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Thu 15 Jul, 2004 02:07 pm
Fairly simple scenario. One of my friends just reached her six month anniversary with her boyfriend. They both have seemed deliriously happy and quite committed. She loves him madly and until recently he's been great for her.
A month ago he approached her about having a threesome with a girl from work. She called me, distressed. She'd had them before, but never with him. She felt that it would intrude on their emotional bond, so I told her that if she wasn't comfortable with it to tell him that. If he respected her, he'd drop it. She followed my advice and things were fine.
A bit over a week ago, she found out that he'd had a threesome with that girl, and instead of her, there had been some random guy. She flipped, quite naturally. After a few days, things calmed down and she made him swear that he'd break all contact with this other girl. He actually broke down and cried and promised that he would, that he loves her so much and that he doesn't know how he could be so stupid.
Alas, one of my spies (they're everywhere... *insert evil laughter here*) has seen them together in his car leaving work since this happened. Things had been amazing for six months for the two of them and had been right up until he asked about that threesome. I don't want to ruin their chance of mending matters, but I hate the idea of him sneaking behind her back even if everything has been completely innocent since their fight.
Unless you have a lot more than the two of them being seen together in a car I'd keep my mouth shut.
Spotting him giving this other woman a lift home may have been a once-off. Naturally it would piss your girlfriend off no-end if she heard about it. It's got to be difficult working with someone when you're supposed to be having nothing to do with them ever again. However after what he did, he shouldn't be willingly offering a lift to his threesome-mate.
It also says something about him, when he had already broken his promise to your friend and after all those tears too !!!!! Hmm, I imagine things will get steadily worse.
That being said, if you only saw this once, say nothing. Let them sort out their own mess. Your girlfriend was a little too forgiving - I would have kicked his ass to the curb right away. Doesn't sound like he's REAL committed in this relationship no matter what his promises and tears!
Say nothing. Your friend is already getting information about his behavior without you having to provide it to her. The bottom line is, no matter how much of a rat he's been or is being, she needs to find that out for herself and convince herself, and will resent it if you try to help that process along. If asked, don't lie, but don't volunteer anything. It will look like gossip, sour grapes or worse.
If something's going on, she'll figure it out herself eventually. It's not worth losing her as a friend, because if you butt into her love life there's a good chance you will.
Keep out of it.
Just in case you don't agree with them... butt out, they're right.
Yup, I'm with the others.
She is too forgiving.
But then again, she sounds a bit wild herself. They both sound too "mentally young" to be in serious relationships.
And like the others said, I wouldn't get involved.
Well, that settles that then. Thanks.
Since you did not actually see her boyfriend with someone else, then you should not say anything. Passing on second hand information will probably not result in any good. If you ever do see something yourself, decide what you would want your friend to do if your situations were exchanged, then do that.
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