Please, help me kill Winnie.

What about "Whack Winnie!"?

Combine exorcism, therapy and wiffleball practice. So it isn't really Winnie that he's whacking? Of course, not. He's practicing on the fake Winnie so when the real Winnie shows up Little Mo and Biscuit are going to make Winnie one sorry symbol.

If the grandparents ever visit, you might want to put the whiffleball bat Up High and Out Of Sight.

I wouldn't be a bit surprised if Winnie personifies the chaos, confusion and indifference of the grandparental homestead.

Meanwhile, everything that you're doing about Winnie--whether or not it seems to work--is a demonstration of your love and care. Winnie is tedious right now as well as being a worry, but Winnie will vanish.

It makes a whole lot of sense.

I think probably the biggest anti-Winnie thing you can do is continue to be your loving, nurturing, protective self. Then Winnie will fade -- though probably not nearly as fast as you'd like. (I'm getting mighty impatient with the dinos, too -- I'd thought that was all over -- but expected there would be some insecurity when we moved, and there has been progress, just a bit two steps forward one step back.)

Meanwhile, Winnie-the-toy who can be flung sounds great. The cat thing sounds great too. One more thing that he has control over -- a protective toy he can grab, monster flashlight, whatever -- and I think you're well on your way.

Well let me rephrase that -- I think you already DID all the right things, and Winnie faded, and then in the natural scheme of things (sozlet is forever doing something, good or bad, that fades and then resurfaces) Winnie is back... and she'll fade again.

This has been a real "Ah-ha" moment. Thank you for helping me think it all through.

Things have been chaotic around here lately. Mo and I took a vacation and then we had house guests and then we went to the beach for a few days. Mr. B has been working around the clock lately, further throwing our schedules off.

Maybe Winnie shows up when things get crazy.

Luckily, our hectic days are behind us so maybe now things will get back to a Winnie-less normal.

That certainly all makes sense.

And yep, Winnie-less normal is probably just around the corner a ways.

It is monsters with my 3 yr old and what works with him is when he cries monsters are getting him I remind him no remember daddy made the monsters leave, the went to the beach. he will ask why and I tell him because they like the water and they play in the water so they are not here. it seems to work when i turn something scary into something fun. now he always tells me the monsters are at the beach. Though If you live by the beach i would pick the mountains or somewhere else:) Good luck!

Hi swestover!

We live in Oregon so we're an hour from the beach, an hour from the mountains, an hour and a half from the desert and about 10 minutes from the forest! I'll have to send Winnie to Jupiter!

Turning scary into fun is a good idea though.

Thank you!

Reading along, it occurred to me that maybe the single most important component of the "Mommy there's a [personalized monster]" thing is just the reassurance qua reassurance. I'm not sure if the specific form even matters that much -- the reassurance that someone protective is there and listening may be paramount.

Have you asked Mo how he thought Winnie could be dealt with? He may have some great ideas that you could build on. I think that his talking about those ideas will make him feel stronger and less fearful. I agree that making a game out of Winnie is not as good an idea as leaving him behind.

I totally agree with you that the fear of Winnie is a convenient way for him to show the fears he had in his entire early life. I think a lot of love (I know you give this) and comforting and hugging right after a Winnie moment (of whatever kind) will be helpful.

It is possible that your trying to avoid Winnie (I think you said you did that) may have inadvertently made Winnie loom even larger in Mo's eyes... like you were scared, too, y'know?

I also admit that I don't like the idea of Mo's harming a Winnie-stand-in. Violence begets violence, etc. To me, it is more important to show that Winnie is impotent and nothing to be afraid of. A big nothing. In fact, you could start calling Winnie, that Big Nothing, or some such thing that would be more appealing in your household.

Sad really, because I adore Winnie-the-Pooh. Does Mo? Could you transfer the name Winnie to a good character and leave that Winnie-the-Big-Nothing behind?

Wow, this has been interesting and instructive. And poor Mo ...

Soz, that's what I was wondering when I asked "could this be a test?"! I'm thinking he just wants to make sure that I'm paying attention.

Hi Piffka - asking Mo what he thinks!? What a great idea.

I don't avoid Winnie but always address her when she comes up. I admit that resorting to violence may be the only thing that will make Winnie leave. I've tried all kinds of "Winnie can't bother us, Winnie can't hurt us, Winnie can't come here" things and Winnie still shows up.

I don't really want to pooh-pooh Winnie (no Winnie the Pooh pun intended.... well, maybe) because she is such a big deal to Mo. It's just a hunch but it seems important that I take her seriously.

Hi nimh! I agree - this has been interesting and instructive. I've really thought and learned a lot here.

Another kind of aside thought -- I'm not sure if it has anything to do with Winnie because I haven't tracked but it is certainly something I could use advice on...

Mo has a great aunt (his mother's aunt) who pickes him up about every third weekend to go to dinner at his great-grandparents house. She calls him about once a week too. I like her and I like Mo to have contact with his biological family so this is all good.

BUT, each week she makes a big deal about whether "Mom" will be there or not -- warning me to prepare Mo for her presence or absence.

This week I finally said "Auntie - he never mentions whether she's there or not. You must understand that he has lived here half his life (more than that if you count the overnights before he moved in, plus, he's not yet four years old). When he talks about her, or his father, we talk, otherwise it doesn't come up. He loves to see you and he talks about you and he really looks forward to seeing you. I don't make a big deal about "mom" and I really wish you wouldn't either."

Was I off base? I know that his mother's family likes to think that he is still "connected" to her, but in truth, he is not. At least not in that mother-son way. Auntie seemed a little offended.

We have photos up of Mo's mother, and his father, and of them all together.

Honestly thought, keeping all this in the present tense just seems to make things worse sometimes.

What do you think?

Eek.

I think I'd have to know more about the situation, more about how much contact he does have with his parents, what their relationship has been like...

Man that's a toughie. Some of the random thoughts I'm having include, if you take any sort of don't talk about the parents stance, that's the kind of thing that could bite you in the butt later. But at the same time, what a disruptor for him...

Gonna plead not enough info on this one. I certainly don't envy you the complication. Parenting a 3.75 yr old is already plenty complicated.

Hey soz - he doesn't have a "relationship" with either parent.

He sees his mom for about 2-3 hours each month.

He sees his dad less than that.

I've kept extensive records but I haven't counted up the hours since our court date last July. At that time, in the last 19 months he had seen his dad for 96 hours total and his mom for 136 hours -- this is out of over 10,000 hours, just to help keep things in perspective.

We DO talk about his parents whenever he brings them up. We have photos of his parents up on the wall of his room. I LOVE his mother, despite everything. The fact is, he does not talk about them or seem to think about them at all.

Maybe we're not getting the full picture of what happens when Winnie shows up.

What a story this is, I'm so glad that Mo has you because it sounds like he's been though the wringer.

I was thinking that you could try to encourage Mo to draw Winnie. That is often used to help kids get control of their past. Maybe you could get some insight into what he's thinking. Give him control of the picture afterwards -- as in do you want to save it to look at later, or would you like to recycle it? There are loads of places the picture could be kept -- in a safety deposit box, if you have one, or a safe, or the fireplace.

That's a good idea, Piffka. Mo loves to paint so we drag out painting stuff several times a week. Mostly he paints non-representational stuff, sticks and storm clouds (hey, he's an Oregonian) but if prodded to paint something specific, say.... Winnie, he might take a stab at it.

I'd be interesting in hearing how it goes. Hoping for the best for you two.

Winnie has reappeared in a big way lately.

I think its all the spooky-spooky Halloween cartoons that are on these days that made her come back.

We have made up a Halloween story that involves Mo and the Mighty Biscuit (and assorted friends) vanquishing Winnie and sending her packing, sobbing, via city bus back home to her rocking chair.

I have to tell the story at least 15 times a day.

I don't know if it will help kill Winnie by making her a beatable or if I'm just making things worse.

Right now having Winnie run off scared seems to be working.

Perhaps we shall see the light at the end of the Winnie tunnel!

So sorry Boomer!

Wow. Boomer, what a bummer.

<Heehee, I didn't mean that to sound so funny.> But, y'know, maybe that's what you've got to do with Winnie. Make fun of her.

Can you get Mo to take a hand in this? I love the image of sending her packing onto the bus and back to her rocking chair. Can you help him talk about the places where she goes -- like past the garbage dump where it's stinky... or to the police station where she gets arrested. Maybe he can begin to imagine that rocking chair having a breakdown. Maybe the bus is full and she has to stand all the way because there aren't any nice people to give her a seat. Maybe she trips and falls and gets a bloody nose. I dunno, but he might.

Courage, Mo. You are bigger than Winnie.

Piffka those are really wonderful ideas. I love all those bad things happening to Winnie.

Mo participates in this Winnie story a great deal. The last time we told it this afternoon, Mo's friends B. and S. were chasing her too. He is good at embellishing. Cat sounds, dog sounds, angry neighbors.

Although we are talking about Winnie more, she seems to be losing some power!