Inappropriate or overreacting?

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I have been dating this guy for a little over a year now. One month ago, he mentioned being interested in being friends with an ex girlfriend--I took a day or so to think about how comfortable I would be with this new situation, and ultimately decided to give it a try. My boyfriend and his ex broke up after being in a 7 year relationship--thankfully, they never got married nor had any children. They have been broken up now for almost two years--meaning he and I got together roughly six months after they had broken up. Not sure if any of this is relevant to my question, but for whatever reason, I wanted to share these facts Smile

. I'll move on to the issue--they have rekindled a friendship successfully now for an entire month. My boyfriend is seemingly open about his phone incase I have any doubts, to let me read their conversations upon my request. The other day I read their conversation, and she was telling him that she and her new boo were going to dinner and a movie, to which he replied, "which movie are y'all going to see?" She answered his text several hours later with, "We ended up staying home and making our own." His response: "Whaaaattt!!😉 So you've ventured into making movies I see!!! Wow he must be really breaking you out of your shell!" Her response: "No, we didn't make a movie, I just strip tease is all and he likes it." His response: "Ohh I see😉...lol!"

Reading this immediately aggrevated me. I have not voiced this aggravation to him quite yet because I am not sure how I want to handle it. I really believe in my heart that it is SO inappropriate for them to be saying things like that to one another considering the circumstances. I understand that if he wants to cheat then he will, and that by requesting he cut off his friendship will only make him want to cheat even more (if infact that is the intent). So I am not seeking advice as it pertains to my relationship as a whole. I am, however, interested in learning other unbiased opinions... So which is it--am I overreacting?..or was the conversation truly innapropriate?

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Absolutely it's inappropriate.!

Be sure that he understands that you don't approve of all this and he needs to END this tease-relationship. It will only escalate further.

Tell me, what does HER boyfriend think of her sharing provocative things like that with her ex? Or does she keep that information from him?

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@Her1207,

You feel the way you feel. As the saying goes, opinions are like ass holes...everyone's got one. So here's my opinion...I think it's weird that a romantic partner would discuss intimate details either explicitly or euphemistically with someone else.
I think it's low class to text about making sex videos or performing a strip tease with someone you're not dating or planning to date. Of course you'll find a bunch of jack-offs that think it's fine...but if you agreed with that opinion, then you probably wouldn't have been aggravated. If he's making a play for his ex, then he should man up, dump you, and go for it. It he doesn't think that it's a big deal to chat in a flirty way with his ex, then he's lying to himself or he's a little boy that hasn't learned how to honor the partner he's with. If he wants to stay with you, then a metaphorical dope slap and a knock off the horseshit message should be given to him.

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@Her1207,

What did your boyfriend say when you told him you'd read that?

He obviously is comfortable with the discussion or he wouldn't have left it on the phone for you to read.

I'm one of the people who wouldn't care about it. Exes are exes for a reason - the romantic relationship didn't work. They can still be good friends that you can talk to about all sorts of things - including how things are going in new relationships. I think that's healthy. It's important to stay friends with friends, regardless of past romantic failure.

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@Her1207,

IMHO, it's not appropriate convo.

If I were in your place, I'd ask him if he'd ask him to keep her heading towards a less frank sort of discussion. The saving part of this..is that he wasn't being the tease there by providing too much info about (yours and his) relationship.

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@Her1207,

Her1207 wrote:

One month ago, he mentioned being interested in being friends with an ex girlfriend--I took a day or so to think about how comfortable I would be with this new situation, and ultimately decided to give it a try.

it was nice of him to mention this to you but, really, none of your business who he is friends with (unless they're doing something illegal that could cause problems for you)

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@Her1207,

Her1207 wrote:

requesting he cut off his friendship will only make him want to cheat even more (if infact that is the intent).

I disagree that it would have any impact on his desire to cheat. It could however make him wonder if you would be a good long term partner.

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@Briancrc,

To Briancrc:
I have read your response three times, now. I suppose, just as I am resorting to reaching out to an online network filled with people of whom I have never met, my current situation has applied a desperate need for validation. And although I am aware that saying so, is unnecessary, thank you for your unbiased, well explained response; I appreciate it.

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@Her1207,

I would hope that there could be some understanding that rekindling a friendship with someone with whom there was intrimacy and a long-term relationship creates an awkward and uncomfortable feeling for the current partner. Upon hearing about how this effects you I would also hope that he would care enough to say that he never wants you to feel that way and won't reciprocate. It's at least good that he's being open with you. I'd be more concerned if you accidentally stumbled upon the situation. Good luck.

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I think he is joking around with the ex, now a friend - or flirting with her anew. I'll pick the first one as way more likely in this instance. Oh, and I agree with ehBeth that it really isn't your business re who he keeps as a friend.

If he starts disappearing, acting very odd, and so on, then you need to talk. This seems unlikely, as I said already,

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@Her1207,

I don't know, it seems pretty innocuous to me. I can imagine a great many more comments made by either of them that would be worth concern. Sounds like two close friends talking, not two former lovers longing to rekindle something.

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It's seems we're split down the middle with this.

Wouldn't have bothered me.

That said, your feelings are your feelings, as was said.

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Inappropriate or overreacting?

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