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Facebook "cheating dilemma"

 
 
Steviep
 
Reply Tue 8 Sep, 2015 05:22 am
I found my wife had sent over 120 texts to an old school friend (male) after they met at a school reunion which she had organised. He lives abroad and was here for about a week before the reunion during which time she spent a lot of time on Facebook. The last texts before he went home was one from him saying "boarding now x" and her reply saying "no, want you back" the reason I had effectively spyed on her text was due to the fact that she sent me an off the cuff text one day saying "I don't think Steve has been faithful " which is my name. When challenged about this she tried to fob me off by saying she meant a mutual friend. However upon looking at my mobile account which is a joint one, there was a flurry of texts between her and her old friend either side of the one she'd sent me. She now only goes on Facebook during times when it's normal hours in the country he lives in. Am I being paranoid or do you think something has happened between them. Any advice greatly appreciated '
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Type: Discussion • Score: 5 • Views: 1,757 • Replies: 8
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Steviep
 
  1  
Reply Tue 8 Sep, 2015 05:57 am
@Steviep,
Just some views would help
CoastalRat
 
  1  
Reply Tue 8 Sep, 2015 06:19 am
@Steviep,
If all you have are these FB messages, then no, I don't think you can jump to the conclusion that something happened between them. They were old friends who met up and started talking again when he happened to be in town, that is all. IF she had any thoughts of hooking up with him, the distance between them will cool that.

Instead of asking us whether we think something may have happened, you should be asking yourself why you are thinking this way. What do you and your wife need to do to improve your marriage so that you don't see communication between her and an old friend as a threat?
Steviep
 
  1  
Reply Tue 8 Sep, 2015 06:24 am
@CoastalRat,
Just bewildering why she would send over 130 texts in 4 days after meeting but only a handful before? Also why she would send him a text saying I've been unfaithful which incidentally I haven't
Steviep
 
  1  
Reply Tue 8 Sep, 2015 06:30 am
@Steviep,
I also find that her last text to him after he said he was boarding to go home said "no, want you back "!!!
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HesDeltanCaptain
 
  1  
Reply Tue 8 Sep, 2015 06:59 am
@Steviep,
Though you do sound paranoid, that doesn't mean you're wrong. If your relationship is ok, sex is good, interactions are good, quit checking up on her. If the relationship's not to your liking then there could be more going on.

In times past, before the social networking thing it was much harder to cheat. Now it's so easy, everyone's on the potential list. Whether physically or not there is emotional cheating and neglecting relationships to chat and flirt with others is absolutely cheating. If a relationship didn't begin 'open' or poly, but starts heading that way, might be time to double-check with partners everything's still desireable. If not, end it, shake hands, and go your merry ways.

No point staying in a bad relationship giving you stress.
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CoastalRat
 
  1  
Reply Tue 8 Sep, 2015 07:03 am
@Steviep,
Quote:
I also find that her last text to him after he said he was boarding to go home said "no, want you back "!!!
What, you've never said goodbye to a good friend and express the desire that they could stay? Again, this could be a totally innocent expression. (I'm not saying it couldn't be something else entirely, but you have no real evidence that it is something else.)

Quote:
Just bewildering why she would send over 130 texts in 4 days after meeting but only a handful before?
Out of sight, out of mind. When he showed up for the reunion, they started chatting again. So lots of texts. This is human nature. If my wife had an ex boyfriend show up to visit in our city for a week and they met up, I would expect they might well text often while he was in town. It would not bother me in the least. But then, I trust my wife explicitly. Just as she trusts me. Seems to me the two of you have trust issues if you get all bent out of shape over some texts which you don't even know the content of.

Code:why she would send him a text saying I've been unfaithful which incidentally I haven't
Only she can answer this one. But we humans say stupid things sometimes when we want someone to show sympathy/compassion for us. Maybe she thought he would be more attentive toward her if he felt sorry for her. Maybe she was looking to see if he was willing to have a brief fling with her. Maybe you two need to sit down and have a serious discussion to find out why she would say that.

Maybe she feels something is missing in your relationship and she is starting to look for that outside the marriage. (I'm not saying she is right to do so, just that maybe she is.) You certainly have a trust issue with her. The sooner the two of you sit down and talk about it freely and without being accusatory, the better for the long term relationship.



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Steviep
 
  1  
Reply Thu 10 Sep, 2015 03:39 am
@Steviep,
Following on from this she has hidden him on her friends list on Facebook and why would this be? All of our mutual Facebook friends who know this guy have him showing on their list but not my wife!? Yes could be paranoia I guess but it's not looking that way!\
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Lash
 
  1  
Reply Thu 10 Sep, 2015 03:45 am
Dude, based on what you're saying, it appears that if she hasn't cheated physically, she is definitely cheating emotionally.

You should tell her what you think and why, and tell her you're unwilling to be in a relationship such as the one you currently have. You can agree to go to counseling and figure out why this happened and if you have enough of a relationship to save - or get a divorce.

Don't let her make a chump out of you.

If she won't come clean, tell her you'll talk to this dude's wife. And her little flurry of emails or texts needs to stop yesterday.
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