My family is making my life a living hell

I've come to the breaking point with my family. Both my parents are alcoholics. Throughout my life, they have alternated, sometimes daily, between telling me I am the most important thing in their lives and screaming at me that they wish I was never born. My mother beat my father for many years every time they got in an argument, and beat my brother and myself too. There were many times, even as a college student, that my mother flew into alcoholic rages and attacked me naked (if she was in the bathtub at the time she became angry), attempting to push me down our indoor flight of stairs. My mother and father fought frequently, and as a child I was told point blank that "it was all my fault." My father had many affairs, and would tell my mother about them and flaunt them (verbally) in front of everyone.There was a phase where I tried to confront my parents about the emotional and physical abuse that went on in my house growing up. My mother put her hands over her ears and shouted "I don't want to hear this" and proceeded to RUN out of the room...my dad YELLED AT ME FOR UPSETTING HER.


I finally escaped the house after I graduated college. I was very depressed at the time and it took me many years to get my equilibrium and carve out my own life and my own peace. Luckily I met a wonderful man who I was friends with for a few years...we started dating and now have been married for 10 years. My life with my husband is the exact opposite of my parents. It was rocky at first because every time we argued I would be afraid it would blow up into what I was used to between my parents growing up, but my husband treats me with respect, we don't abuse each other, and we are best friends.

However, my family still is negatively affecting my life to the point it is a constant source of worry and stress for me. I didn't talk to them for about 5 years. However, I felt so guilty about not talking to them I initiated contact with them again when I was in my late twenties. Things were smooth for a few years but have deteriorated rapidly again. My parents came to see me recently because I was having surgery..."we love you and will do anything for you" they said, blah blah blah...within three days they were screaming at my husband, insulting his religion (he is Jewish) which I thought was abhorrent. My father was also making racial slurs in public, and my mom almost set the house on fire because she was cooking while she was drunk.

Well, we basically kicked them out. I have one brother who I don't have a great relationship with either. As soon as they left, they called him and were telling him insulting things about my husband. My brother called me to see if everything was okay...I told him not to listen to anything my parents say about my husband because they also say hateful things about his wife, who I know is very nice. Well, he got mad and called them and asked them to stop saying nasty things about his wife...NOW THEY ARE NOT TALKING TO ME BECAUSE I TOLD HIM THEY SAID BAD THINGS ABOUT HIS WIFE. My father, who is 55, called my answering machine and was making ANIMAL noises at me.

Here is the crux of my problem - I would REALLY like to permanently get them out of my life at this point, but I feel guilty because they are my parents. I have tried very hard to forgive and forget but this latest incident is the straw that is breaking my back. I try to cut them slack because I really think they have legitimate psychiatric issues but they are sucking the life out of me. If it wasn't for my husband I think I would be in a very bad place in my life. We laugh about it to break the stress, but I don't know what to do anymore. They are probably never going to initiate a healthy relationship with me, as they think at this point I owe them an apology for "telling" on them to my brother. But they are both in poor health because of their heavy drinking and I wonder who is going to take care of them when their health gives out. I guess what I am trying to say is if I am talking to them they are manipulative and abusive, and if I am not talking to them, I fell guilty because they are family.

I want to know if anyone is in a similar situation or if anyone can give me some advice. I've tried confronting them to no avail...I've tried overlooking their shortcomings, but when they are shouting anti-semitic comments at my husband I really feel they have crossed a line that there is no going back over. My husband, even after all this, says "whatever you feel comfortable doing with them I will support." Please help with some suggestions before they drive me crazy. I just want some peace in my life and for them to be semi normal.