Sat 7 Aug, 2004 12:44 am
I have been seeing this guy for six months, we moved in together after five and then a month later he left me. He came back twice but in the meantime put me through a lot of turmoil. Well before he came back the 2nd time, I made a big big mistake. I had a little too much to drink and slept with his best friend, it just happens that that is the night that me and my boyfriend got back together. Well, I lied to him and told him that it didnt happen but his best friend who really hates me told him that it did. Well, my boyfriend believed his best friend and so I came clean. I know he loves me but with the acohol and all the games he has been playing, I was hurt and confused and would give anything to take back what I did but i cant do that. I have never felt this way about anyone in my life, I love him with all my heart and want him back so bad. I know he still loves me so what do I do now?
Hmm, so you love this guy but you slept with his best friend? Sorry to be cynical, but people who love one another tend to not do things like that. They also tend to not lie to one another or put each other through turmoil.
I think the best thing you can do is walk away from this and treat it as a learning experience. I'd be very surprised if you could regain your ex's trust again. And, do you really want to be with a guy who puts you through turmoil? Don't you think maybe that's not such a great thing to walk into knowingly?
Jespah is very smart on this, what she is saying is very worth thinking about.
We had a wonderful relaationship but his best friend was always trying to break us up, this isnt the first time he has tried sleeping with me. I do stupid things when I drink but me and my x weren't together. We split because he was going through a tough time in a custody battle with his son and the turmoil was that he came back and left.... he was with other women when we were split too, of course none of them were my friends but...... I would have gone home with anyone that night b/t the acohol and the feeling of rejection, but his best friend pursued me yet, him and his best friend are still close as ever and I am the ultimate bad guy. Shouldnt I atlease try..........
First thing is to deal with your own behavior and alcohol... and I don't say that in a mean way, it affects a lot of people in the way of decreasing their judgement - but it isn't the alcohol's fault. Grownups need to learn to control their own behavior; if alcohol "causes" you to be this way, watch it carefully or don't drink. Getting blotto isn't all that useful over the long run. I am not actually against alcohol myself, just am for it's wise enjoyment.
As to the relationship, you need to learn to love yourself before getting into all this stuff with guys. I speak from experience on this, not to criticize but to help. Back off a bit.
I don't know how old you are but I hope if you are getting into sexual activity that you are taking precautions against acquiring sexually transmitted disease and/or becoming pregnant; both of those are real considerations. (End of lecture)
I'm not a big drinker, I havent drank in forever but I was upset over him leaving and so I drank, the best friend, he fed me all this stuff about how my bf told him to take me home and how he didnt care, and feeling as I did, I went. Before him, I was alone for a year, I was ready to settle down and marry him and then he left and it broke my heart. I never meant to do this and I take full responsibility because i never liked it when my husband blamed it on the acohol for cheating but I love this guy and we had a good thing..........
... but you don't any more. I'm sorry, again, I'm perhaps not very nice and not saying what you want to hear, but this is a very toxic situation.
This man has already chosen his friend over you, despite the fact that his friend has behaved like a rat. This is going to happen again and again if you are somehow miraculously reconciled. And if he, too, is running around with other women while you are on a break, it may very well go to how he felt about your relationship. People who care and then step back tend to take some time before they go getting themselves involved with other people. He did not. So did he ever really love you? I have no idea, I can't get into his head. But I can tell you that the fact that he went to the comfort of other women's arms during his custody battle tells me that he probably didn't take your relationship as seriously as you did.
Krissi, ossobuco brought up a really good point. Drinking and sleeping with the best friend of the person you care most about are both very self-destructive behaviors. You might want to look into why this happened, and think about how to prevent it from happening again in the future.
I'm sorry that your relationship ended. I really am. But I think if you go into full "I'm going to do something about this!" mode, it'll backfire, and you may end up regretting that. I do hope you'll think about that.
Your ex-boyfriend's Best Friend has always disaproved of your relationship with your boyfriend. Also, BF has made several attempts to seduce you--with the last attempt successful.
Your ex-boyfriend (even though you were not a couple at the time) feels betrayed because you slept with his Best Friend--and then lied about it.
You realize that you've behaved poorly--but you want to be forgiven and have the world as it was before you behaved like a drunken fool.
This boyfriend has a tumult heavy life--and is likely to continue having one crisis after another. You rank below his crisis situations. He trusts his Best Friend more than he trusts you.
You were alone for a year. You moved in with him after knowing him for five months and after a month together a crisis came up, he left you, you went into a tailspin....
Were you really ready to settle down and marry him? You want security. Does this guy's lifestyle suggest that security and serenity may be hard to come by in his vicinity?
Right this minute, you don't need a re-run of a slightly used relationship. You need to figure out who you are--and what you want out of life. If you want a vine-covered cottage with happy babies, find a guy who does not live from crisis to crisis.
Get as far away from your ex and his friend as you can.
Cut out the cancer.
okay, maybe I do not have to fix it because last night he called and said he wants to work things out........ i never expected this... what do I do now?
Do you want to be part of a messy relationship?