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WHAT DO YOU THINK?

 
 
Reply Thu 11 Feb, 2016 04:22 pm
I'll give a back story. We've been coworkers for six years now. I recently quit and hardly see him. But I'll give a list of what he's done.

1st year of knowing him-
-always eyeballed me, smiled at me, hardly ever spoke to me, and sometimes I would look look over and he would look away quickly, when he spoke to our group, which he was the leader of the session I was in. He seemed to always look at me when he spoke. But again we hardly ever spoke alone with each other, I didn't like him when I first met him, I remember my first day of work and our eyes met and his arms were crossed and he watched me. But one incident where I was getting harassed by another coworker and and he punched me in the arm hard, and this "friend" man seemed to come from no where and yelled at the man to never hurt or touch a women. Again, he walked off and didn't speak to me.

2ND year-we got closer and I finally chatted with him. It was mutual conversations and he got to learn a lot about my past relationship with an awful ex. He teased me constantly, pushed and playfully punched me. He would compliment me during sessions, stop and tell me a compliment he once told me my new hair cut looked nice when my boyfriend didn't even notice. But this year, he eyeballed me constantly, but wasn't quit sure to consider him a friend because he never asked for my number or my email. And I figured out why, my oblivious self, he's been wearing a wedding ring.

3RD year- as he learned more and more about me, we got closer and closer, he learned about my boyfriend and all he tried to do was talk to me and convince me he wasn't the right guy for me. and go figure he wasn't. He cheated. And I cried to him. And he was there, he was always there to chat and give me advice and his opinion on things. He's always giving me his opinion. He's a blunt, very mature, old fashioned type of man. Always ask me to walk with him to get coffee. And that's when he noticed my scars on my wrist. He suggested that I went to counseling to get better, and suggested the counselor down the hall from our office. I went. And he tagged along. When I couldn't talk and cried he talked for me. This year, he stopped eyeballing me and looking away so quickly when I saw him. Always smiled and waved at me. still teases me. bit again. doesn't ask for my number or to go out anywhere. I have seen him out side of work on several occasions for instance I was at a farmers market and my other coworker spotted him with his wife, we assumed it was his wife. though he had his arms crossed following behind her with her in lead and guess what kids right beside her. My coworker knew that it was his wife because she knew of her. And I guess, I didn't want to barge in and greet him, but from what my friend said, when he spotted me his whole demeanour changed and he kept glancing at me and or would stare at me. I even saw him staring at me as I walked past a booth. He didn't greet me or say anything. But later on in the parking lot they drove by and he honked and waved. The next day he told me he didn't see me until I was in the parking lot.

4TH Year- this is the year he stopped complimenting me so much not like he stopped all around together, but then o heard a rumour we had sex in his office from a former coworker and I was baffled. I could tell he tried to avoid me, but whenever we were around he would smile and or our acknowledge I was there with a smile. And whenever I saw him out of work when he was alone , he did subtle greetings such as resting his arm on the inside of my arm passing me with a rub. We would still chat here and there. always asked how I was. Who I was texting. And still teased. I never saw him eyeball me again. At the end of the year around Christmas he asked me "do you think when I leave this building I stop thinking about you? " and I didn't know what to say. He was again always there for me, always glancing at me and checking In on me and my life.

5TH year- things tumbled I didn't take his advice on a boyfriend of mine he didn't like like and constantly told me he isn't good. It seemed his advice went through one of my ears and out the other. He ignored me and I could tell he tried to completely avert his way to see me. After finally coming and talking to him after he got mad when he saw a dispute between my boyfriend who showed up at my work. I told him I called of off. And there after he seemed happy. When I told him I quit and I was debating on moving out of town my last few days we held a party. I wore a dress, and I saw him continue to glance at me as people gave me their speeches about my five years of working with the company. He gave me a hug, it was the first time him and I hugged, which I forgot to mention, he would ask for hugs randomly. They weren't side or long hugs but they were heartfelt. My last day we took a picture and again no number switches, and the last world I said to him that year I said "you'll know you'll miss me" and he just smiled at me.

6Th Year- 8 months pased, and I finally moved to my home town and decided to come visit the company. He looked extremely excited to see me and we hugged. and we sat down and catched up. He told me his wife and kids were out of town for a couple of months. As time was running out, and worker were getting off he said "what are you doing later today?" And I was confused he's never asked that, and I said "what why?" And he quickly shot back. "Well, I mean, uh, do you have plans later today." And I remember widening my eyes he quickly said "unless you are busy visiting people' and he then changed the subject all together. After the catching up. I left and he gave me another hug. And from there on I have been coming into our company to visit once a week. And ever week is so all around different. he nearly hugs me every time. And one instance, I told him how I was with a man now, and he knew of the man, and after that oh my god, he always seemed angry and I got word, he has been moody lately. And I saw him at a concert with my new boyfriend, and my friend just avoided me all around before this, but then he saw me with my new boyfriend came up to me and punched me and teased me and spoke to me like we didn't stop talking, he even brought up an old inside joke, didn't even glance at my Bf, when he handed out some pamphlets for auctions he handed me one without looking at me too log and handed my boyfriend one, and when I looked back at my boyfriend after he handed him the pamphlet he looked pissed, and irritated. And was shaking his head. I didn't bother to speak to him about it. And a few days later him and I broke up. Again another failure . Three months passed two days ago I decided to come in after going to a company greeting he saw me and walked past me and rubbed my shoulder down to my arm without saying a word or making eye contact. So at the company he sat me down and we talked, he asked so many questions, smiled and laughed and teased and punched me. And told me he misses me, and when I told him J was debating on moving again, he was negative and talked me out of it. He said "you look good, I mean you look healthy, and happy, you look really good." And he asked about my boyfriends and I said I was single and he was glad I was it seemed. Later on he was constantly laughing and smiling and would look at me, and look away, and I kept asking what what is it and he looked at me, and said " I just really love this song." It was Jessie's girl by Rick Springfield. And when we were chatting about a former coworker ending up pregnant with two different mens baby he said something about sex, and said sex is okay as long it is protected, and I laughed, and he looked at me with a smile, and bus eyes were glossy, and kept asking what while I laughed. He then said after a few other things we chatted about he said " I often think of you" and that nearly ended our conversation, and we stood up and said "can I ask for a hug" so I gave him one. it was close and it was longer then our hugs before. My chest was to his, and my chin was on his shoulder, and our faces next to each other, his arms were over me and I wrapped mine under his. I just.... I just don't know what to do?. I walked off. He smiled. ND said "take care of your self please." I am assuming this guy doesn't like me but man, of it not weird how he acts sometimes.

WHAT DO YOU GUYS THINK?

Should I try to reach out and ask about his marriage, and suggest being friends who actually go out to do things? Should I try to get to know his personal life with his wife and his kids?

I care for this man, I consider him a friend,he's said I am friend too, but I want to be friends who actually interact outside of work.
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ossobuco
 
  2  
Reply Thu 11 Feb, 2016 04:31 pm
@Kaseykburns,
I think you need to learn to write in paragraphs so people will want to read what you write.
I'll try.
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Thu 11 Feb, 2016 04:49 pm
@ossobuco,
Kasey, I couldn't just read it, too densely written for me. I've broken it down fairly fast and roughly. I'll think about the 'what to do' question.


I'll give a back story. We've been coworkers for six years now. I recently quit and hardly see him. But I'll give a list of what he's done.

1st year of knowing him-
-always eyeballed me, smiled at me, hardly ever spoke to me, and sometimes I would look look over and he would look away quickly, when he spoke to our group he was the leader of session I was in. He seemed to always look at me when he spoke. But again we hardly ever spoke to each other, I didn't like him when I first met him, I remember my first day of work and our eyes met and his arms were crossed and he watched me.

But one incident where I was getting harassed by another coworker and he punched me in the arm hard, and this man seemed to come from no where and yelled at the man to never hurt or touch a women. Again, he walked off and didn't speak to me.

2ND year-
we got closer and I finally chatted with him. It was mutual conversations and he got to learn a lot about my past relationship with an awful ex. He teased me constantly, pushed and playfully punched me. He would compliment me during sessions stop and tell me a compliment

he once told me my new hair cut looked nice when my boyfriend didn't even notice. But this year, he eyeballed me constantly, but wasn't quit sure to consider him a friend because he never asked for my number or my email. And I figured out why, my oblivious self, he's been wearing a wedding ring.

3RD year -
as he learned more and more about me, we got closer and closer, he learned about my boyfriend and all he tried to do was talk to me and convince me he wasn't the right guy for me. and go figure he wasn't. He cheated.

And o crowd to him.

And he was there, he was always there to chat and give me advice and his no pinion on things. He's always giving me his opinion. He's a blunt, very mature, old fashioned type of man. Always ask me to walk with him to get coffee. And that's when he noticed my scars on my wrist.

He suggested that I went to counseling to get better, and suggested the counselor down the hall from our office. I went. And he tagged along. When I couldn't talk and cried he talked for me.

This year, he stopped eyeballing me and looking away so quickly when I saw him. Always smiled and waved at me. still teases me. bit again. doesn't ask for my number or to go out anywhere. I have seen him out side of work on several occasions for instance I was at a farmers market and my other coworker spotted him with his wife, we assumed it was his wife. though he had his arms crossed following behind her with her in lead and guess what kids right beside her. My coworker knew that it was his wife because she knew of her. And I guess, I didn't want to barge in and greet him, but from what my friend said, when he spotted me his whole demeanour changed and he kept glancing at me and or would stare at me. I even saw him staring at me as I walked past a booth. He didn't greet me or say anything. But later on in the parking lot they drove by and he honked and waved. The next day he told me he didn't see me until I was in the parking lot.

4TH Year-
this is the year he stopped complimenting me so much not like he stopped all around together, but then o heard a rumour we had sex in his office from a former coworker and I was baffled. I could tell he tried to avoid me, but whenever we were around he would smile and or our acknowledge I was there with a smile.

And whenever I saw him out of work when he was alone , he did subtle greetings such as resting his arm on the inside of my arm passing me with a rub. We would still chat here and there. always asked how I was. Who I was texting. And still teased. I never saw him eyeball me again. At the end of the year around Christmas he asked me "do you think when I leave this building I stop thinking about you? " and I didn't know what to say. He was again always there for me, always glancing at me and checking In on me and my life.

5TH year-
things tumbled I didn't take his advice on a boyfriend of mine he didn't like like and constantly told me he isn't good. It seemed his advice went through one of my ears and out the other. He ignored me and I could tell he tried to completely avert his way to see me. After finally coming and talking to him after he got mad when he saw a dispute between my boyfriend who showed up at my work. I told him I called of off. And there after he seemed happy.

When I told him I quit and I was debating on moving out of town my last few days we held a party. I wore a dress, and I saw him continue to glance at me as people gave me their speeches about my five years of Working with the company. He gave me a hug, it was the first time him and I hugged, which I forgot to mention, he would ask for hugs randomly. They weren't side or long hugs but they were heartfelt. My last day we took a picture and again no number switches, and the last world I said to him that year I said "you'll know you'll miss me" and he just smiled at me.

6Th Year-
8 months pased, and I finally moved to my home town and decided to come visit the company. He looked extremely excited to see me and we hugged. and we sat down and catched up. He told me his wife and kids were out of town for a couple of months. As time was running out, and worker were getting off he said "what are you doing later today?" And I was confused he's never asked that, and I said "what why?" And he quickly shot back. "Well, I mean, uh, do you have plans later today." And I remember widening my eyes he quickly said "unless you are busy visiting people' and he then changed the subject all together.

After the catching up. I left and he gave me another hug. And from there on I have been coming into our company to visit once a week. And ever week is so all around different. he nearly hugs me every time. And one instance, I told him how I was with a man now, and he knew of the man, and after that oh my god, he always seemed angry and I got word, he has been moody lately.

And I saw him at a concert with my new boyfriend, and my friend just avoided me all around before this, but then he saw me with my new boyfriend came up to me and punched me and teased me and spoke to me like we didn't stop talking, he even brought up an old inside joke, didn't even glance at my Bf, when he handed out some pamphlets for auctions he handed me one without looking at me too log and handed my boyfriend one, and when I looked back at my boyfriend after he handed him the pamphlet he looked pissed, and irritated. And was shaking his head. I didn't bother to speak to him about it.

And a few days later him and I broke up. Again another failure . Three months passed two days ago I decided to come in after going to a company greeting he saw me and walked past me and rubbed my shoulder down to my arm without saying a word or making eye contact. So at the company he sat me down and we talked, he asked so many questions, smiled and laughed and teased and punched me. And told me he misses me, and when I told him J was debating on moving again, he was negative and talked me out of it. He said "you look good, I mean you look healthy, and happy, you look really good."

And he asked about my boyfriends and I said I was single and he was glad I was it seemed. Later on he was constantly laughing and smiling and would look at me, and look away, and I kept asking what what is it and he looked at me, and said " I just really love this song." It was Jessie's girl by Rick Springfield. And when we were chatting about a former coworker ending up pregnant with two different mens baby he said something about sex, and said sex is okay as long it is protected, and I laughed, and he looked at me with a smile, and bus eyes were glossy, and kept asking what while I laughed. He then said after a few other things we chatted about he said " I often think of you" and that nearly ended our conversation, and we stood up and said "can I ask for a hug" so I gave him one. it was close and it was longer then our hugs before. My chest was to his, and my chin was on his shoulder, and our faces next to each other, his arms were over me and I wrapped mine under his.

I just.... I just don't know what to do?. I walked off. He smiled. ND said "take care of your self please." I am assuming this guy doesn't like me but man, of it not weird how he acts sometimes.

WHAT DO YOU GUYS THINK?
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