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Wed 11 Nov, 2015 10:59 am
I have been with my boyfriend for almost 6 months. In these 6 months, things are mostly good. We fought and made up just like other regular couples. We are both divorced with children and I met him where I live. About 2 months ago, he found a job out of town, and after we discussed, it seems like it makes sense for him to move there to start this new job to catch up financially first, and the plan is to try to transfer back when there is a chance.
Things were going good and of course, being in a long distance relationship sucks. We managed to talk and text all the time. We got into fights sometimes but we are definitely passion with each other and we do love each other. Sometimes, mainly it is because of me being weak and I was trying to work on believing us. About a week ago, we got into a bad fight, we actually broke up for 2 days. He met someone. She works around where he works. So for whatever reason, he emotionally attached to her right away. However, we made up after 2 days and he told me everything about this incident.
He came to visit during the past weekend, and I finally realized how much he cares about this girl. I believe that there is no physical contact, but for some reason, he really loves her in a way that he was shocked. During the weekend, he told me that he chose me, he said that the reason he drove so many hours to visit me because he made the choice. He loves me more and he wants to work on us. Meanwhile, he is very sad letting this girl go. I was very hurt of course at first, and the fact that he would not let me see their texts completely shocked me (he used to be open about everything). We got into a nuclear fight on Saturday and he almost left, but we talked and for that moment, we just wanted to be together at that moment. For the rest of the weekend, everything was great, but as soon as he got back, my insecurity acts up. I confronted him about how I feel, but all he was saying is that he is sad and needs time to heal but in the mean time, he needs me to take it easy on him. Here is my questions:
1) He said he chose me. I would think that between a long-term relationship that is currently fragile, and this supposedly amazing girl who is around all the time, he chose us. Do I believe him?
2) He was completely honest about how he feels with her, which hurts like hell, but he was honest and he needs time. Should I give him time?
3) How should I feel? I am currently a mess, of course. I am very sad and insecure. And when he is not calling or texting me the minute I initiated the call or texts, I immediately assume that he is busy being with her. I am completely driving myself crazy. If I choose to work on it, is it even worthy? Will I be okay?
@newbie8010,
First off he did not just START dating her right away, or fall instantly madly in love with her when you two broke up. He was ALREADY involved with her at least emotionally. (Emotional affair)
Being that you are only dating some would say get over it, but not me... I realize cheating is painful, but he was. Two days and BAM he is in love? NOPE....he was already messaging or flirting, and maybe even having sex with her since you are not even close.
No i don't think long distance works.... My husband was in Japan for 4 months this year right after i found out he was a cheater.... Not a good combination. Still working on things in my marriage, but yours... I think you need to wake up and realize that he was cheating on you at the very least emotionally. The break up was probably antagonized by him, maybe even orchestrated so that he could feel validated or rationalize being with he other woman.
Do not just buy into his story. They almost NEVER tell the whole truth right away. You may find yourself a victim of the ole' Trickle truth. Its horrible. I wish you well in your recovery from this blow. Good luck.
@newbie8010,
newbie8010 wrote:
1) He said he chose me. I would think that between a long-term relationship that is currently fragile, and this supposedly amazing girl who is around all the time, he chose us. Do I believe him?
2) He was completely honest about how he feels with her, which hurts like hell, but he was honest and he needs time. Should I give him time?
3) How should I feel? I am currently a mess, of course. I am very sad and insecure. And when he is not calling or texting me the minute I initiated the call or texts, I immediately assume that he is busy being with her. I am completely driving myself crazy. If I choose to work on it, is it even worthy? Will I be okay?
1. if he's not still interested in a relationship with you, why did he travel to spend time with you?
2. if you're not willing to give him some time, why should he bother pursuing a relationship with you?
3. stop with the texting/calling demands and expectations. Limit yourself to one or two brief time frames when you will be in touch with him. Maybe 15 minutes early in the morning, half an hour in the evening. (that doesn't mean 15/30 minutes of calls/texts - that means calls/texts within that time frame)
Don't expect immediate responses. People have work and lives. Keep yourself so busy that you don't have time to worry/obsess about when/if someone responds to texts/calls.
4. are you worthy of this guy?
@newbie8010,
newbie8010 wrote: I confronted him
be cautious about using language like this - and behaving like this
not everything is a confrontation
not everything needs to be a confrontation
@Youthinkimdumb,
Thank you for the advice. It is hard to be cheated and I realized it as an emotional cheating. I am still currently trying to get over it.
@ehBeth,
Thank you for the straight forward answers. I need to hear it from somebody else. I know that a lot of things may seem common sense at the time, but I am currently still hurt over this and I am trying very very hard to walk pass it.
@newbie8010,
Hey i been there. Keep eating and keep drinking. Remember you are worth it no matter what.
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