Fri 6 Nov, 2015 02:28 am
I've been dating this girl for 4 months now(long distance), I've known her for half a year. I know it's a short amount of time, but from experience and being in tune with my feelings. I can honestly say I'm in love with this girl more than any other I've been with. So we both say it. Last month an ex had texted her to ask for a ride to work(this was the 5th occurrence) I trust her, but I was annoyed at his persistence to keep asking. seeing as she has told him no multiple times. I asked her if they texted or talked in any way besides when he asked for rides. She told me no. A few nights after the conversation it was 3am. I got up to pee and she got a message from my brother on Facebook.i knew what it was so I was going to respond to him, opening up messenger I had seen messages from the ex I resisted until curiosity took over. I just opened and glanced at like 3 latest messages and stopped looking. I closed the phone and went to sleep. After she had lied to me numerous times and knowing the truth.. I became insecure. If she would just tell me the truth,I know I'd be okay. She insists to keep lying. So after all this, a month has passed and I told her I needed a break. She asked why and all I've said is I know something you're not telling me. She cried and didn't know what I was talking about. So we "broke up" and I instantly wanted her back. But I still know the truth. She called her best friend after our break up and vented. Her friend asked what I was talking about "knowing something, she didn't tell me" My gf told her she had an idea that I was mad at her for being insecure for getting messages from her ex, but she assured her BEST FRIEND that she wasn't talking to him and has never talked while dating me. (I know all this because I've gotten really close with her best friend and she knows the truth as I do." So in the end, she keeps denying. I'm so crazy blind in love with her. That all I want is for her to admit. But I'm having a hard time getting that. I've lived with the fact that I snooped for a split second and then having my girlfriend whom I love lie to me. I've held this secret in for a month and I can't do it anymore. It's been a few days but I'm waiting for her to call me to "talk." She swears up and down she truly loves me and thinks I'm the one.. As do I(seeing as I still want to fix things.) but I need her to tell me the truth. My plan as of now is when we have our talk. I'm going to ask if she truly loves me, that I need gods honest truth and then ask if she's ever talked to him at all while we've been dating. If she admits, I feel like we can work through it. If she doesn't. I'm going to tell her what happened, what I know and then probably move on with my life. I say probably because I usually cave in the moments we talk. This girl portrays this amazing girl that I've put so much trust in and I could see a future with her. After all this,I'm just trying to get my thoughts straight. Am I handling this properly? Or is there another way to go about this?
@ConfusedCanvas,
The details of your story make no sense whatsoever.
How the hell could you getting up in the middle of the night in your own home result in you knowing who she last messaged? And if you got up in the middle of the night in her place, same question, unless you're looking in her phone.
Are you?
Because it's all over but the shouting if you have, as you have proven pretty conclusively that you don't trust her.
@jespah,
I woke up to use the restroom, we message frequently through each other's phones, passing by it was my brother who messaged it. I picked it up with full intentions to message him back because I was talking to him through her messenger earlier. I saw the name, clicked it once and backed out. If I wanted to be nosey I would have searched through messages.
@ConfusedCanvas,
Okay, fine, so it's not premeditated.
But you are still left with someone who lied to you.
I would also suggest - regardless of what happens - stop involving the friend unless the friend is in the relationship with you. Otherwise, it's MYOB to the friend, and you don't spill the beans.
@ConfusedCanvas,
So she doesn't even tell her best friend about this...
If she told you the truth and said "I know you know that I text my ex more than I told you"....don't you think she'd word out the
only way you could possibly know that?
@vikorr,
Forgive me, the wordage sort of confused me.
@ConfusedCanvas,
1. keep her friend and whoever else out of this. do not talk to friends/family about your relationship. it's truly bad form - and usually leads to a mess (which you already have)
2. tell her what you know and how you know it - prepare for blowback and the possibility that the relationship will end - but at least you will have been honest - and your relationship needs more honesty on both sides
3. if the relationship continues (who would want it to? you both lie to each other), don't let **** like this fester. Look at this as a learning opportunity. You both need to learn to communicate about the stuff that matters. Not the lovey-dovey stuff. The real stuff.
4. stay out of each other's phones and social media accounts - there is no long-term upside to it
@ConfusedCanvas,
ConfusedCanvas wrote: She asked why and all I've said is I know something you're not telling me.
you are lying as much as she as
your game-playing has not done the relationship any good
Four months, and you are already playing games with each other?
You two have bad communication - especially you. (passive-aggressive, for sure. Not telling her exactly how you feel and why you feel that way; her confiding in her best friend instead of you)
Bring in a counselor to help you talk to each other. Unless you do, this relationship is doomed.
@ConfusedCanvas,
That is a definite possibility.
@ConfusedCanvas,
well, you have to ask few question from yourself before talking to her. First of all, you need to ask, whatever reply you get from her, will that be good enough or not? then if she admit that, how far are you willing to go with this truth? some people could forget and move on, on the other hand, some people use as a bank withdrawl whenever get into a fight. If it was me, I am willing to work with anything, if she is the one.
@ConfusedCanvas,
I was saying - the
only way you could know that she lied (sending more text messages to her ex than she would admit) is for you to have read her text messages.
You told her "I know you aren't telling me everything" (or something like that), and broke up with her, expecting her to confess.
If she did work out what you expect her to confess to...then she will also work out how you know about the texts- that you read her texts.
@ConfusedCanvas,
Are you doing any better with this friendship? any progress with both of you and honesty?
No you are not. You sound like a child, who is learning to get along without parents. How old are you by the way....
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