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The Difference Between Work And Prison

 
 
Reply Fri 16 Jul, 2004 09:11 am
Edit [Moderator]: Moved from General to Humor.

IN PRISON...you spend the majority of your time in an 8X10 cell.
AT WORK ... you spend the majority of your time in a 6X8 cubicle. IN PRISON...you get three meals a day.
AT WORK...you only get a break for one meal and you pay for it.

IN PRISON...you get time off for good behaviour
AT WORK...you get more work for good behaviour

IN PRISON...the guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.
AT WORK...you must carry around a security card and open all the doors for yourself.

IN PRISON...you can watch TV and play games.
AT WORK...you get fired for watching TV and playing games.

IN PRISON...you get your own toilet.
AT WORK...you have to share with some idiot who pees on the seat.

IN PRISON...they allow your family and friends to visit.
AT WORK...you can't even speak to your family.

IN PRISON...the taxpayers pay all expenses with no work required.
AT WORK...you get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners.

IN PRISON...you spend most of your life inside bars wanting to get out.
AT WORK...you spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars.

IN PRISON...you must deal with sadistic wardens.
AT WORK...they are called managers.
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Type: Discussion • Score: 1 • Views: 1,363 • Replies: 19
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Heeven
 
  1  
Reply Fri 16 Jul, 2004 09:48 am
IN PRISON ... you have all the time in the world to study for that free college education

AT WORK ... you have to give up the rights to your first-born and sign a contract to work there for an additional five years before they will agree to pay for your college degree and then you are so overloaded with work that you only have time to study between the hours of 2 and 4am and while peeing on that toilet that you share with 50 other coworkers.
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the reincarnation of suzy
 
  1  
Reply Fri 16 Jul, 2004 11:37 am
Wow, do I love my job! Smile
Big carpeted office, I can go have a smoke whenever I please, usually with my boss and secretary, and I can come and go at will, so long as I write 40 hours on my timesheet. I can make phone calls and play on-line scrabble with my boss, I can drive and get paid for it, I meet all sorts of interesting people, I get a box of nifty cards with my name on 'em, and I can leave any time I want to go work out! We have paid beach days and go out to lunch all the time as a group, and I can walk home to use my own bathroom!
We work our tails off and deal with annoying people often, so we are well-rewarded for our efforts. I think I prefer it to prison! Smile
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Bella Dea
 
  1  
Reply Fri 16 Jul, 2004 11:43 am
Where do you work? Confused
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joefromchicago
 
  1  
Reply Fri 16 Jul, 2004 11:50 am
IN PRISON...you can express your unhappiness by flinging poo at the guards.
AT WORK...they asked me not to do that any more.
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McGentrix
 
  1  
Reply Fri 16 Jul, 2004 12:05 pm
Kristie wrote:
Where do you work? Confused


The un-employment office. :wink:
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cavfancier
 
  1  
Reply Fri 16 Jul, 2004 12:06 pm
I imagine the worst scenario would be working in a prison. You get the worst of both worlds.
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Heeven
 
  1  
Reply Fri 16 Jul, 2004 12:42 pm
Quote:
IN PRISON...you can express your unhappiness by flinging poo at the guards.
AT WORK...they asked me not to do that any more.


Priceless, and yes the one actually made me laugh out loud, after which I heard a voice pipe up "there's no time for jocularity here!"

Is it time to go home yet?
0 Replies
 
Heeven
 
  1  
Reply Fri 16 Jul, 2004 12:43 pm
Apparently I never mastered the skill of properly inserting who the quote comes from ... sigh!
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cavfancier
 
  1  
Reply Fri 16 Jul, 2004 12:55 pm
Don't knock Hoo Flung Poo, great Szechuan, very spicy. Just kidding, but here in T.O. we do have a New Ho King restaurant.
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blueveinedthrobber
 
  1  
Reply Fri 16 Jul, 2004 12:56 pm
Hoo Flung Poo..... didn't he write "Spots On The Great Wall Of China" ?
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cavfancier
 
  1  
Reply Fri 16 Jul, 2004 12:59 pm
That's possible, BPB. Every time I pass by New Ho King, I'm reminded of a classic sitcom theme song: "There's a new ho king in town and he's pimpin' good!" Maybe I have the lyrics wrong...
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Gargamel
 
  1  
Reply Fri 16 Jul, 2004 01:11 pm
The prose of Mr. Poo, while legendary, will never quite match the work of I.P. Daily, author of the epic, "The Yellow River."
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Bella Dea
 
  1  
Reply Fri 16 Jul, 2004 01:18 pm
Heeven wrote:
Quote:


Is it time to go home yet?


No, I don't think it is....will this day EVER end?!?!?! Crying or Very sad
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blueveinedthrobber
 
  1  
Reply Fri 16 Jul, 2004 01:20 pm
Gargamel wrote:
The prose of Mr. Poo, while legendary, will never quite match the work of I.P. Daily, author of the epic, "The Yellow River."


not to mention the beautiful accompanying illustrations of his partner I.P. Freely.....
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blueveinedthrobber
 
  1  
Reply Fri 16 Jul, 2004 01:22 pm
I must say though that in this series of great American literature my personal favorite is "Under The Football Grandstands" by Seymour Buttz.....
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Gargamel
 
  1  
Reply Fri 16 Jul, 2004 01:32 pm
A classic indeed.
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joefromchicago
 
  1  
Reply Fri 16 Jul, 2004 03:45 pm
Hoo Flung Poo (sometimes Hoo Frung Poo) (c. 500 b.c. - c.420 b.c.): Obscure Chinese philosopher. Details of his life are sketchy. He was the son of Hoo Yo Daddy, a minor provincial official known only for his vain attempts to invent a perpetual stasis machine. Hoo's early years were spent in preparation for a career in the imperial bureaucracy, where he learned basic skills such as calligraphy, declamation, buggery, and opium addiction. Upon his ceremonial expulsion, Hoo fled to Canada to avoid being drafted in the imperial army; upon learning that Canada had not yet been discovered, he fled back home, where he also learned that there was no draft and no imperial army.

Hoo embarked upon a philosophic career in his early 20s, after having failed as the owner of a Thai restaurant in the Mongolian quarter of the Korean section of Peking (one reviewer noted: "it was just too hard to find"). He was known for a time to be a follower of Confucius. Not a student, just a follower (Confucius would eventually be forced to obtain a restraining order against Hoo, thus initiating the latter's famous "Period of Remaining At Least 500 Yards From Confucius").

Today, Hoo is best known for his book "Foo Eng Heit 453," which was later turned into the movie "Spaceballs." This book of obscure sayings, profound mystical insights, and tax advice raised Hoo's profile in the eyes of his contemporaries from his previous obscurity to a level of profound indifference, where he has remained to this day. The only quotation that has enjoyed any kind of popularity is found in Book XIX.V, where Hoo advises an acolyte: "Be in all things like a bird who soars in the heavens but who leaves a shadow on the earth, not like my landlord who raises my rent and who doesn't fix the leak in my sink."

A eunuch from the age of 12, when he was involved in a tragic lawn dart incident, Hoo never married, yet he enjoyed the love and esteem of his neighbors, who regularly showered him with gifts, money, and subpoenas. An early enthusiast of human flight, Hoo died in a hang-gliding accident, when he jumped into the Three Rivers Gorge without first waiting for invention of the hang glider. Surrounded by his friends and family, Hoo's last words were reportedly: "gravity can be a cruel mistress."

(Edited to add some additional details to this fascinating saga)
0 Replies
 
blueveinedthrobber
 
  1  
Reply Fri 16 Jul, 2004 04:05 pm
thank you joe for this most nformative post. may the schwartz be with you. (hey cav, twice in one week)
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Jim
 
  1  
Reply Sat 17 Jul, 2004 01:07 am
I've never been in prison, but I can't imagine working offshore in the Gulf could be that different.

672 days until parole.
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