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Sun 13 Dec, 2015 05:51 pm
I have been dating my boyfriend for 7 months, and we are both head over heels in love with each other. Unfortunately, I had to mature at a very young age, so at 21, I am ready for a committed relationship. I know he is too, but some of the things he does, (lies about stupid things, looks at other girls facebook pictures that he doesn't even know) etc. things that come with maturity and readiness for a serious relationship aren't there. I know he wants to change really bad, and we both love each other so much, but I had to break up with him so he can mature. I know the things he's doing aren't really his fault, he's just a typical 21 year old guy who does stupid things, (he would never cheat on me however). So, I broke up with him, we both bawled our eyes out, and he promises me he will mature, and he won't give up on us, but I told him not to contact me. I feel like this is the best thing to do, so he can finally realize how he misses me, and that he only wants to be with one girl, and be honest with me. But, I love him more than anything in the whole world, and I know he loves me that way too. I just don't know how to do this, because I have never loved anyone so much in my life.
Background information: I lost my dad and grandpa, both of them were the most amazing people in my life. So, I know how fast things can be taken away from someone, that's why I love him so much, and try so hard to show him. That's also why this is hard for me because I was forced to say bye to my dad and grandpa, they didn't have any control over me losing them, I was forced to get over it and move on. With him, its hard though because I know that all he has to do is mature and be honest about everything, and we can be together. Please give some advice!
@alepage1,
You need to do some growing up, too. Start with learning that him looking at other women's Facebook pictures is no big deal unless you have reasons not to trust him (or any other guy, for that matter).
So don't lay this all at his feet.
@alepage1,
So ---- How long do you want to wait?
@alepage1,
You love him (love is a big subject) more that anything in the whole world.
Respectfully, I suggest you stop it re combining family loss with your next desire for a man. Grow as a person yourself.
@alepage1,
I think if I were him I would count myself lucky to have dodged a bullet with you and find someone who can accept me for me. Men (and women, btw) lie about stupid things all the time. And looking at other girls is a problem? You might as well gouge out his eyes if that is going to bother you. If my wife of 33 years went nuts every time I admired another woman, I'd be dead right now.
Had my wife broken up with me prior to our marriage using the excuse that I needed to grow up first, I'd be doing all my future growing up without her. Guaranteed.
You are trying to manipulate him using your affection as a reward. This is not a good idea in any relationship. So for all your belief that you are so mature, I think you need to mature a bit more also.
@alepage1,
I think that if you truly loved him the way you say you do, you wouldn't have broken up with him. Everyone has their flaws, but love is overlooking those and wanting the person regardless of their shortcomings. You probably don't want to hear this, but you're so young and have a long time to find someone, so don't keep yourself hooked on someone that you can't fully accept. I think maybe since you've had such tragic losses in your life, you might be prematurely attaching yourself to him because you're afraid of having to deal with another loss. Of course, I don't know exactly how you feel and what you have been through with him, so only you have the answer. But you also have to keep in mind that you could lose him permanently by breaking up. He could find someone else. He says he loves you and will mature for you, but he could find another girl who accepts him exactly the way he is and decide that he is happier with her. So you have to do what's right for you since only you know what will make you really happy.
may be you did this to make him mature enough. It could work to make him mature but it could have bad result too.
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