So confused so I turned to this site for wise relationship advice :(!

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me and my boyfriend have been together for a year and a half. However before me, he had a rough break up with an ex of six years. They were always on and off but a lie about a pregnancy and cheating ended it for good. He tells me he's in love with me, we live together, and he seems happy. Yet she seems to come up at least once a week in conversation. He always talks negative about her and says he hates her with a passion. He says its not only because Of the baby incidence. Also, he seems to be talking about what's going on with her in the present. Not just stories of their past which is typically never. I don't want her to be a forbidden subject but I also don't want to sit and gossip about his ex and what she is doing. We have talked about this recently and something today happened that made me really question everything.

Today, we went to a friends. We sat down. The first thing my boyfriend did was point his hand in my direction and said "so, Sadie" and he stopped as his eyes got big along with everyone. I took that he called me her name on accident but he swears he stopped and panicked because we agreed not to talk about her anymore. What do you think is the truth? Should I be worried? What should I do? What would you do? Thank you so much for taking the time to answer.

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@Confusedcutie3,

Well, we can't necessarily promise wise advice. We'll try. Smile

Clearly something is still irking him about all of this. It might be a lack of closure but the truth is, closure is pretty damned overrated. We often don't get it in life.

He's still got to move on.

I like communication. So, talk! Both of you, together, to each other.

Non-accusatory.

This is to just have a discussion about this. Not to talk about it hurting anyone, just to think about why he's still on about it a year and a half later. And tell him - you need to think about other things and talk about other things. Figure out when you're starting, and stop it in its tracks.

Not an ultimatum; this is more to make it clear that it's been a while and he needs to check himself.

If it continues, there's always counseling - he may need to find out why he's still obsessed.

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@Confusedcutie3,

Confusedcutie3 wrote:

Yet she seems to come up at least once a week in conversation.

one of the things you can do is change the subject

try to not acknowledge that you've heard her name - just move on to something else to talk about

if he feels he has to talk about her, he may need to find a counsellor to work with. you are his girlfriend, not his therapist

in the case where he called you by her name, try laughing. it happens here a lot - not old girlfriends names - but the current dog, the previous dog, a stuffed animal we all know. I laugh when the fella misfires on my name.

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@Confusedcutie3,

i would like to think after 6 years depending on how intimate the relationship was it can be hard to move on that fast. you can give him that. Its never a good idea to talk about an ex with ur current, so ya you did a good think of agreeing to stop talking about her. the thing with the friend just happened and so was his reaction, as i said 6 years. What you can do is get closer to him so the emotions he feels about you are stronger and the past will just be a memory. Yeah seduce, brain wash whatever ( his brain needs rewiring Smile

), its to your benefit.

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So confused so I turned to this site for wise relationship advice :(!

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