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Mon 21 Dec, 2015 12:10 pm
My boyfriend and I had a rough summer. We weren't getting along. I was feeling more independent, and was going out with friends more often, etc. After the summer, we got in a big fight and he broke up with me. I was devastated, but I knew we had been having some issues that would need to be worked out if we were to be together. I was shocked that he would rather break up than fix things, but I sadly accepted it. He now says he felt the breakup was mutual. I disagree, but perhaps I hadn't been the nicest to him over the summer so I will take some of the blame.
Anyhow, a few weeks after I moved out a friend of his (acquaintance really, he isn't too fond of this guy) asked me for dinner. I went thinking we could be casual friends, but at the end of the dinner (and after too much wine) he ended up kissing me and in my drunken state we made out for a few minutes. I then told him I thought it was really inappropriate and went home. I was not at all interested in this guy just feeling very emotional and vulnerable after my breakup.
Well, now my boyfriend has come back and is willing to work on all of our issues. I love him so much and want to work things out. I told him I had kissed someone while we were broken up because I felt so guilty about it. But I did not tell him who it was (that he knows/used to be casual friends with the guy). The question is, do I confess who it was?
@KatherineNixon112,
No way! It'd accomplish nothing positive or useful. You were broken up and confessing it would only make matters unnecessarily complicated.
In the future, you might want to watch out for drinking too much. Judgement never improves with alcohol.
Good luck with patching things up and having a great relationship. That takes honest hard work and maturity for both .
@KatherineNixon112,
NO! Stop there.
You told him about it, most people won't even go that far. And technically, you didn't have to say anything at all because HE broke up with YOU.
@KatherineNixon112,
Is your SO mature enough to handle the truth? Do you want to tell him the name of the person?
@KatherineNixon112,
What would you or he gain by telling him who you kissed? In my opinion as you were on a break up there was no reason even to tell him you kissed another boy. You were not obligated to him.
@Ragman,
Thank you! I agree, I just still feel so guilty.
And you are definitely right to avoid alcohol in the future. I thought I needed a drink to cope with the upset I felt over the breakup, but it just made things even more complicated!
@VirPisces,
That is true. I felt I had to tell him something, and thought confessing but withholding the name would at least be a compromise I could live with. Ugh, conscience!
@-Relationup,
That's the thing. Although I really want to relieve myself of the guilt and be completely honest with him, I really don't think he is mature enough to handle the truth. He would probably blow it way out of proportion and get very upset. He was already so upset I kissed someone else, and even though we weren't together at the time he still calls it "cheating". I don't know what to do
.
@Linkat,
I would gain relief from guilt, but he would gain nothing positive at all. Agh, I just don't know what to do.
@KatherineNixon112,
KatherineNixon112 wrote: He was already so upset I kissed someone else, and even though we weren't together at the time he still calls it "cheating".
is he in his teens? he sounds very young and not too mature.
Are you both going to be celibate for the rest of your lives if you break up in the future?
This might be a guy for an occasional date, but he doesn't seem mature enough to handle a relationship.
@KatherineNixon112,
Katherine,
It seems you have your answer. If he is calling you a cheater for kissing someone when HE broke up with you, it seems his maturity level could not handle the name of the person you kissed. He can't have it both ways. He can't break up with you and claim you were cheating.
One day you will meet someone with a higher level of maturity and I hope one day your boyfriend will mature enough to handle the truth whether from you or anyone else.
@KatherineNixon112,
I would recommend telling him who it was since you already told him that it occurred. I really believe that it best to start things clean and it sounds like you are a person with a lot of integrity and it would bother you to hold this secret. Since he isn't good friends this with man, your boyfriend will get over it. (if he is upset)
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