Tue 29 Sep, 2015 06:07 am
Depression gives our lives nothing but a dark, hopeless, and "dead" tone. For that very reason, you cannot have any good meaning, love, joy, happiness, and inspiration in your life while you are depressed since those terms just mentioned all have a light, cheerful, vibrant, vigorous, and "alive" tone. You can actually have those things in your life. It is only during the moments where your depression passes and you are in a good mood that you can have those said things back in your life. Otherwise, as long as you are in a depressed mood, then your friends, family, goals/dreams, and your entire life will be engulfed in darkness.
You can still recognize those said things in your life as having good meaning and bringing you joy, love, happiness, and inspiration. But this is actually false since you are doing nothing more than just simply recognizing those things as having good meaning and whatnot. In other words, you are doing nothing more than telling yourself words and phrases (labels). It would be no different than if a blind and deaf person told his/herself he/she still has sight and hearing. Even though he/she can still recognize what sight and hearing are despite his/her blindness and deafness, he/she cannot have any sight or hearing in his/her life.
Our moods are what solely dictate the tone of our lives. Nothing else dictates the tone of our lives. As long as you are depressed, then there is no light that can be given off to you whatsoever from your friends, family, goals/dreams, and this life. You cannot perceive any light whatsoever in order to give good meaning, love, joy, happiness, and inspiration to your life. As long as you are depressed, then everything is still engulfed in nothing but darkness. Some people would say that we can have a positive tone in our lives to give good meaning, love, joy, happiness, and inspiration to our lives even while in a depressed mood. But this is false.
If you were severely crippled by depression and you looked at a ferris wheel at the fair and said in an extremely positive excited tone:
"YIPEE!!! I WANT TO GO ON THAT FERRIS WHEEL!!!"
Then that would be a fake expression. It would be forced and not genuine at all. You are acting positive and excited when you really aren't. So in that same sense, any positive, joyful, loving, inspirational, and cheerful mental state we think we are having in our lives while depressed, then that too is also fake. You cannot have anything positive in your life to look forward to and live for while you are depressed.
You would just be doing nothing more than simply thinking that you have something positive and thinking that you have good meaning, love, joy, happiness, and inspiration in your life while depressed when it was never true. Not even through acceptance and adaptation to your depression. It would be no different than how a blind and deaf person can accept and adapt to his/her blindness and deafness. But he/she still does not have sight or hearing.
Since it would obviously make no sense and would be fake for you to express a positive tone while depressed, then it would only make sense for you to only express a depressive, "dead," and hopeless tone. As I said before, our tones are what give light (good meaning, love, joy, happiness, and inspiration) to our lives or darkness (bad meaning, suffering, despair, and pain) to our lives. Our moods are the only things that dictate our tones in life. So if you said to yourself while depressed that your life still has good meaning, love, joy, happiness, and inspiration, then this is a version of good meaning, love, joy, happiness, and inspiration that has nothing but a depressive tone (depressive mental state) to it.
It is a version of good meaning, love, joy, happiness, and inspiration that is engulfed in nothing but darkness. There is no light shining from it to give actual good meaning, love, joy, happiness, and inspiration to your life. Therefore, you wouldn't be having any good meaning, love, joy, happiness, and inspiration in your life at all while you are depressed. Your family, friends, goals/dreams, and this life would mean nothing to you and nor would it bring you any joy, love, happiness, or inspiration. You would just be thinking that they do. But they really wouldn't at all.
It would be no different than if there were a piece of gold covered in nothing but muck and darkness and other people said:
"I see the light! This gold gives off a glorious and magnificent shine! Despite the fact that it is engulfed in nothing but muck and darkness, I will always live and have this shining light in my life!"
These people would only be deluding themselves. There is no light shining from that gold. It would be no different than how deluded religious people say:
"I see the light! I see the Son of God and the Holy Father!"
That light never existed. If someone were to say that and think that someone would be healed, then they would not be healed just because they believed in this light. So this version of light that these people think they are seeing is all fake. It was never there to begin with. I am an atheist here just to let you know. So I don't believe in the God and afterlife just as how I do not believe in this version of good meaning, love, joy, happiness, and inspiration people say we can have in our lives while depressed.
But anyway, going back to my gold analogue. The only way for that gold to shine again would be to remove all that muck and darkness. So in that same sense, the only way for a depressed person to have good meaning, love, joy, happiness, and inspiration back in his/her life would be if he/she were to fully recover from his/her depression and have his/her experience of his/her good moods back to him/her. As with my gold analogue, it too would be nonsensical for a depressed person to say that he/she still has good meaning, love, joy, happiness, and inspiration in his/her life. It would be no different than him/her saying:
"I see the good meaning, love, joy, happiness, and inspiration in my life! This life and everything in it gives off a glorious and magnificent shine! Despite the fact that it is engulfed in nothing but muck and darkness due to my depression, I will always live and have this shining light of good meaning, love, joy, happiness, and inspiration in my life!"
It doesn't matter even if this depressed person put all his/her focus into other things and people in his/her life, that would still mean nothing to him/her and would bring nothing of any good value/worth to his/her life. Even the idea of helping/inspiring others and making the world a better place would mean nothing to him/her and would bring nothing of any good value/worth to his/her life regardless of what he/she thought otherwise. So with all of this being said, I have every reason to be convinced that good meaning, love, joy, happiness, and inspiration are not personally defined terms. They do not come through our way of thinking alone. They do not come through personally defining those said terms however we want through our thoughts alone.
It is instead our good moods alone that give us those things. It is living a depression free life that gives us good meaning, love, joy, happiness, and inspiration. It would be the functioning of our reward system of our brains that gives us those things. The more functional and healthy your reward system is, the more of those things you will have in your life. But if your reward system is malfunctioned, unhealthy, and is turned off due to depression, then you won't have any of those things.
Therefore, good, joy, happiness, love, pleasure, and inspiration are mental states like sight, touch, hearing, and smell. They are our good moods. They do not come through our way of thinking alone while depressed just as how sight and hearing also do not come through our way of thinking alone either. This is actually a theory of mine to test in a science lab. I have a very strong hunch that it could very well be true.
I mean, would it make any sense to say that a severely crippled depressed person on the brink of suicide has much more good meaning, love, joy, happiness, and inspiration in his/her life than he/she did before when he/she was in the greatest good mood of his/her life? Not at all! If good meaning, love, joy, happiness, and inspiration were all personally defined terms, then this would mean that we can say nonsensical statements such as these.
For that very reason, I am thinking they are not personally defined subjective terms. Furthermore, there are far more depressed people who are suicidal than those types of depressed people who choose to live on. Even someone as moral and strong-willed as Robin Williams ended up committing suicide due to his depression. So that being the case, this just clearly says to me here that depression in of itself renders our lives having nothing but bad meaning and that it has nothing to do with our way of thinking.
There are severely crippled depressed people living most of their lives still not finding any good meaning, love, joy, happiness, and inspiration in their lives. This is because they are like me. They can see the truth that one cannot have any of those things in his/her life as long as he/she is depressed. They are not deluded people. It is often the pessimists who see the truth. Optimists tend to be blind and deluded. So for that very reason, my theory just might be that more likely to be true.
It is like I said before. We need to find a way through science to create an eternal blissful life of no more suffering and to find a way to resurrect people such as me who have missed out on life so that we can live this eternal blissful life. I always need to be pumped up in a good mood in order to perceive good meaning, love, joy, happiness, and inspiration in my life when living and being a composer. If, for example, I have composed an epic masterpiece, then I would obviously not just want to sit there all down and depressed and just simply acknowledge the fact that I did something in my life.
I would want to get all pumped up in a good mood from having done that. I would then want to be in a pumped up good mood from listening to my music. So that is my one and only reason for living and in being a composer. Just knowing that you did something great in your life and in helping others while being in a completely settled, bland, or hopeless mindstate due to your depression and absence of good moods is an utterly inferior mechanical robotic mental state as I already explained in the very beginning of this packet. I would not stand for one moment being lowered down into that utterly inferior, detestable, and mocking/insulting mental state.
I live to be all pumped up in an inspired and transcended good mood when pursuing my composing dream and composing. You do not realize just how rage-provoking it is to pursue such a great and inspiring dream only to be in a mental state that is nothing great or inspired. For me to pursue and compose such awesome and epic transcended themes for the characters and for me to be in the mental state of doing it in a hopeless, "dead," and mechanical way, that would drive me to a psychotic rage. I am not in the mental state that reflects the greatness, profoundness, awesomeness, inspiration, and transcendence of my composing which would be the mental state of having my good moods.
I do not live and compose just to simply sit there and know that I did something in my life and for others. That way of life is utterly inferior, rage-provoking, insulting, and is of no good value or worth to me. Instead, my sole reason for living is to be pumped up in a good mood from knowing that I did something in my life and for others. Since my compositions would be transcending themes for the characters since this is my personality I wish to express and expresses who I am as a person, then I also expect to be in the transcended mind state of my good moods. The transcending power of my compositions must enter me and give me a sense of transcendence. Without this sense of transcendence, then me and my life can be nothing good or great at all.
So my sole reason for living and in being a composer is to feel transcending energies (my good moods). To experience the transcending power of the worlds/environments combined with my compositions in order to make me feel "alive," feel pumped up, and to feel a transcended sense that would take me and my life higher. I wish to experience the joy, love, happiness, inspiration, and good meaning of this life and composing. My good moods are the only things that can achieve this. For anyone to call me any names for this would be the mental health stigma we all see today against depressed people.
My good moods are the one and only things that can get me very focused and completely dedicated to my composing dream. If I am down and depressed, then I see no reason to compose any longer and would just give up. I'm not depressed now. So this is the reason why I have gone back to pursuing my composing. My good moods are like my soul to me.
My reward system is like my soul. If it ever malfunctions, turns off, or becomes destroyed, then I am rendered as being nothing more than a lifeless zombie that can have no good meaning, love, joy, happiness, or inspiration in life. The more of a good mood I am in, the more spirit energy I have absorbed to increase the energy of my soul.
So my soul would have become something greater which would transcend me and my life into something greater. Depression is what destroys and cripples our souls while our good moods (the opposite) are what transcend our souls. But being neither in a good mood nor a depressed mood just simply neutralizes your soul and leaves your life having neutral (neither good or bad) value and worth. But like I said before, I do not believe in souls or the supernatural. I am just using a metaphorical description here.
Being in a depressed state does not enhance your mental functions at all. It does not make you more intelligent or creative. It might give you new ideas for works of art to express, but it is instead the cultivating and honing of our skills and talents that makes us more intelligent and creative.
We can clearly see what goes on with mice in the lab. The mice that are depressed show much more mental and physical impairments. They are much slower and hardly function. But the mice that have their reward system stimulated and are in a good mood, these ones show enhanced mental and physical functioning. Which all goes back to my point here. Our good moods are what enhance us. They transcend us and our lives into something greater.
Therefore, all the famous and great artists could of made works of art that are much greater if it weren't for their depression and if they were all in good moods. If they made their tragic and dark/gothic works of art through their good moods alone (their pleasure in dark/gothic and tragic things), then their works of art would of turned out to be much better. This is because their depression hinders and impairs their intellectual and creative abilities.
Depression impairs our mental functions while us honing our intelligence and creativity through studying up on things, thinking outside the box, etc. enhances our intellectual and creative functions. But us having both our good moods and honing our intelligence and creativity is what would result in the greatest enhanced mental functioning. There are studies that show how depression actually enhances our mental function, but these are all lies. It is the honing of our mental functions that enhances them as I stated earlier. So the depression in of itself does nothing. It only impairs and cripples us.
There are images (scans) of a depressed person's brain vs a normal happy and healthy human brain. The depressed person's brain shows much less activity and function while the normal person's brain shows much activity and function. So there is no way then that a depressed person can turn out to be more intelligent and creative from their depression alone. If they are more intelligent and creative than a normal and happy healthy person, then it would of been because of other factors instead. Depression is what turns us off (shuts us down) while our good moods are the opposite. They speed us up and enhance our mental functioning.
It is like how people take illegal drug and other reward stimulating drugs and their mental functions become enhanced, they are much more "alive," and they are much more inspired to create great works of art since they are in much more of a good mood due to the illegal drug and those drugs. So that is who I want to be. I wish to be the "high" and "pumped up" artist (composer).
Never in a million years would I ever choose to be the "low" composer who is down and depressed and/or apathetic. I would never and I would utterly detest being someone I'm not and living a way of life that I'm not. Not saying that I am going to take any illegal drug or any other type of drugs since I am well aware that they do damage your brain over time and even damage the reward system of the brain over time. So I could never do something so foolish. Especially since my reward system is all I have to give my life good meaning, love, joy, happiness, and inspiration.
Artists and composers tap into themselves by channeling energy in coming up with great works of art and compositions. They channel this energy mentally and this is what gives them the vision. They see and hear works of art in their mind. The better they are able to channel this energy, the greater the works of art created in his/her mind are. But if an artist were depressed, then they can't channel energy that well at all. They are crippled and sapped of their very being. They are "dead" inside. Therefore, their works of art created in their mind won't turn out that well at all.
Their mental functions are crippled and impaired. So they cannot create anything of much greatness at all. If they did create something great despite their depression, then it would only of been because they studied up and learned how to create great works of art. They also had some already existing intelligence and creativity to make their works of art great as well. But their works of art could of been far greater had they had their good moods to tap and channel into. Their channeling ability (inspiration) would be that much more enhanced and their works of art could of turned out to be that much greater as a result.
As long as you are in a depressed or apathetic mood, then your works of art won't turn out to be that great as they should of have if you had your good moods. So that is who I want to be. I wish to be the enhanced, transcended, and pumped up epic artist who creates epic and transcending otherworldly strange themes for the characters and their worlds through my good moods. I wish to have nothing stop me and bring my good moods down.
I wish to become greater and greater and create greater and greater compositions through my good moods alone. I do not wish to be that bland, apathetic, and lifeless, hopeless, depressed artist who says: "Welp, such is life and I just gotta do what I gotta do. I am going to do something great with my life anyway and help/inspire others." That way of living and being an artist is utterly inferior and nothing to me as I said before. It is living like that of a lifeless machine.
Sure, depressed people tend to think more and more and they engage their minds more and more. For example, there were many depressed people in history who were able to analyze situations and come to more conclusions than people who weren't depressed. But we do not need depression at all in order to do something like this. We can be inspired through our good moods alone to think, analyze, and come to conclusions as well as many other things.
Think of many of the blissful geniuses out there in the world today. So in that same sense, we do not need depression either to "inspire" dark, gothic, tragic, or any other work of art. We can be inspired through our good moods alone to create such works of art and they are much more likely to turn out to be greater since your mental functions are enhanced due to your good moods. Depression and other unpleasant feelings/emotions aren't the only things that have the serious and heavy tone necessary to create works of art that have a dark, heavy, and serious tone.
Our good moods can also have a heavy, dark, and serious tone to them as well. Just because you are in a good mood does not always equate to light-hearted flowers, sunshine, and rainbows. We as human beings are dynamic and have many upon many different types of experiences/perceptions. If we experience a good mood from something light-hearted such as sunshine and rainbows, then we would be in a light-hearted good mood.
But if we experience a good mood from something dark, heavy, serious, gothic, epic, and powerful, then we would be in a good mood that has a dark, heavy, serious, gothic, epic, and powerful tone to it. It would be a tone that would bring good meaning to our lives since it is not an unpleasant tone. It is not an unpleasant feeling/emotion. It is a good feeling/emotion. I myself am inspired through such good moods to create dark, epic, evil, powerful, and transcending compositions for the characters and their worlds. But like I said before, as long as I am depressed, then it takes all that away from me.
There are artists who embrace their depression such as Edgar Allen Poe and create dark works of art. They say things such as that the depression is a form of inspiration and brings good meaning to their lives. It is a form of darkness that inspires and brings good meaning to them. But this form of darkness is nothing but cold and empty lifeless dead empty space. It empties you of all joy, love, happiness, inspiration, and good meaning. There is nothing transcending or inspiring about being down in the grave like a dead skeleton that has all its flesh, blood, organs, and life taken away.
But there is the other form of darkness. This other form of darkness I would metaphorically describe as a hot and vibrant "alive" form of darkness that transcends you and your life into something greater. It would be like black electricity in a plasma ball. It is a highly evolved, superior, and transcending form of darkness. It is the new transcending darkness of the future that science has yet to discover.
Science has yet to reveal to us that our good moods are the only things that can give our lives good meaning, love, joy, happiness, and inspiration. As for this transcending darkness, it would be our good moods when they have a dark tonality to them. Darkness becomes cold, dead, empty, and meaningless when it takes on the form of depression and despair. But it becomes something hot, vibrant, alive, transcending, and full of good meaning when it takes on the form of our good moods.
It would be no different than if there were an evil villan who is smiling and is in a good mood vs this same villan in a down and depressed mood. The evil dark sinister good mood this villan is in would be the transcending darkness. But the depressed mood the villan would be in would be the crippling and life-sapping form of darkness. So if you were to be a villan, which would you choose? Would you choose to be the villan dominating and ruling the world in an evil and awesome sinister good mood? Or would you choose to rule and dominate the world in a crippled depressed mood in which you cannot even enjoy your world domination?
I think it is quite obvious virtually everyone would choose to be the villan in a good mood. So in that same sense, I would obviously want to be pumped up in a good mood when pursuing my composing dream, making compositions, and becoming a great composer. Never would I want to be a depressed person, depressed artist, or a depressed composer. Nor would I ever want to be in a neutral (neither good or bad) mood either which would be an apathetic mood. Our good moods are the light as I said before. When we have them, we see the light. But our good moods that have a dark tonality to them as with that given example with the smiling sinister dark villan, that would be the black light. It is darkness taking on the form of light.
Now it is our mental states that define the terms good, bad, love, joy, happiness, inspiration, suffering, despair, sadness, anguish, rage, etc. and it is not a matter of how we personally define them. Our mental states are what define those terms and not the other way around. How we personally define them does not define our mental states. For example, if you said that you being dead is a peaceful, joyous, or sad experience for you, then this would be false.
The activity of our brains is what defines all our experiences (mental states). It is us being alive and conscious that gives us all our experiences. So if you were dead, then you couldn't experience anything. It would be nonsensical for you to say that you are having a peaceful, joyous, or inspirational experience while you are dead. That is, if you are not a religious believer and don't believe in any supernatural experiences. But either way, it would still be nonsensical to say that.
So you can clearly see here how it is science that defines all terms. The world of morality and philosophy which is the world of personally creating our own meanings in life, this whole world is fake. So in order to have (perceive) good meaning, bad meaning, love, joy, happiness, suffering, despair, rage, etc., then we need to be in the actual mental state of perceiving those said things in our lives. It would have to be a matter of science (our mental experiences from our brains) that determines if we have those things in our lives or not.
As I said before, our moods are the sole determining factor here. If we are in a good mood, then we have good meaning, love, joy, happiness, and inspiration in our lives. If we are in a bad mood, then we have bad meaning, suffering, despair, rage, etc. in our lives. If we are in an apathetic mood, then we have neutral (neither good or bad) meaning in our lives.
Now there is the difference between having a thought of joy, love, happiness, inspiration, anger, despair, sadness, grief, etc. as opposed to having the actual mental experience of those things. For example, if you were angry towards someone since you thought that person harmed someone special to you in your life, then if you were told and were convinced that he/she really didn't harm that person, then you would no longer be angry towards him/her anymore.
No matter how hard you try to be angry towards him/her, you cannot achieve the mental state of actual anger towards him/her. As long as there is no reason for you to be angry, then you cannot achieve the mental state of anger towards him/her. Even if you personally defined your attempted experience of anger as being actual anger, then that would be nothing more than just a thought. It is nothing more than saying labels (words and phrases) to yourself. But that would not give you actual anger since you need to be in the actual mental state of having anger in order for you to be angry.
With me having anhedonia and depression, I notice that my mental states of love, joy, happiness, and inspiration are all turned off. So I cannot have them in my life at all. Nor can I have the mental state of having good meaning in my life either. So if I told myself that I still have good meaning, love, joy, happiness, and inspiration in my life anyway despite my anhedonia and depression, then I would be telling myself nothing more than labels. That would not give me those things. It would not give me the actual mental state of perceiving those things in my life just as how a blind and deaf person cannot have sight and hearing since he/she is not in the mental state of visualizing objects (sight) and perceiving sound (hearing).
I will give another example here as to how science defines all terms. If you were severely mentally impaired and you said that you are a greater person since you have chosen to help others and to make the best of your life anyway, then this is false. Since it is the functioning of our brains that makes us alive, then the more functioning of your brain you have that is responsible for your personality and other functions, then the more of a person you are. The less brain function you have, then the less of a person you are. More and less are terms used in science. You could say that a current has more or less voltage than another current.
Therefore, that being the case, then if a person who was severely mentally impaired said that they were more of a person than they were before when they had their full mental functions, then I could take a look at his/her brain and measure his/her brain function. But there is nothing "more" there at all.
He/she doesn't have any more mental functioning at all than he/she did before. So there is nothing more here. This "more" does not exist anywhere in reality. It is all imaginary and doesn't exist. So you can clearly see here how our personal created meanings in life do not exist anywhere in reality. They have no bearing whatsoever in reality.
One last example here. When we have bad thoughts, that causes a certain part of our prefrontal cortex to be active. It is the function that is responsible for our bad thoughts. Then we have the function of our prefrontal cortex that becomes active when we are thinking good thoughts. But then there are just the other functions that are responsible for just thoughts and nothing more. They are just thoughts and that's it. They are not good or bad thoughts.
So if you were having a bad thought which caused that certain part of your logical thinking area of your brain to become active, then if you told yourself a good thought while having that bad thought, then you would not be having a good thought as long as the function of your prefrontal cortex responsible for your good thoughts is not active.
You would just be telling yourself a thought (words and phrases) of good meaning in your life and nothing more. But you would not be in the actual mental state of perceiving good meaning in your life as long as that function of your thinking brain is not active. But like I said many times before in my previous topics, it is actually only our good and bad moods that dictate the good and bad meaning of us and our lives.
My good vibes (good moods) are what give my life good meaning as I said before. If I can't get any good vibes from anything in this life, then it is all empty and meaningless to me. As long as you are depressed, then you can have nothing but a bleak outlook on life. You cannot have any positive outlook. You cannot perceive any good meaning, love, joy, happiness, or inspiration while depressed. It really gets to me when I am composing and I have moments of depression. I feel enraged during those moments of depression since those are the moments where all good meaning, love, joy, happiness, and inspiration are taken away.
If I am doing something great and epic which would be my composing, then I expect to be in a great and epic mood (a pumped up good mood). If there is a version of love, joy, happiness, inspiration, and good meaning that just comes through us being focused on things like hopeless and dead lifeless machines, then that version is obsolete to me. It is not me and nor could I ever stand living like that for one given moment. Many Buddhists say to live your life in a content state rather than the desire of wanting to be in a pumped up good mood. I am not content being content. Being content is this completely settled down state that I would never stand being in.
Another thing Buddhists say is that it is our way of thinking that makes us suffer. That if someone struggles with severe depression and thinks that they are going through an unacceptable level of suffering, then the Buddhists would say that it is his/her way of thinking that is making that suffering so much worse. That if he/she changes his/her thinking, then the suffering would be significantly reduced even if his/her level of depression still stays the same.
But this is false. Our thoughts alone in of themselves are not any form of suffering, despair, anger, rage, sadness, grief, love, joy, happiness, or inspiration. They are all nothing more than just the "thinking" experience of our brains. They can only experience different thoughts. They can only experience the thoughts (words and phrases) of those terms I just mentioned. But they cannot allow us to experience those said things. It is only our good and bad moods themselves that bring us those said things. So as long as your level of depression has stayed the same, then it doesn't matter how much you have changed your thinking. As long as the depression is still at the same level, then your level of suffering is still the same.
I don't think anyone would be fine and accepting of a life that has no good meaning, love, joy, happiness, and inspiration. If you do, then I think that would be a mental disorder. I don't have that mental disorder and nor would I ever have it. Therefore, I will never be fine and accepting of a life of depression. Deluding ourselves is not a mental disorder since that is completely natural. That is, if you don't have schizophrenia which is a mental disorder that causes delusions. But I am not deluded. I know that my life can't have any good meaning, love, joy, happiness, or inspiration while depressed.
Now I will tell you what it is like to have no good meaning, love, joy, happiness, and inspiration in your life. If you were pursuing a given goal or dream, then it would be like you are in a completely blank hopeless state. You are not actually into what it is you are doing. You are just simply doing nothing more than looking at what it is you are doing and doing it. You are in a completely "dead" mental state. Everything is "dead" (meaningless) to you.
Even if you said to yourself that you are going to do this anyway since it is good for the world, makes the world a better place, and is something for you to focus on, then that would be nothing more than just words and phrases you are telling yourself. That does not change the mental state you are in. You are still in the mental state in which everything is "dead" (meaningless) to you.
Therefore, as long as you are depressed, then you cannot have any good meaning, love, joy, happiness, and inspiration in your life since being depressed is the very definition of this "dead" mental state that makes everything in life including your own family "dead" to you.
So a depressed artist who has the goal and dream of being a composer who creates magnificent compositions, then even his/her own works of art cannot mean anything to him/her either. Even if he/she used them to instead help and inspire others and to instead focus on others rather than his/herself, then even the idea of him/her helping and inspiring others cannot mean anything to him/her either regardless of what this artist thought and told his/herself otherwise.
Being in an apathetic mood (complete severe anhedonia) also takes away all good meaning, love, joy, happiness, and inspiration in your life. But this is nowhere near as bad as depression which severely cripples you and renders you into a completely "dead" and hopeless mental state. But, of course, having our good moods is what really gets us focused and into our goals and dreams. It says:
"I am now ready to do this! I am ready to create some great works of art, share them with my family and friends, and to share them with the rest of the world to help and inspire others!"
We are no longer in that blank, dead, and hopeless mental state anymore. We are now joyful, happy, inspired, and have good meaning and good value/worth in our lives. I will say it here again one last time. Our moods alone in of themselves are what give good or bad meaning to our lives. If we are in a good mood, then our lives have good meaning. If we are in a bad mood, then our lives have bad meaning. Our thoughts alone independent of our moods do not give any good or bad meaning to our lives. They only give us nothing more than the labels (words and phrases) of good and bad meaning to our lives.
One last thing here. Many people would ask me something such as:
"Why do you need to live and compose in a pumped up good mood? I am just fine living with my depression and being in this "settled robotic" mental state. This makes no sense to me. I just don't understand this."
My answer to this would be that it is who I am as a person. I could also ask something such as:
"How are you fine living your life depressed and settled down like a robot? This makes no sense to me. I do not understand this."
I could also ask something such as:
"Why is it that this person pursues this career rather than this one? This makes no sense to me. I do not understand this."
It all comes down to the individual and who they are as a person. If I took the very things you as a person lived for away from you, then that would be the worst experience for you. It would bring you the worst depression.
For example, there are those types of people who value suffering and wish to have it in their lives. They value suffering and death. They could never live an eternal blissful life of no more suffering. Just the very idea of an eternal blissful life is absolute torture for these people. So that is who they are as people and is something I will never understand. It will never make any sense to me.
But you then have people such as me who only find the greatest good meaning, love, joy, happiness, and inspiration in life through living such an eternal blissful life. Therefore, this is something that will never make any sense to those people either and is something they will never understand either.
So that being the case, you should not expect me to give up my life of good moods and be fine/content living that way just as I should not expect you to live an eternal blissful life of no suffering and to expect you to be fine/content living that way. You are different than me and you have your own way of life that suits you and your personality. I have my own way of life that suits me and my personality. Just as how a person who values suffering would become suicidal and commit suicide living an eternal blissful life, I too would become suicidal if I had to live my life depressed and without my good moods.
Now it is a well known fact that we as human beings are hardwired for survival. If we go through much pain and suffering, then it is our hardwired will to survive that allows us to continue to strive and push forward in life. It is this hardwiring of our brains that makes us think that we still have good meaning, love, joy, happiness, and inspiration in our lives despite our agonizing depression. But I am not hardwired that way.
I am only hardwired to live an eternal blissful life of no suffering. It is not in my genes or the wiring of my brain at all to think that I have good meaning, love, joy, happiness, and inspiration in my life while I am depressed and don't have my good moods. So that is the reason why I would have absolutely no will to live and pursue my composing dream if I were to live a life of depression and no good moods.
Many people would say to me that there is much more to life than just our good moods. But like I said before, that is not me at all. That is not how I see life at all since I am a different person with a brain that is hardwired different than yours. You see that there is more to life and that a depressed person can have good meaning, love, joy, happiness, and inspiration in his/her life while depressed. But for me, I don't see anything more to life than our good moods. Just as how my worldviews would make no sense to you, your worldviews make no sense to me either. We will never truly understand one another. You will never understand my worldviews and neither will I understand your worldviews.
My good moods are more important to me than the air I need to breathe. They are profound and absolutely life dependent for me. Just as how depression is absolutely soul crushing and soul destroying, my good moods are the exact opposite for me. They are absolutely soul transcending and fill me with complete life, joy, inspiration, and happiness. Me having depression is also like the experience of those many people. It is also utterly soul crushing and destroying. I can never live my life like that. We need to find the way to an eternal blissful life and resurrection so that I and others like me can live the greatest life there is of no more suffering/depression.
A very long post but I can at least partly find myself in it. Though there are a few things I’d like to mention:
1. You are right that feeling depressed makes everything bleak and meaningless. There is no way to rationally convince yourself you should be getting any joy out of anything. Often our emotions and mind states are not rational, so even harder to convince ourselves. The other thing is even if it would make sense to have joy from something, our minds are not rational and we can’t convince ourselves to be rational.
2. You believe there is no God or anything after life but that is just your belief. Actually, strange as it may sound, but there are a few questions I’d like yourself to ask: 1) do you happen to be a person who likes to have answers for everything and unless you have it you can’t find meaning in anything, and 2) do you believe that you would find a purpose in this life if you knew there is something beyond it and that how we live today determines how we life in the afterlife? And 3) do you believe with your rational mind there is a purpose (even if while being depressed you can’t “feel” any joy and motivation) in being good and moral and leading a good life? Actually, many claim we are wired to believe in an afterlife unconsciously. Why would many people be scared of death, if there were nothing to follow? As some say, "One is not afraid of death but that which follows".
Ironically, I do believe in a god/something beyond us and an afterlife (it scares me more than comforts me!) but it only makes my mindset worse. The fact that I can’t have answer to many questions and I’m meant to believe in god an live a moral life expecting a promised heaven if I’m good and lucky enough just doesn’t give me a drive to live. After all, Christians as well believe that newborns go straight to heaven… how am I in a better position than them? Anyway, this may sound too depressing, but it may be that your depression is at least partly due to your beliefs, that there is no point in life, no afterlife so why give a damn?
3. You wish we could create a blissful life through science. Yes, I believe it is possible to be drugged for the rest of your life. It may make one subjectively feel good, but it is a vain life. Many a time science has helped us, but I personally believe science is not sufficient. It is through developing ourselves, being grateful, open, loving, caring – basically struggling every day to put our ego to death while making our Higher Self live – is what makes one happy and. At least that’s what I hear looking at lives of people who have found happiness. They live for others, not themselves; they live at their maximum and utilize their skills, time and talents to make the world a better place. And besides all that they still manage to have time for their families, trips, partying and other things.
Oh, and science may help to get you a kick out of your depression. Maybe some antidepressants to start or something, maybe internet or other inventions may help you to find something or someone to help you out of your lifeless situation. But I believe it in the end is our purpose and values and what we give to it is what determines our lives. And yes, sadly, biological factors still play a value. If you are a neurotic obsessive sad person, then making more charity work may not make you more happy and cheerful than your neighbor who sits all day at the pub telling jokes. But at least, statistically, it should make you more happy than if you give up. I know myself that sometimes you may do whatever you are able to for others and then at the end of the day depression just hits as hard, if not harder maybe it takes time? I know the brain takes a long time (months or longer) to correct up. The older we are the more it takes, so if you’d lived a depressed life for decades don’t expect to live in ecstasy after you donate $5 to some disabled people.
yes, music has helped me on some days. Again, it’s a long story, but you have to be in a specific mindset. I call this “suggestibility”, and it not only works for music. There were times where my favorite depressive and dark but nostalgic and emotional song has at least partly made me better. And there have been times where I have deliberately taken some herbal teas and caffeine and played myself chosen songs till I got shivers but again, there are days where it doesn’t work at all, and there are days where it happens without me trying. It’s all in the brain again :/
5. Great you compose music. Keep in mind many great composers and writers were either strongly mentally disabled, or also suffered of great depressions. Actually, I’d like to make a distinction between apathy and negative affect (mood). If you are apathetic then you don’t want to compose anything. But if you find yourself depressed but also in a rage and full of energy, then you may end up composing depressing music.
6. Drugs may make you more happy and at life, but the withdrawal which comes is so devastating that it gets you worse than baseline (prior to taking drugs). After some time you either stay hooked up and feel roughly as you had been before or you feel even worse
7. You said “Artists and composers tap into themselves by channeling energy in coming up with great works of art and compositions. They channel this energy mentally and this is what gives them the vision” – but if you don’t believe in anything beyond us, where does this energu come from? You see, you say you don’t believe in god or anything beyond but you happen to have claims which suggest otherwise
some extreme people even claim all our thoughts have some origins outside of us; that it is our brains which take these “vibrations” and incorporate them into existence. Either way, true or false, our mind state determines how we feel and act
8. That thing with dark/epic/gothic is also 1 thing I wonder about. If you are not a person who likes cheerful cliché music but instead prefers heavy metal, dark tones and depressive melancholic nostalgic music, what’s “wrong”?
as far as I can remember, since I’d been a kid I always preferred music in minor as opposed to major; I even removed the half-tones to turn a cheerful music into melancholic ones I believe melancholic people or personalities just have this about them. Yes, it is one thing to be lifeless and another to get “life” from something dark.
9. That “neutral” mood is something I’ve experiences a few times. I call that “the absolute apathy” and have experienced its extreme (oxymoron since how can something neutral have an extreme? But we get the point) such that I did not only not desire to do good things, but I was also unwilling to be an evil bastard. There are times you want to be good; there are times you feel more inclined towards selfishness, vanity, self-indulgence, impure thoughts, cursing, slander, judging others etc. But this was a mindstate where I wasn’t even willing to do any of the bad stuff! It is neither that nirvana where you have no will and are at rest. No, this is a zombie lifeless form where you have no will to do or not do anything. You just go by, walk to and fro but the moment you start action 1 you stop and realize there isn’t a point in any of this. However like all mind-states, it had disappeared and sooner or later I was caught in a variety of desires some of which frustrated me
10. You say lack of brain activity means death. Actually, when we are unconscious our brains are still working, and likewise, total cessation of brain activity = physical death. But what if our conscience survives bodily death?
11. Ever thought being mentally impaired can make one better at some things? Many writers, poets and composers were mentally disturbed in some way. I believe without ANY form of mental disorders whatsoever, we’d simply lose a vast portion of art, music and literary works. Being anhedonic is 1 thing, but being crazy is another. There is a quote in “One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest” which I don’t remember exactly something but went like there’s something special about being crazy that a healthy person misses out, or something of that sort. I have known many mental states myself, and if I’d been normal all my life, there are quotes I would never ever had even thought of
Likewise, perhaps having an accident can make one to appreciate life more.
12. The thing with Buddhists and the like: yes I get ur point. But you see, if you for example happened to condition your mind that when another person hates or scorns you you are able to disengage yourself from it, then that’s what they mean. It is to be free from the [negative] influences of that which is around us. If we change the way we think (losing this and that will have a negative impact on our lives! I will never be happy again! Etc etc) then we would be able to bring in that joy. Of course one also needs to act in accordance. Convincing yourself you are happy while you are selfish and hate the world is not what they meant. Very often these groups of people are mocked at and their theories ridiculed, but people don’t realize there is another side to it, and that is that you must be living at peace with yourself and the rest of humanity. You can’t be a true Buddhist if you are convincing the world you are happy while at the same time you’re filled with hatred, anger, rage, pride, arrogance and the like
13. I know what you mean about the good moods. However, I am also convinced that once you’d find purpose in something like sacrifice and living for others, you’d also learn suffering and pain is a part of it. I believe what makes our lives meaningful on this planet is to help carry others’ burdens and living up to high moral and spiritual standards, and that is what takes courage. I know, I myself say things which I don’t often live by, exactly because hard it is. We’d all love to have a life of continuous joy without any pain. But that would not be this life in this world, and some say the purpose of our life is to learn and develop ourselves as characters. And without suffering and challenges this is not possible
Overall I hope I was able to help and share some of my thoughts