When arguments get physical?

At that point you go .... Quickly! And don't look back!

'cos i remember in our first year of marriage my wife and i were arguing in the car.
it got into a screaming match and she slapped me in the face.
I was shocked.
I told her to leave the car because i was terrified of what i would do to her if she was near me much longer.

Invest in some anger managment classes!

Nathor

I was speaking personally. Your situation is different. I abhor violence, physical & verbal. I certainly wouldn't continue a relationship with a physically violent person. Once would be enough. Verbal violence can be subtler & more difficult to perceive, it can sneak up on one before you're fully aware of the situation. But is just as damaging.

I sincerely hope that you sorted out your problems with your wife if you are still together.

yeh well we're still together.. but we've had a few more fights like that since.. and i've hit/shoved her back a few times.. a few days ago she told me that she feels like she's a demestic violence victim..
i got so angry cos everytime i've hit her it's ben in retaliation to her hitting me first.

i know i'm in the wrong too..
but i would never hit ehr unless provoked.
it's so hard to say i'm in the wrong when I think it's her damn fault for hitting me in the first place.

but hey.. that's just me.
lynch me if u like

Nathor

I'm by no means an expert in this area, but it sounds as though you & your wife could benefit from some sort of help/counselling to improve your situation. Especially if you have children.

Good luck.

yeh well first session of counselling tomorrow night.. weehoo

Maybe you should approach this in a serious way? It's in both your interests for the violence to stop. I'm sure that you must want this, Nathor.
Good luck.

Keep a cool mind, *think* before you act or speak. Contain things might not always be right, but at least think them over before you do something you will regret.
It's so tempting to catch that lure, to avenge. But remember that what you perceived as being hurtful wasn't necessarily meant to be that way.

Nevertheless, if you often feel cornered and criticized by her when you fight, talk about it. Make her know how you feel about the things she say. If she refuses to understand, perhaps it's time to see a counsellor.

Now, there are no excuses for physical violence and I suggest you make your point clear. If she continues, leave her. Don't stay in an abusive relationship and show her that you deserve better, never ever hit back or retaliate verbally, don't sink to that level, it just proves her point. Maybe she'll come around otherwise leave and do it with dignity.

Re: When arguments get physical?


You leave the relationship. Period.

Yes, it certainly sounds as though that's what the violent woman should do.

Hitting, pushing, physical violence from either sex is, how shall I put this....way friggin' beyond a warning sign to get the hell out!!

There is no excuse for allowing someone to cause you to lose your temper. If this woman is physically violent, she needs to get help, YOU do not have to hit her back.

I speak from the perspective of a woman who was born and bred to have a, shall we say, 'explosive' personality. After losing my temper one day and inadvertently causing myself serious injury (think severed artery and blood covered walls) I learned the hard way that a bad temper is a self destructive thing. I am lucky that I learned that lesson young and wear my scar with great pride, I have not lost my temper from that day to this.

Nathor, you have received a lot of good advice on this one. Msolga noticed, just as I did, that you sound a little flippant about this. But obviously you are troubled by the hitting or else you would not have brought it up for discussion. Take the counseling sessions seriously and show your wife how much the relationship means to you..(if it really does mean something to you, of course.) She abused you, and then you abused her back...not exactly a good way to solve the original challenge. Sounds like you both have a little apologizing to do and also a little growing up wouldn't hurt. I guess that comes with both time and discipline. BTW, My husband once had a girlfriend who would pitch fits and hit...she actually bit him a few times! I can not ever imagine doing such a thing. Childish with a capital C.

Can't say as I ever bit anyone! Very odd behaviour...