13 years after marriage ... should I get a divorce

Reply Wed 3 Feb, 2016 09:33 am
Hi, I've been married for 13 years and we have 2 boys (12,9 years old).

Over the past 18 months, my wife has been telling me that she might be bi-sexual but that she has never cheated on me. She has been loosing interest in me and the kids big time. She comes home pretty late most of the time, hardly spends time with me or kids, sex life is limited to once or twice a year and she has strong "friendships" with a few women.

I've talked to her about divorce, she says that she loves me so much that she would die if we got separated. She has also been saying that she is trying her level best to make things work, I dont see much actually. I'm spending most of the time with the kids and even take care of my mother in law when she stays with us (most of the time)

I'm very frustrated ... I love my wife but I really dont know if sticking around in this marriage really makes any sense. I've started browsing porn and dating sites ... but nothing has happened yet.
Any thoughts or advice? Should I live this marriage or get a divorce?

Thanks a ton
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Reply Wed 3 Feb, 2016 10:17 am
There is a strong possibility that she already has a relationship outside of your marriage. If she hasn't already had sexual relations, she definitely has emotional ones. How do you feel about that? Does it make you jealous? Is it a deal breaker? Have you considered an open marriage?
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Reply Wed 3 Feb, 2016 10:21 am
I think you need to have a heart to heart with her. Sit down let her know what you need in your marriage to make it work. It seems like she is getting everything she wants so why would she want anything to change? You are not.

Sit down and lay it out. Let her know you love her and want to work on it, but you need some changes or this will not work for you. It really is not fair that she gets 100 percent of all she wants and get pretty much zippo.

You could also suggest seeing a marriage counselor to help especially if she thinks she is doing her best.

It isn't really a marriage/family if she is out and about having a good time and doing little for the family - it is more she is a roommate than a family member.
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Reply Wed 3 Feb, 2016 10:26 am
Bisexuality doesn't explain a loss of interest in her family/children. It seems something bigger is going on.

Talk to your wife about what her thoughts are about the family - why she isn't involved with the children etc. Let her know that if she wants to be part of the family , she needs to put something into it.

Have you considered suggesting you all get professional advice/support counselling? whichever way this works out, it seems like you/your wife/the children need some help dealing with how things are right now.
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Reply Thu 4 Feb, 2016 12:09 am
Thanks everyone. We are in India and from a very conservative family setup. is it possible that she is uncomfortable with the idea of divorce because of the social angle?
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