Sorry if I gave the wrong impression, I have nothing against masturbation. I believe it is part of a healthy sex life. I do it now all the time, and have so in the past, and I enjoy it very much. I think everyone should do it, without shame or judgment. It's healthy, both physically and emotionally. But it's only part of a healthy sex life. Eventually, one needs sexual companionship.
Many North Americans (especially the religious ones-I am an atheist) judge it as perverted or deviant, along with so many other sexual choices and practices, nudism, and erotica. I am Canadian and raised in Montreal where, for the most part, sexuality is regarded with a little more tolerance and open-mindedness than some other places, such as the Bible Belt for example. I have always been liberal-minded towards sexuality, both in the company I keep and the societal viewpoints to which I subscribe.
I'd be content, somewhat, if my girlfriend would consider mutual masturbation, or mutual manual stimulation. At least that would be something we could share. Maybe it would even eventually lead to further intimate experiences. For now, private masturbation remains my only option.
I guess what I am seeking is not so much a solution to my asexual relationship (though one would be welcome, for certain) as I am a way to emotionally cope with the fact that my once active sex life has been reduced to nothing but solitary satisfaction with no end in sight.
My own wish? I would wish she would find it within herself to become open once again to a healthy, affectionate sex life. Failing that, I fear my wish might turn in the future to a more selfish one. I don't want to give up love, which is hard enough to find, but I ask myself, if she isn't considering my needs as important, does she still love me? Or is it that her disability makes her so dependent on me now that she's afraid of being alone? I couldn't do that to her, therefore, I find myself stuck between a rock and a hard place, if you'll forgive the bad pun.
Perhaps there is no solution and no way to cope, other than what I've been doing all along. Self-satisfaction and patience. Hopefully time will sort things out, one way or another.
I believe this thread may have run its course.
Thanks for all your kindness.