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Need advice about being with my friends ex

 
 
Reply Sat 5 Dec, 2015 03:53 pm
I'm a college student. Last night, I was hanging out with a few friends, partying and drinking casually. There was a boy there named John. John and I were being really flirty and really hitting it off. Then, some people invited a few other girls to come over. One of those girls, Alexandra, had a casual relationship with John which ended a few weeks ago. Alexandra and I are friends, we are not close friends, but we are friendly. She is in my sorority, so inevitably be seeing her a lot. She pulled me over after seeing that John and I were being flirty and said "don't get with him." I told her that I didn't understand her reasoning; they were not longer a thing. As the night went on, we both kept drinking, and John told her that he is completely uninterested in her and since they ended their casual "fling" a few weeks ago, that was that. He explained that he had no right to control who he can and can't hookup with. Alexandra proceeded to go upstairs and lay in John's bed. He went upstairs and told her to get out. She refused and said things like "I'm sleeping here, come get in bed with me, I'm not getting out of this bed." He was get frustrated so I told her I'd sleep with her downstairs on the couch because that was the only thing I could think of to make her think I wasn't going to hookup with him. She held me hostage and every time I attempted to stand u0p to go to John's room she would wake up and not let me move. Finally, she fell asleep and I went to John's room. We woke up the next day and Alexandra was gone. She stole my shoes and took her with them. I haven't spoken to her since. John and I are on good terms. I am not a confrontational person and I know I will be seeing her all the time in my sorority. John and I are on good terms, we ate breakfast this morning. I need advice. Should I ignore the situation and wait until I see Alexandra and see how it goes? We were both drunk, maybe she doesn't remember. Also, should I say anything to John about it?
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Type: Question • Score: 3 • Views: 713 • Replies: 5
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jespah
 
  1  
Reply Sat 5 Dec, 2015 04:08 pm
@ericawhite,
She sounds kinda psycho.

I'm sure she's wondering why the hell she has another woman's shoes. If nothing, that will tell her that something or other happened.

Either way, this is not a good situation for you to be getting yourself into. Are you both in a sorority house together, or just in the sorority? If you're not in shared housing, then you can probably avoid her a lot.

If you are, then you might want to consider changing your housing situation. I know that can be difficult, but presumably you are heading into winter break soon and it might be feasible. If you are in the same house and she is problematic, talk to whoever runs the house corporation and/or the house mother (I'm a Pi Phi but I know these terms sometimes differ in other sororities).

But either way, steer clear. Keep away during parties, during philanthropy time, etc. See if you can become involved in areas that she isn't in.

She should not be running your life, no, but she sounds weird at best and a big problem for you at worst.

Move up the chain and talk to someone in authority, e. g. the house mother, your dorm director, the president of your sorority, etc. if you feel threatened.

Stay safe. No guy is worth getting harmed over.
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vikorr
 
  0  
Reply Sat 5 Dec, 2015 04:08 pm
@ericawhite,
I'm not sure what you need advice about:
- you know she's jealous
- you know she's dramatic
- you know if you stay with John things will get complicated with her

So you know the results of
- raising that conversation with her
- continuing to see John

The decision you make will depend on:
- whether or not you enjoy drama (the drama she will cause for you)
- whether or not you think there was anything in the you and John thing
- what you think is most important (the drama, or the you and John thing)

As for saying anything to John about it, given his history with Alexandra, there's every chance you were just another conquest. If he's interested (whether in you, or just in another round with you), he'll call you.

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PUNKEY
 
  1  
Reply Sat 5 Dec, 2015 05:21 pm
@ericawhite,
Clearly, they are not over.

Turn on your heel and remove yourself from these two nutcases.

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ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Sat 5 Dec, 2015 05:32 pm
@ericawhite,
ericawhite wrote:
As the night went on, we both kept drinking,

every time I attempted to stand u0p to go to John's room


why the hell were you trying to go to the guy's room? you know that was a stupid move, right? drunk or not, it was stupid.

Alexandra was bugged by your behaviour - it was not a smart time to pursue something with the guy.

Getting with a guy when you're been drinking? double amount of stupid
0 Replies
 
ehBeth
 
  2  
Reply Sat 5 Dec, 2015 05:33 pm
@ericawhite,
ericawhite wrote:
One of those girls, Alexandra, had a casual relationship with John which ended a few weeks ago


and you know it was casual because John told you so?

grow up
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