Not sure what to do

Forums: Relationships, Advice
Email this Topic • Print this Page

Hi All,

Basically i've been seeing this girl for the last month and a half.
Things have been going well, like really well.
We've made out, had sex, we hold hands and kiss sometimes.. although she's not used to the hand holding and kissing yet, her last 2 boyfriends were abusive and she's been through a lot with abusive father etc.
She told me at the start she's bi, but didin't really say what she prefers.

Now, we had a chat and basically she finds it weird being with a guy as she says she's 90% gay and wants to find out for sure before making things anymore official, she's always been on the fence, her 1st ex left her because she couldn't decide if she was gay or straight.
She wants to keep things as it is but she doesn't want to promise a future, i don't really expect her to promise anything anyways because it's only been a month and a bit..

I'm just not sure what to do.. i've never been in this position.
Part of me wants to keep it like it is which she wants too so she can see if she'll change and if it the weirdness goes away, but she also wants to be single and explore her gay side to see if that's what she really wants.

I'm happy to be with her and her explore her gay side but what boundaries do i set?
But the thing is, she doesn't want to see other guys, she's just not sure about guys in general but she's told me if she wants to see a guy she'd always see me, because i make her happy and all that.

Any tips? Part of me wants to let go and let her explore and hope she comes back but part of me wants to keep seeing her exclusively like we are and hope the weirdness goes away, i'd probably cut the hand holding and only kiss back when she initiates to help make up her mind.

By the way, she's 20 and i'm 22.

Thanks guys.

Topic Stats
Top Replies
Link to this Topic

Type: Question • Score: 0 • Views: 443 • Replies: 4

No top replies

@dkirin,

You had me until the last paragraph or so. Not initiate affection? That just sounds passive-aggressive to me. Either you date and have a regular old relationship and exchange affection more or less equally, or you don't have much of a relationship. If I were dating someone who didn't initiate affection, I would not hang around for long. Perhaps that's what you truly desire. If it is, then do both of you a favor and end it now.

If you don't want to end it, talk to her. Try to figure this out together. Relationships generally mean a certain degree of exclusivity. What's your degree? Are you both comfortable with it? If you aren't both on the same page, and it's too difficult, then again, consider throwing in the towel. There is no shame in doing so if it's not working out.

1 Reply

@jespah,

Well, until she's comfortable with it.. she wasn't really into the holding hands and stuff with her ex'es but she doesn't hate it.
It just makes her uncomfortable right now, like only sometimes though because she feels like the closer we get the more off balance she gets, and she's just not sure about guys at the moment, but i know she likes me and she does want to keep it like it is but yeah..
I guess she wants to date but doesn't feel comfortable enough to hold hands yet.

I've just never been in this position before..
She's happy being exclusive, like she doesn't want to see other guys and she is really into me but she also feels weird being with a guy at the same time.. very confusing.

Is it normal for someone to be dating exclusively and letting them explore there female side?

1 Reply

@dkirin,

I have no idea - but it really only matters if you're both okay with it.

Frankly, she sounds like she has no idea what she wants. Do you really want to hang around while she gets her act in gear? Because she may end up not choosing you (or even men) anyway. And in the meantime, you'd have been, potentially, missing out on experiences.

1 Reply

@jespah,

I guess that's true..

I don't know, would you wait around if you were in my shoes? Because i actually like her a lot, and i know she likes me too, but yeah..

At the start she did say she see's potential but yeah, i know if she was to be with a guy it'd be me because i actually make her happy and she's really into me, but i guess at the same time she could actually prefer being with a girl, she did say she thinks she's 90% gay but she isn't sure.

I think i might just hang around for a few weeks and see what happens, i know she doesn't want other guys which is good.

How would one try and make the other person straight anyway?

0 Replies

Not sure what to do

Related Topics

Quick Links

My Account

able2know