I saw this hot-looking woman walking down the gravel road!

Edit [Moderator]: Moved from General to Humor.

She was walking down the road when I first saw her.

I had been busy fixing a section of my fence. My thoughts were as entangled as the barb wire which lay at my feet. The way I figured it, some kind of animal had tried to crash the fence the previous evening, attempting to make a tender morsel out of one of my prized capybaras. Probably a mountain lion judging from the damage to the fence.

It was only midmorning, but hot as hell. The sun beat down on me mercilessly. I stood up for a second, grabbed my bandana from the top pocket of my overalls, and began to wipe my brow.

That's when I saw her. Walking down the gravel road across from my swamp.

I know just about everyone in the county, but I sure as hell had never seen this dame before. She was hot. Even from this distance ( 234 yards ) I could tell that this was a special woman. I began to lust for her. My thoughts briefly were diverted to Gertrude. I thought of her down at the cafe, serving coffee to the morning rush, her apron clinging provocatively to her ample hips, her ruby-red lips forming that quintessential pout, and the eyes of all male patrons mentally undressing her as she whisked around the room, carrying trays burgeoning with pancakes and hot sausage,

But then I thought, "Screw Gertrude. She's got nothing on this broad."

I stood up and straightened my overalls. I made a quick dash to my truck. I knew I had to get out there fast before someone picked her up.

I glanced in the mirror. I'm still a pretty good lookin' guy if you discount the bryophytic nose and the alcohol-ravaged eyes. There was a day when my eyes were crystal clear, the whites brilliant as new snow, the pupils black as Satan's soul. Now they are streaked with red. They look like some kind of friggin crazy road map or one of the spider webs you see in the science books, when scientists give spiders LSD and they weave these really crazy-lookin' webs. Yep, those are my eyes.

Can't explain the moss on the nose. It was just there one morning when I woke up. I can shave it down to a respectable level, but there's always that tinge of green.

But I didn't have time to dress up. I jumped in the truck and sped down the driveway.

Halfway down my driveway I spotted a damn tree blocking the road. Lightning must've struck it the night before. Damn! I jumped out of the truck and grabbed my chainsaw from the back. I made quick work of the tree and jumped back in the truck.

I reached the gravel road and...... nothing. She was gone.

There was a faint trail of dust settling to the west. Someone had picked her up and driven off. Probably one of those friggin' Peterson boys.

So I went back to fixing my fence. But I am haunted by the image of that woman.

I reckon tonight I'll head into town and ask around.

I'll keep you posted.