. The last document is the speech of J.K Rowling to Harvard’s students.
How to become a part of the Great British story ?

Great Britain has many world-known, myths, authors and universities. For example, we can see in the extract of Educating Rita, in which Rita just comes from the theatre where she saw MacBeth, to see her tutor, that she is very excited and happy about the tragedy and the story. She even bought the book and also quotes the play : « Out, out, brief candle … ». In the play, this quote from McBeth reffers to his wife’s life (she dies). Shakespeare not only talks about Lady Macbeth’s life, but also ours. These myths always have morals which are supposed to inspire and guide the ones who read or saw the story. The quote here seems to really inspire Rita who seems like a very common girl by looking at her accent : « me seat », « an’ », « y’ ». The incredible asset of Shakespeare is that his litterature reaches all kind of people from the lower class to higher one. By writing this play, Willy Russell, presents Shakespeare’s plays as universal which makes him part of the Great British history.
The third document, which is the speech of J.K Rowling, is a great inspiration for the younger generation who either wants to follow her steps or just follow their heart and do what they think is best for them. In fact, we can hear in the recording that she wasn’t always « supported » by her surroundings : « I was striking an uneasy balance between the ambition I had for myself, and what those closest to me expected of me. ». By sharing her story to the students, she shows how hard it can be to persuade parents to let their kids do what they really want to grow into. This message not only applies to students but for the whole population of the world. And by being such an inspirational model not only for Great Britain but for the whole world, she is a hero and she is one of Great Britain’s biggest figure.
J.K Rowling could also reffer to student from the first document who wants to apply to Oxford. One of the criteria to apply to this university is to have studied an European language which he couldn’t in his native country : India. He seems like a very hardworking and good student but unluckily the renowned university said that « no waiver would be granted ». We can see how hard it can be for some students to accept the fact they won’t be able to go to such prestigious universities, in this case a British one but this doesn’t mean they aren’t any other solution. Seeing how « dispiritful », the student was, confirms the prestige and reputation of Oxford. And the fact that so many people’s dream is to get into this school really means that it’s part of the British history.
The backround of the characters from all of the three documents is also really worth having a look to. Indeed we can see that the student who wants to apply to Oxford is from India. Rita, the girl who saw the MacBeth play seems to be a girl from a very common backround as we said before. Also, the speech of J.K Rowling is adressed to Harvard’s students. This American university welcomes students from all over the world from France to Australia.

To sum up everything, we can say that to become part of Great British history, people need to spread a positive and inspiring message, wether it’s a moral (Shakespeare in MacBeth) or some advices (J.K Rowling) which can touch and apply to all kinds of people, from the past generation, the present one and also the future one from the lower social class to the higher one. . They are not only known in Great Britain but also all accross the world which makes Great Britain a coutry proud of his heritage and culture.
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Tes yeux noirs
 
  1  
Sun 20 Mar, 2016 04:57 am
@cdupont,
Altogether a good effort, but a few points (there are more things you need to get right, mainly punctuation and use of articles, but English speakers get these wrong too!). Pay attention to spelling differences between similar words in French and English.

Don't use "Great British". Use "British". Great Britain is a geographical term for the land mass containing England Wales and Scotland.

Use "well-known, not "world-known".

In English writing, there is no space before question and exclamation marks, colons, etc.

Don't use guillemets in English writing. Use quotes.

she is one of Great Britain’s biggest figures.

Quote:
could also reffer to student from the first document who wants to apply to Oxford

refer; a student

Dispirited not dispiritful.

Literature has one 't' only.

Background, not backround




0 Replies
 
Tes yeux noirs
 
  1  
Sun 20 Mar, 2016 06:18 am
Quote:
Literature has one 't' only.

Sorry, my mistake, it has two Ts, not three!
0 Replies
 
PUNKEY
 
  0  
Sun 20 Mar, 2016 05:14 pm
Each country has its very own culture and history, but Great Britain is one that has a worldly admired and one-of-a-kind heritage.
0 Replies
 
selectmytutor
 
  -4  
Tue 22 Mar, 2016 03:25 am
@cdupont,
You have done some grammatical mistakes which I have corrected.

Each country has its very own culture and history but Great Britain is one of these countries that have a worldly admired and one-of-a-kind heritage. Indeed, British literature, theatre, art or even schools are very influential and respected across the world. A few of them are illustrated in the three documents we are about to study. The first one is an extract from Two Lives (2005) by Vikram Seth which tells the story of a boy arriving at his new school. The second document is the scene 6, Act 1, from a play called « Educating Rita ». In this scene, the main character Rita just went to see a play McBeth and is now having a conversation about it with her tutor. The last document is the speech of J.K Rowling to Harvard’s students.
How to become a part of the Great British story ?

Great Britain has many world-known, myths, authors and universities. For example, we can see in the extract of Educating Rita, in which Rita just comes from the theatre where she saw MacBeth, to see her tutor, that she is very excited and happy about the tragedy and the story. She even bought the book and also quotes the play : « Out, out, brief candle … ». In the play, this quote from McBeth refers to his wife’s life (she dies). Shakespeare not only talks about Lady Macbeth’s life, but also ours. These myths always have morals which are supposed to inspire and guide the ones who read or saw the story. The quote here seems to really inspire Rita who seems like a very common girl by looking at her accent : « me seat », « an’ », « y’ ». The incredible asset of Shakespeare is that his literature reaches all kind of people from the lower class to higher one. By writing this play, Willy Russell, presents Shakespeare’s plays as universal which makes him part of the Great British history.
The third document, which is the speech of J.K Rowling, is a great inspiration for the younger generation who either wants to follow her steps or just follow their heart and do what they think is best for them. In fact, we can hear in the recording that she wasn’t always « supported » by her surroundings : « I was striking an uneasy balance between the ambition I had for myself, and what those closest to me expected of me. ». By sharing her story with the students, she shows how hard it can be to persuade parents to let their kids do what they really want to grow into. This message not only applies to students but for the whole population of the world. And by being such an inspirational model not only for Great Britain but for the whole world, she is a hero and she is one of Great Britain’s biggest figure.
J.K Rowling could also refer to a student from the first document who wants to apply to Oxford. One of the criteria to apply to this university is to have studied a European language which he couldn’t in his native country : India. He seems like a very hardworking and good student but unluckily the renowned university said that « no waiver would be granted ». We can see how hard it can be for some students to accept the fact they won’t be able to go to such prestigious universities, in this case, a British one but this doesn’t mean they aren’t any other solution. Seeing how « di spiritful », the student was, confirms the prestige and reputation of Oxford. And the fact that so many people’s dreams are to get into this school really means that it’s part of the British history.
The background of the characters from all of the three documents is also really worth having a look too. Indeed, we can see that the student who wants to apply to Oxford is from India. Rita, the girl who saw the MacBeth play seems to be a girl from a very common background as we said before. Also, the speech of J.K Rowling is addressed to Harvard’s students. This American university welcomes students from all over the world from France to Australia.

To sum up everything, we can say that to become part of Great British history, people need to spread a positive and inspiring message, whether it’s a moral (Shakespeare in MacBeth) or some advice (J.K Rowling) which can touch and apply to all kinds of people, from the past generation, the present one and also the future one from the lower social class to the higher one. . They are not only known in Great Britain but also all across the world which makes Great Britain a country proud of his heritage and culture.
jespah
 
  5  
Tue 22 Mar, 2016 05:48 am
@selectmytutor,
selectmytutor wrote:

You have done .made some grammatical mistakes which I have corrected.....


So have you, and way more than in this one example.
0 Replies
 
Tes yeux noirs
 
  2  
Tue 22 Mar, 2016 08:41 am
Selectmytutor's effort is much worse than the original. Cdupont, ignore it!
0 Replies
 
 

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