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Tue 29 Dec, 2015 08:09 pm
I've been with various people in my life and a lot of them have made hurt my feelings be it intentional or accidental. (That's everyone at some point in our lives of course.) But I always keep my feelings inside because I don't know how to go about ending friendships. (I'm not sure how to start them either since people come up to me and a friendship just happens.) Ive never been the first to make a move...people just find me. From what I've experinced, people respond well to me, and consider me to be kind. I've noticed that Im REALLY bad at spoiling people, being too generous, and not drawing lines with people. It makes it harder to weed out people I don't like, and detach from those who are not worth the heartache. Somehow events take place, and by a stroke of luck the universe ends it for me. (Someone switching schools, jobs, moving, etc.) But of course this won't last forever.
Now that I'm completely alone, and have fully enjoyed the perks of being by myself, a part of me really wants to make a new friend. Just one person to be with now and then, like I use to have. But another part of me is afraid of getting into the trial-and-error part of the search. The constant struggle of mantaining my own self-esteem while venturing to find a good person at the same time. Any time I meet someone I find appealing in any way, I instantly pull the leash on myself, think of all the bad things about the past and myself. Then I disappear into thin air before they even know my name whether its just a casual chat online or real life. I just run. I know I'm not the only person who has trouble with this kind of thing, so does anyone have any tips on...well...starting over the right way?
@frostfire,
Have you considered therapy?
The way you are with other people is something that you have learned from your experiences. It is difficult to make this change on your own. Having a therapist... someone safe who you can talk to about these things, and who can give you feedback on how you are relating to people... is a very helpful thing.
Someone in my family goes to a therapy group that deals with developing friendships. He finds the practice of relating to people who understand what he is going through to be very good in learning how to relate to people.
You learn by doing. Learning to have relationships by practice is a little more difficult because you invest emotions into friendships... it isn't that easy to move on. That is why having a therapist, or a therapy group is so valuable.
@maxdancona,
I've considered it. I use to go a long time ago when it was required for me, but I was really young so it wasn't as benifical to me then as it would be to me now.
Of course, there are complications that would make it difficult to do it now.
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