I think you need to have a heart to heart with her. Sit down let her know what you need in your marriage to make it work. It seems like she is getting everything she wants so why would she want anything to change? You are not.
Sit down and lay it out. Let her know you love her and want to work on it, but you need some changes or this will not work for you. It really is not fair that she gets 100 percent of all she wants and get pretty much zippo.
You could also suggest seeing a marriage counselor to help especially if she thinks she is doing her best.
It isn't really a marriage/family if she is out and about having a good time and doing little for the family - it is more she is a roommate than a family member.