"Relationship" EMERGENCY with my close "friend" who doesn't act like a "friend"?!

Reply Fri 11 Dec, 2015 03:52 am
Hello basically I have this friend, lets call him Q, and so me and Q is so weird in all different aspects! Me and my friends make up a group of close friends which include 2 boys which includes Q! I've known Q since gr 10 and we are in 1st year uni now; we always talk online on Facebook. I'm the only one he talks to... but throughout the years we have been having problems...

I knew I liked Q since gr 11 and I have a feeling he likes me too maybe but he constantly lies and hurts my feelings! He's manipulative and just plain weird! I'm not sure if a "friend" does these things to other "friends", all my friends don't like him so much but we can't let him go because he is apart of our squad. Even my other male friend agrees he's not normal... so I'm asking you is he normal?! And what is he trying to show to me??? Here's some of the things he does to me:

-He lies and makes up stories constantly to every person around him especially stories revolving around girls noticing him and everything (Frankly I don't think M is that type of person to attract girls...)
-He calls me bitch and other mean names when things don't go his way
-He shows his body parts on Facebook messenger... at one point he showed his crotch budge with him only in his underwear....
-He tries to make me jealous by talking to other girls (Which doesn't work)
-He constantly tries to make me go with him to bring him to the washroom at school
-If i don't answer his messages he constantly calls me and texts me until I answer
-He always thinks i'm angry If i don't answer
-He talks about other members of my squad behind their back to me
-He thinks i'm stupid and can't tell his lies
-He blames me for everything and gets mad about everything I do which makes me cry!
-He asks me random questions that are sexual and nasty which includes him saying he constantly has the urge to have sexual things with a woman and he can't contain it....
- And what annoys me and makes me sad the most is that he always says we are just friends just friends only even after doing weird stuff!

OK for example recently he told me over Facebook that we were just friends only friends and this question wouldn't involve me in the slightest with no offence! But yet it disgusted me so much, basically he told me if a guy raped me what would I do, ofc I answered correctly but then he then asked me would I kill him if he raped me instead and would I like it... like with is wrong with Q!

I constantly try to be strong and take my friends advice of being mad at him and ignoring but he always ends up being mad at me first and spams me with hateful messages sometimes or even crying. This happened a few times where he got desperate and actually said sorry and was better for a bit... but usually no as it would damage his huge ego. Just recently I "hurt" him for the first time and he cried and had a so called "anxiety attack" another one of his "diseases" he has... I felt sorry and apologized but my friends said he was lying obviously based on his story... I didn't know he was. The story he gave me was that he had to go to the hospital and could have died and he took an IV and actually showed me a "bandage" on his knuckles an hour later after his "panic attack.".

HE ALWAYS DOES THIS! I always end up saying sorry and I don't know what do I do with him! Please help me I'm terribly confused on what to do, It will ruin a friendship If I let him go and I feel so bad! I want to cure him of his attitude, he makes me cry and everything, he's cocky he rubs in his marks, he makes me do things for him which he wouldn't do for me! What do I do! I'm at my last wits, every year it seems like he gets worst and worst to me mor and more sexual is this his way of telling me he wants me?! Because he always denies he doesn't like me!

Help, thank you. Sorry for the long question...
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Reply Fri 11 Dec, 2015 06:40 am
He's toxic and very manipulative. Whatever way you can do it you would be best to drop him as a friend. He's playing off of your guilt. Stop trying to figure him out. You can't allow your pity to keep him as an intimate or part of your group of friends.

If he has no ability to edit his thoughts, says such inappropriate and hurtful and gross/sexual things, why put up with that? I'm curious as to why would you have to walk him to the washroom? Is he disabled?

When he asked you that rape question...he should have been disconnected. He's abused the privilege of being your friend. He has toxic psychological problems. He needs some sort of long-term therapy from a professional - not sympathy and coddling from you or others. You're not responsible for someone who is shown to be toxic to you. That is not an example of a relationship of equals.
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Reply Fri 11 Dec, 2015 08:41 am
He talks and acts like that because you ALLOW it.

Does he talk and act like that to other people? I bet not. He has no boundaries with you.

Why haven't you told him he's inappropriate and if he continues, then you are out of the picture? Set your standards higher. The DO it, if needed.

(I have a feeling you like the idea of him wanting you sexually, but he's just crude and rude about it.)

May I ask your ages?
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Reply Fri 11 Dec, 2015 10:25 am
ChoreHeart wrote:

Hello basically I have this friend,

you have not described the behaviour of a friend

you may want to consider why you allow someone to behave in this way toward you

You might want to speak to a professional counsellor at your university to get some help with this.

I would suggest you start by blocking him on all media so he can no longer contact you.

this person is not a friend
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Reply Fri 11 Dec, 2015 10:43 am
He's hot, right?

'Cause if this was just some shlub, you would have told him to hit the bricks a long time ago.

This behavior is ugly. It should make him ugly in your eyes. If it doesn't, then maybe you should think long and hard about why you allow this dick to talk to you like this.
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Reply Fri 11 Dec, 2015 11:06 am
You should start seeing a psychologist. Ask your family/friends if they can recommend you any. Its not normal to put up with so much, to put it crudely, bullshit from a close friend. The psychologist can and will also help you figure out what to do with this relationship.
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Reply Fri 11 Dec, 2015 12:59 pm
Run away from him as fast as possible.
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Reply Fri 11 Dec, 2015 01:15 pm
Squad? University is where you can get to know a lot of people with a lot of interests. This is a prime time in life for doing that, including exploring your own possible new interests. But you are tied into a squad and are overwrought about this particular person who has no idea of what being a friend actually is. Move along and breathe some air into your life, starting by blocking him on FB.

I am not saying you can't develop good friendships at a university, over time, but keeping people in a small clutch is like wearing a bag over your head.
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