Reply
Sun 25 Jul, 2004 05:11 pm
Hello
I am so hurt I dont know what to do.
I am 40 yrs old and I dont want any games in a relationship.
I have been going with the same man for 4 1/2 yrs.
The other day I had a terrible migraine I was unable to speak with him on the phone. I got the message to him that I was ill with headache.
Today I called him and his father was there and he told me that Jimmy split... he went up to the familys farm!
he didnt even tell me he was going. I am so very upset. All I know is he took his friend Steve with him.
Mind you this is a man that would not allow me to go to a hockey game because of his jealousy of my friends.
Now here I am clueless. He just took off without calling me all that day to even tell me where he is. HE still hasnt called.
I am starting to feel that the only way for this man to learn now his behavior hurts me is to treat him the same way although I dont want to play any games. One side of me says throw it all away over this latest stunt of his because now I am physically sick over it.
But isnt it the only way to show others how thier actions hurt YOU by being the same way to THEM>?
I am honestly heartbroken, even his dad told me he cant believe he didnt call me to tell me he was going.
Meanwhile here I am wondering how on earth this happened. Last summer this happened when he took his son to the shore and didnt tell me and he promised me it would never happen again. But here I am at the same point. I am so hurt.
Any advice as to what to do ?I have had upset tummy and headache for 3 days now. I am sick over this. I am so bewildered.
Jackie
Hey, Jackie, welcome to Able2know.
Hmm, he didn't "allow" you to go to a hockey game? This guy gives and withholds permission in your relationship? I know you may not have meant for your statement to appear that way, but that's how it looks from here. Personally, at age 41 (me), I'd tell any guy who tried to give or withhold permission from me where he could go. But that's me. :-D
Anyway, bottom line is, he said he wouldn't do this again, and now he has. And even his own father is bewildered by his actions. Curious - how upset was he that you and he couldn't get together? I mean, headaches happen. Illness happens. Schedules get messed up. The world's an imperfect place.
Do you think he left in anger, or was it impulsive, or what? 'Cause the same thing is true in reverse. People decide stuff all the time, and don't always share 100% of their plans. Is that bad? Well, it's somewhat inconsiderate, but so far as I'm concerned it's not a fatal flaw. Is he supposed to contact you when he goes away? Does he normally do so? Since I don't know much about your background as a couple, it's hard to tell whether this act was out of spite or just forgetfulness. Oh, and another thing - the world's still an imperfect place - cel phone batteries die, pay phones can't be found all the time, folks lose track of time, etc.
What I'm saying, bottom line, is - you may both need to cut another some slack here. Can you do that without harming your position in the relationship?
jespah wrote:Hey, Jackie, welcome to Able2know.
Hmm, he didn't "allow" you to go to a hockey game? This guy gives and withholds permission in your relationship? I know you may not have meant for your statement to appear that way, but that's how it looks from here. Personally, at age 41 (me), I'd tell any guy who tried to give or withhold permission from me where he could go. But that's me. :-D
Anyway, bottom line is, he said he wouldn't do this again, and now he has. And even his own father is bewildered by his actions. Curious - how upset was he that you and he couldn't get together? I mean, headaches happen. Illness happens. Schedules get messed up. The world's an imperfect place.
Do you think he left in anger, or was it impulsive, or what? 'Cause the same thing is true in reverse. People decide stuff all the time, and don't always share 100% of their plans. Is that bad? Well, it's somewhat inconsiderate, but so far as I'm concerned it's not a fatal flaw. Is he supposed to contact you when he goes away? Does he normally do so? Since I don't know much about your background as a couple, it's hard to tell whether this act was out of spite or just forgetfulness. Oh, and another thing - the world's still an imperfect place - cel phone batteries die, pay phones can't be found all the time, folks lose track of time, etc.
What I'm saying, bottom line, is - you may both need to cut another some slack here. Can you do that without harming your position in the relationship?
hi thanks for the reply
Jim gives me no slack whatsoever. I am literally not allowed to go anywhere with anyone or he gets mad. Hes been inconsiderate before..many times so...and I cant take it much more if at all any more. He has a cell phone he called his dad but he never called me. I put so much into this relationship I mean 4 1/2 years is a long time. The last I spoke to him he was like "I hope u feel better and honey I will talk to you tomorrow? that was it. Thats why Im so confused. Also because I know he would NOT tolerate this behavior from me.
Jackie
He probably figures, since you couldn't talk to him on the phone, and instead "got a message to him" that you had a headache, that you weren't really home at all and had somebody lit to him for you, so going away without telling you is your "punishment'.
He seems pretty immature, besides being jealous and kind of a jerk.
Four and a half years is a long time, yes. That doesn't mean you have to give it even more time!
I say get rid of him. At your age, you don't need someone else telling you what you can and can't do, and playing games with you. Honestly, there's better out there for you!
OH MY GOD!
Jim called here and left a message on the machine for AG
I called his dad and he was INFURIATED!
HE told ME that AG is a DRUG DEALER and that he just gave Jim and Steve $30! He is PISSED! Jim didnt even know he was calling MY NUMBER when he left the message!
He also told me he told Jim off about not calling me and Jim LIED and said I called her 2 times and left messages on her machine. LIAR!
I AM IN TOTAL SHOCK
Jackie - run - fast - and don't look back. This whole thing smells badly. You deserve better.
I am in TOTAL SHOCK
I dont think I EVER EVER want to speak with him again.
The LIES after 4 1/2 yrs.
When he comes out of his stupor I know he will be calling on me but I am SCREENING my calls I have NOTHING to say to him let him stew in it.
He made his bed now hes gonna have to lie in it.
Sounds harsh I know but I need to get out/thank you for the support
Best of luck Jackie, stand your ground!
I agree with the others, jackie28. You do not need a drugged-up, game-playing control freak in your life. Don't waste any more years on him. There are better men out there. Believe me.
Thank You
My world just fell apart
But Im gonna try.
I was just listening to phone messages from 6 days ago him telling me "dont screw up my love for you" HA! Can you imagine that one?
Good news is his dad is onto him so no more money...Steve has to work all week...so he will run out of his drugs by tomm afternoon for SURE and then his suffering will begin.
I already sent a letter out which he should get Tuesday I said my goodbyes and ended it because I feel NO DESIRE to talk to this "man" any longer.
Thank you for everything...
Oh my aching head and my "booboo" tummy
Jackie--
You haven't invested 4 1/2 years in him--you've been living in a dream. Awakening is hard, but living in the real world is better than being the part-time girlfriend of a lying, jealous druggie.
Welcome to A2K--and Real Life.
This guy gives the "Jims" of the world a bad name. Don't give the loser a second thought.
Jackie - are you sure you're 40?
You certainly don't talk like it
im just stating what is going on.
This is exactly what I mean. This sounds like something that would have happened to me say if I was 20 but at this point in my life>? NO>
Thats why Im so jurt and confused.
I really had no idea but now I know and the only thing I can do is stay away from him.
And after such a long time it wont be easy.
I didnt get any sleep last night at all. This just hurts so bad. I want to thank everyone for the kind words of encouragement.
Hang in there, jackie. Sometimes truth hurts. But even hurting, it's better than living a lie.
Don't beat yourself up about not knowing better at your age. Maturity doesn't give us an advantage over treachery. Much older people have been fooled. It can happen to anyone.
Try exercise. It'll make you sleep better. Plus, you can work out a lot of anger that way. Picture his face on the punching bag. Or imagine yourself stomping on him with every step you jog. You get the idea.
THANK YOU for UNDERSTANDING
It means SO MUCH to me.
YEs I must get rid of this pent up anxiety.
I do not walk yet another sleepless night I know he isnt worth it and I also know that like the song says "time is on MY SIDE" cause trust me without ME in his life...he doesnt have much at all.
BIG HUGS
JACKIE
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