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Tue 14 Jan, 2003 07:18 pm
Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm a dog.
Doctor: Sit on the couch and we will talk about it.
But I'm not allowed up on the couch!
Doctor, Doctor You've got to help me - I just can't stop my hands shaking!
Doc: Do you drink a lot?
Not really - I spill most of it!
Doctor, Doctor Have you got something for a bad headache?
Doc: Of course. Just take this hammer and smash yourself in the head.
Then you'll have a bad headache.
Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm God!
Doc: When did this start?
Well first I created the sun, then the earth, then the...
Doctor, Doctor I keep getting pains in the eye when I drink coffee!
Doc: Have you ever tried it by taking the spoon out FIRST?
Doctor, Doctor will this ointment clear up my spots?
Doc: I never make rash promises!
Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm a frog!
Doc: So what's wrong with that?
I think I'm going to croak!
Doctor: Do you have problems with alcohol?
Patient: No, only without!
Doctor: You have an incurable heart condition.
Patient: Can I get a second opinion?
Doctor: Okay, you're ugly, too.
Doctor: I have bad news and worse news.
Patient: What's the bad news?
Doctor: You have Alzheimer's disease.
Patient: And the worse news?
Doctor: You only have three months to live.
Patient: Well at least I don't have Alzheimer's.
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