I told my wife that my doctor said my heart was healthy enough for sex.
She said, "I want a second opinion."
@George,
Suddenly silent blackness overtook me while I was watching The Shining on my iPhone 4s. No wifi or cell signal!
@tsarstepan,
Today on the way to the kitchen I stepped in a turd. We don't have any pets.
I glugged down a refreshing glass of apple juice I found in the fridge.
My wife said, "Have you seen my urine sample?"
The alarm sounded, signalling the start of work at Nike's Dhaka plant. Another day, another dollar.
PC Load Letter. PC Load Letter????
I "forced" the kids into a two-sentence horror story competition at school today. I'll bring back some cute ones.
First prize: Lash brings them lunch one day, or they get to blow class and hang in the media center one day. I loved reading their entries.
@Lash,
Tweeted that I ironically love Nickelback the band. Realized I forgot to add a winkie emoticon and that my followers really don't know my last tweet was sarcastic.
@Lash,
Its a breath mint. Actually Its a suppository
@farmerman,
Damn these suppositories. For all the good they do, I may have well have stuck them up my butt.
@tsarstepan,
I woke up to hear a breathing coming from somewhere in the room, I held my breath and realised it wasn't mine. I live aline
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