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Tue 20 Oct, 2015 03:23 am
I have been with my boyfriend for many years now, unfortunately I feel he has been cheating on me for many of those years.
I have always avoided looking for the evidence as I was nervous as to what I would find. Because of this I found another guy who I did fall for in a big way, he was married and as the story goes after a long winded relationship his spouse found out and he just suddenly left me by blocking me. This threw me into a state of deep depression as I had known him for many years, which I am still recovering from today.
However my boyfriend is still cheating, even after realising my affair and I am now getting to the point where I was some security in my life. I am 34 years old and if this continues I am going to be middle aged with no life. I am fed up of feeling like a bad person or that I am in the way while he ignores me all of the time. I need to know how I can catch him out. He takes both his phone and ipad to work with him, he has a password on everything, his very secretive when inputting his passcodes, when he turns his phone on in the morning I hear a ton of messages come through (and his not that popular), his constantly smiling while reading his phone and acts sheepish around me when he knows I have spotted it, his hardly at home and works at weird hours. When I try and ask him about it he denies it and always puts it back onto me, as if it’s my fault.
I need to get on one of his devices or laptop so that I know for sure what I am dealing with, but how can I? I have always been against invasion of privacy, but what else can I do. I have lived with this for long enough and I am starting to feel like a prisoner.
Any advice?
@StormRivers,
Or you can just break up. You know, like a mature person would.
Sneaking around is for insecure children. You clearly don't trust this guy anymore, so does it really matter if he's guilty? You are certainly guilty of breaching his trust. So why not just end things, and give him a chance to find someone who trusts him. And give yourself a chance to get into a better relationship which doesn't have this ton of baggage attached to it.
He is not the only male humanoid out there. You do not need to stay.
@StormRivers,
Why do you need to "catch him out?" You don't trust him. You are certain is has been and is cheating on you. Even if he is not, you do not trust him. Why would you live in a relationship with a person you do not trust? You will always be questioning him, wondering what he is doing and with whom.
Walk away. End it. Hard as it may be, make the break now. Else several years from now, when everything (if there is anything) comes out, it will hurt even more and you will be several years older. Find yourself a SINGLE man you can trust and make yourself happy.
@StormRivers,
Stay out of his phone, ipad, computer, etc. That is an unhealthy and dangerous road to go down. If you are at that point it's time to re-evaluate where you are individually and where your relationship stands as a whole. Doing this will allow you to determine if you are questioning his fidelity because he may be cheating or to justify your decision to seek elsewhere the intimacy that is reserved for your relationship. What you can do is start with yourself, look at the choices you are making and build from there. Why has a relationship peppered w/doubts and infidelities gone on for years w/no resolve? You are at a pivotal point, a fork in the road where instead of violating his privacy and further damaging the almost non-existent trust of your relationship you can turn things around. Keep in mind this may or not may not mean staying in this relationship.
@StormRivers,
You are wasting years of your life! You felt he was cheating for years for years but buried your head. Then you cheated with someone who had his own relationship (marriage). None of this is right and I doubt this is all you want or feel you deserve in your life.
I worked with a lovely nurse practitioner who had an affair with a judge for 13 years. He was married. She was always an after thought to him. I didn't condone her behavior at all. She was too good of a person to do that. But now she is 50- she has not had the marriage or children she always wanted.
Life is too short. Get out of your relationship. Find a single, unattached man who is looking for a loving monogamous relationship.
Treat other women as you would want to be treated.
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