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Question in regards to commas.

 
 
joe621
 
Reply Sat 2 Jan, 2016 12:06 am
Is this correct?

"This girl, ugly girl, won't leave me alone."
Or
"This house, creepy old house, scares the hell out of me"

It is for a poem and those words will have to be in that exact order, so should I change the commas or leave them where they are? I am not so good with grammar so I'm sorry. I want to state what I am talking about, modify it, and then talk about what it is doing.
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Type: Question • Score: 2 • Views: 1,016 • Replies: 7
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fresco
 
  1  
Reply Sat 2 Jan, 2016 02:08 am
@joe621,
The whole point about 'poetry' is that it is only pays lip-service to 'formal grammar'. Provided that your meaning is expressed, you can do what you like!
joe621
 
  1  
Reply Sat 2 Jan, 2016 12:41 pm
@fresco,
I know but at the moment it has no punctuation at all and I'd like to at least add the commas in the beginning of each stanzas.
fresco
 
  1  
Reply Sat 2 Jan, 2016 12:44 pm
@joe621,
I have no problem with where you have placed them so far.
joe621
 
  1  
Reply Sat 2 Jan, 2016 01:02 pm
@fresco,
Thank you for your input. I've been writing on and off for a little over a year now and I always have concerns about my punctuation. Never decided on joining a forum to improve my grammar. You'll be seeing me here often lol.

One more example:

"So I turn around
and as I look to my left,
there is a woman
in a coat.
She scared the hell out of me!"

Is it okay to add the comma before 'there'?

Ps: I've done some research and it seems like thats how it should be, before 'there'. No period. But I could be wrong.
cicerone imposter
 
  1  
Reply Sat 2 Jan, 2016 01:11 pm
@joe621,
'kay.
0 Replies
 
fresco
 
  1  
Reply Sat 2 Jan, 2016 01:17 pm
@joe621,
Comma looks fine, but your tense change from present (turn around) to past (scared) is worth reconsidering.
joe621
 
  1  
Reply Sat 2 Jan, 2016 02:24 pm
@fresco,
The original says, "She caught me by surprise." and I like that better than "She catches me by surprise."
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