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Help with this sentence please

 
 
Reply Sun 16 Aug, 2015 02:54 am
Here is a slightly awkward sentence - it feels wrong but I'm not sure why. I am particularly unsure about the comma before 'the more so' Could anyone tell me if it is correct or not or how it could be improved:

"Carter’s point would, I suspect, be endorsed by most locals, the more so if it were made explicit that the demon in question is the grey wolf.
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Type: Question • Score: 1 • Views: 541 • Replies: 5
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FBM
 
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Reply Sun 16 Aug, 2015 04:08 am
@Millmoss,
I don't see a problem with it. Spoken forms often look awkward when written. The comma represents a pause, and it seems right to me.
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dalehileman
 
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Reply Sun 16 Aug, 2015 09:43 am
@Millmoss,
Carter’s point would, I suspect, be endorsed by most locals; the moreso if it were made explicit that the demon in question is the Grey Wolf
FBM
 
  1  
Reply Sun 16 Aug, 2015 05:50 pm
@dalehileman,
I don't think the second clause is an independent clause. Semicolons link two indpendent clauses.
dalehileman
 
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Reply Mon 17 Aug, 2015 09:18 am
@FBM,
Yea FBM I realize that classically they're sposta but today the old rules seem relaxed
FBM
 
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Reply Mon 17 Aug, 2015 09:49 am
@dalehileman,
Yeah, in informal and creative writing, pretty much anything goes; formal academic writing is still pretty strict about this convention, though, as far as I can tell.
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