Dating a widow - red flags

Reply Mon 9 Nov, 2015 10:26 am
Maybe this will help someone with some information who might be interested in dating a widow or widower.

I've dated a widow for 3 years. She lost her husband 1.7 years before she found me on a dating site. From my experiences if there is red flags involved straight from the beginning it is too soon for them to date.

Red flag #1 first date she told me she was a widow I asked about him and she cried. Red ..Flag ....big red flag. I should have known then but I never dated a widow before, plus she was beautiful and sexy, and probably one of the most genuine women I had ever met. That's right ladies I am just a man.

Red flag #2. So, I dated her for quite a while at least four months before she let me come into her house. (we did go to my house all the time) When I went into her house every room had his picture(s) a wall dedicated just to him in the living room with his ashes included. For me I thought holy crap, what the heck. So, I when I got home I went to a widow forum and it suggested that I be respectful, and ask her about it and give her time to heal. Just hang in there and give her time to heal and just listen to her. ok that's what I did, and I also fell in love with her.

Fast forward through many red flags and the many times when she dumped me but always came back telling me that she loved only me and I was the only one. Did I mention I am only a man and she was very sexy? I'm starting to realize I'm in over my head.

Fast forward another 2 years. Our third anniversary...status. I'm numb. She still wears a anniversary ring on her had that he gave her, she still has his pictures up, including one in her room. I must say thought she did take down three other that were there and stopped wearing their wedding rings on a chain around her neck. Honestly ... I can count the times I spent over night at her house on my fingers, I did spend a lot of late nights there, but, I never felt comfortable enough to actually spend a lot if time with her at her house.

I mean I helped her with the yard work and just about everything else including her kids. We had made a lot of plans together. She did spend the night at my house a lot, with her kids. It was kinda like a family feeling, I didn't mind it at all.

But, recently she wanted me to spend the night at her house and got very angry when I didn't, but she knew what the problem was, I had talked with her in depth of my feelings about the pictures and other things that bothered me, it always made me feel like I was cheating with a married women. I didn't like it. She text me the next day after I refused to spend the night and told me I was free from her.

Ok, three years and I guess I am ready too. I hope this story helps someone.
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Reply Mon 9 Nov, 2015 12:09 pm
You should have trusted your own instincts.

Only a bull charges a red flag.

Really - you could have suggested that you two remodel another bedroom. New paint, linens, etc. Move all the pics into one room - maybe the old bedroom.

Three years is just about right for a woman to give herself permission to move on.

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