I don't know how I feel about this girl, how should I proceed?

Forums: Relationships, Dating, Advice
Email this Topic • Print this Page

Hi, I am asking in this forum as I am uncertain about how to proceed with dating this girl that I met.
I met this girl and we went out on a date and have also met twice in a non-date capacity. The thing is, when I am with her I don't feel any sexual attraction at all. However when I'm apart from her I long to see her again and I have all the signs of being in love, I'm extremely happy, when I message her I constantly look whether she has seen my post, when I'm away from her I long to see her again and just before we met last time in non-date capacity I started to have serious trouble concentrating at work.
So my question is, have any of you tried this before? Will the sexual attraction come with time? It's not like I feel like "I will definately not have sex with her", more of a "I don't feel an urge to take her".
I would like to get intimate with her to see how I feel (I'm just talking about at most kissing), but at the same time I do not want to lead her on if there actually isn't any sexual attraction.
She is really beautiful, I can see that with my objective mind, but I just don't feel it. Maybe because she has red hair and the girls I usually like are all blondes. Do you think I should continue and try to get intimate or what should I do?
I am 25 but still a virgin so I have no idea if this is normal for me or not.. I know that in the beginning my main problem was that I were scared of committing and hence I automatically distanced myself from all my emotions, which may still be affecting me, which is why I want to try being more intimate, but I don't want to deceive her. And it's probably not good to tell her "hey, I don't feel any sexual attraction to you right now, but I would like to meet up more to see if that will improve, if you don't mind" Smile

.
I already told her that I don't know exactly how I feel and she understands (we have been able to be very open), but I haven't told her that it's sexual attraction that I don't feel. And I'm kind of scared that this could ruin everything.. Because of this I'm also uncertain about whether it's deceiving her to start talking/joking about sexual stuff (even though she does bring up many options to do so.. but again I don't want to lead on if it won't turn out to be anything). Please if you have any advice or experiences from your own life.

Topic Stats
Top Replies
Link to this Topic

Type: Question • Score: 3 • Views: 620 • Replies: 7

No top replies

@Soren15,

It's too early to be talking about love.

Date. See what happens. Kiss if you want to.

It's dating, not a ball and chain. You can change your mind, and so can she.

1 Reply

@jespah,

Shouldn't I still be feeling some kind of sexual attraction for her or is it normal for that to come later? And how much later should I expect it at the latest? That's one of the things I'm most concerned about.. I see girls that I definitely find attractive, so it's not like I don't feel that..
Thanks for your reply that already helps a lot of relieving some of my worries Smile

3 Replies

@Soren15,

It is what it is. Who cares about what you "should" be feeling.

The way I would look at it is that you need to spend more time with her to figure out if you want a relationship or not. Be respectful to her, certainly don't be deceptive. But sure, there is a chance that this might turn into a good relationship, you should proceed. You are trying this relationship out, nothing more. See where it goes.

0 Replies

@Soren15,

Soren15 wrote:

And how much later should I expect it at the latest? T

there are no deadlines on when you might feel attraction. it might happen tomorrow, it might happen in 20 years, it might never happen.

Do you like her? like just straight out like her

Is she a good friend to you?

Would you spend time with her as a friend if there was no romantic future?

Do you have female friends?

__

it's possible she's meant to be a good friend to you, while you have other people as girlfriends in the future

____

don't worry about any of it. enjoy your time with your friend.

1 Reply

@Soren15,

Soren15 wrote:

my main problem was that I were scared of committing

dating is not committing to anything

it's getting to know people

0 Replies

@Soren15,

Quote:

Shouldn't I still be feeling some kind of sexual attraction for her or is it normal for that to come later?

It depends what you mean by "sexual attraction". If you mean barely controllable lust, with physical signs such as erection etc, it is quite normal not to feel that at first, especially in a non-bedroom setting.

0 Replies

@ehBeth,

Thank you all for your replies, I will definitely try to see where things goes.

@ehBeth,
Yes, I like her, but not in a "I want to kiss her"-sense.. maybe later.., more in a I would like to spend my time with her, get to know her better and hopefully start feeling more for her. I have been talking with her over chat a lot and I feel we are a perfect match in every other way and yes I really like her. In chat I even start wanting to get close with her, getting romantic, but when we are together I don't really feel it. Maybe because I am too afraid.. or my mind realizes that reality isn't the same as chat.. I really don't know.

I would definitely spend time with her even if it were non-romantic future.
I have a couple of other very good female friends and that is also where I would like to take this if it doesn't become romantic relationship.
That is also why I don't want to screw things up such that we cannot become friends otherwise.

@Tes yeux noirs
By sexual attraction I mean thinking "this girl is hot" or "I would like to kiss and hold her". I don't mean physical signs as you say. I think maybe this could appear as I get to know her better, but I'm not sure.

0 Replies

I don't know how I feel about this girl, how should I proceed?

Related Topics

Quick Links

My Account

able2know