I feel too much time has passed and am I "HIM"

This is why therapists exist.

Talk to one. There is no shame in doing so.

Thank you I appreciate your reply but I haven't got the money at this moment trying to find a job I thought this website would be helpful and private

So you are frustrated and miserable but won't talk to a therapist or your g/f about the problem? How is it you expect to find a real solution? You won't invest your money or time and get therapy or ask your g/f for help with a problem?

This website is not private...it's quite public. However, it is anonymous.

That's a fair point I am coming off as quite a coward and might aswell try to find some kind if result so I'll give therapy a try again thanks for the feedback

Forgetting is the wrong thing to do, but so is getting consumed about this other guy. Concentrate on your woman, on what was lacking in your relationship that had her going to a different source. You dont even need to do this by going back in time to this event, figure out what is going on with her now, figure out what she wants now, and make sure she knows what you want, and then hopefully you both decide to go forwards looking forwards, looking for ways that both of you can be happy and fulfilled.

Thank you for the really helpful advice this is what I was looking for on this site much appreciated and I will talk it on board

My advice....move on. There's a lot of women out there who would value a man who doesn't cheat on them and they in return would never cheat on you.

There may or there may not be something lacking in your relationship but the point is, if there was then she never discussed it with you. She let it get so far that she was in another man's arms, either that or she doesn't really give a sh*t about your feelings. Sorry but it's true.

If you forgive someone then realize they will do it again...and again and again. You already drew a line in the beginning of the relationship and they crossed it...so now you draw a new line and say ok don't cross this new line. They already knew you forgave them the first time so your line means nothing to them.

I've been cheated on, it's hurts like no other. I forgave him...again and again. there was never a day that i didn't think about these women who he cheated on me with. They always played in my mind. I can honestly say every time we had sex I thought of him cheating on me with these women. It doesn't go away. The only way you get rid of it is by getting rid of the person who cheated on you. I tell you this because you admitted you have already fb stalked this guy. Do you really think you can get over the fact that some guy rubbed his hands all over the woman you loved and fucked her and made her cum?! I apologize that I'm being so harsh but I really want you to see that you are sooooooo much better then this. You deserve a woman who will value you. This was no accident, she didn't suddenly slip and fall on his dick.

I'm sure you love this woman and want to make things work but really, this woman doesn't respect you. Cut your losses and find a woman who respects you. It will hurt for a while but I think everyone will agree in the long run you will be better off. Do you really want to waste more time with a woman only to find out a year later she's still cheating?!

I'm with a man that I'm madly in love with. we fight and he drives me crazy from time to time and we have problems/issues like all couple do but never, never, never would I do this. There's no issues or problems worth risking the relationship for. I learned my lessons by being with insecure guys who cheated, learn the lesson and you will find the one.

That is so very dreary, like all of your post. I could not live like that. I decided that I will not live like that, I was about 17 years old. I had most of the time been a fat kid, I was bullied at school a lot of years, I was socially clueless, I lived in an abusive home with no physical affection to go with all of the violence, my hormones were going crazy and I could not even hardly talk to a girl much less get to first base, but I decided then that I refuse to live assuming the worst in everybody. I also knew that we are all flawed beings, and that a lot of people who are fucked up dont want to be and dont know why they are and they try not to be. Dont mean I am going to stick around and get hurt but I am not going to be unrealistic neither. Life is messy, life is pain, life is all shades not just black and white.....bad and good.

C'mon danielle35, none of us are Gods.

Hi Hawkeye10.

I'll be honest, I think I get where you're coming from, maybe not. But I really don't want to go back and fourth because my intention is to help the guy who posted. I'm not implying that we are all Gods, I posted that I'm in a relationship myself and we have issues. Everyone has issues. No one is perfect and I know this. I just have a different opinion. I value your opinion that this guy should find out what was missing in his relationship and try to ensure all needs are met.

I believe that we have free will. You make you own choices. What if this girl just likes him and doesn't really love him. We all know people who are in relationships because they don't want to be alone. What if this girl is like this. It won't matter what he does because she will never really love him.

I also think there are people who do make mistakes who really love someone and they won't 'mess up' again. They learned their lesson. But my concern is for him. Yes, someone can eff up and learn from it but what is the cause and effect for the person who was cheated on? Is the person who was cheated on capable of forgetting? This is the real question. The guy on here admitted he looked up this guy on fb and instagram. This tells me he's not the type to forgive and forget. I am this type, I do not forgive or forget and i'll telling him it will haunt him as long as he's with this girl. Plus he deserves a woman who will make the choice to value him. Yes, Life is messy, life is pain, life is all shades not just black and white.....bad and good. But this man deserves a woman who will make good choices for him.