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Thu 15 Jul, 2004 10:14 am
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Soon to be ex husband that is. We have been seperated since last year, a year tomorrow exactly that is. I saw him once in november for dinner, at the end we just hugged and said, i'll always love you. We talk on the phone about once a week, sometimes once every two weeks. People have told me to not talk to him, i havent listened for some reason. I have told him that maybe it's not a good idea for us to talk. He said that he doesnt see why we have to lose contact. I tried dating someone else-it didnt work out. I would keep thinking of my ex, things we did together, where we used to live and i'd get so emotional...i even cried to the guy i was dating about it.
I see my ex yesterday, i meet him at dinner. When i saw him he had a beard...i was suprised but i was so overwhelmed. I started laughing and crying at the same time, it was just so emotional. It was so nice to see him. Dinner was nice, just like old times...after dinner we ended up hugging and kissing at one point. He was like, i dont think we should be doing this, but did it anyways. we ended up going back to my place so he could see my new apt. we ended up having sex...it was kind of weird. I had told him that he was often unemotional at one point. Well he wasnt last night. He kept telling me how beatiful i am and how much he misses this. Before we had sex we cuddled adn he was like, i miss moments like this.
Afterwards i ended up driving him home. i didnt really feel that upset. he said his friend had warned him not to sleep with me. the same friend told him that he feels he is hanging on to me and that he's not letting me go. I guess i'm doing the same thing. My ex told me we will never get back together and hopes that i'm not going to be upset about what happened. He said he feels like maybe he is more emotionally attached again after what we did. He is in the military and told me that i would absolutely hate his schedule-he's gone all the time and is being deployed in oct for 6 months..he said he thinks he'll really miss me when he goes away.
When we were together i wasnt a very good military wife and he said he doesnt blame me. I told him last night that i feel like he was meant for me and he said the same, but that we cant be together....ugh. last night he sent me a text message at like 1am that said, i really do miss you. What should i do about this? I know seeing each other was not a good idea and i'm sure i'll get flamed for that.
Sleeping with an ex or almost ex is not a rare occurrence. Just be aware of why you are no longer together, before you get caught up in the magic of "passion"!
Compatibility for for one night is just that--short term lust.
Relationships take work.
You said earlier your marriage lasted a year, (which implied that you were divorced, but it turns out you were just separated).
The last guy you dated you said you started seeing in October. That means if there weren't any guys between the separation and this last guy you gave it three months between the separation and dating again. A "rebound romance".
You've JUST split up with this last guy and now you seem to be wanting to get back with your ex? A "rebound-rebound romance"?
Have you thought about just giving yourself a BREAK? It's like you're running 1,000 miles an hour...in circles...and getting nowhere fast. Giving yourself some time to let the dust settle might let you see where you really want to be.
You seem like a very passionate person who sometimes lets their passion run the show leaving reason behind.
And a very helpful person suggested I read "The FIve Languages of Love". I'd suggest you do the same. It clearly illustrates the differences between "falling in love" and really loving someone. The "falling in love" stage which is more temporary insanity than reality, only lasts around two years, that's provided you're with the person all the time. If you only see your mate every once in a while, (as would seem typical in a military marriage), that "in love" period can drag out. But sooner or later, you have to face reality and learn what REAL love is all about.
I'm just giving a brief overview of the idea. But it'll only cost you $10 plus shipping to read it from the source.
re
yeah i know it is crazy. I called a counseller today so i'm tryint to make an appt. I still love my ex...there's no doubt about that. I feel that he still loves me, but i know he doesnt want to get back together. It would be so complicated. I mean the papers are filed, my lawyer contacted me yesterday saying she was going to serve him. THe whole thing has been a mess because we got married in CA, then i ended up in MA and he's in VA. There was something to do with domicile which stated i had to be in MA for a year until i could file-if only getting married wasnt so easy. I dont know what to do...i guess i tried to be with someone else to get over husband, clearly it didnt work. One time i was having sex with most recent ex, i called him husbands name-very awkward, another time we were arguing, i called him husbands name. I dont know what to do...i know i should be alone, i am so afriad i will never get over my soon to be ex husband. He does not want to be with me anymore even though he misses me.
Hi there.
Response below.
Re: you'll really think i'm nuts now
mchalel wrote:Soon to be ex husband that is....People have told me to not talk to him, i havent listened for some reason.
Hi mchalel:
You're being funny, right?
Quote:When we were together i wasnt a very good military wife and he said he doesnt blame me. I told him last night that i feel like he was meant for me and he said the same, but that we cant be together....ugh. last night he sent me a text message at like 1am that said, i really do miss you. What should i do about this?
I think it is pretty easy to figure out why you weren't a good military wife. He was required to concentrate on his military duties. That didn't leave a lot of time for him to concentrate on YOU. You are a
little self-centered, aren't you?
What should you do? You should leave your soon to be ex-husband alone; you should leave your most recent ex-boyfriend alone; and you should go to counseling and work on you.
Good luck.
deb i'm back girl ,
any way life and people and crazy stuff it is the thing of the future if you can figure it out there is tons of money to be made and good people to help in the process so go for the gold and fix the minds with the spin
Re: you'll really think i'm nuts now
mchalel wrote: Soon to be ex husband that is. We have been seperated since last year, a year tomorrow exactly that is. I saw him once in november for dinner, at the end we just hugged and said, i'll always love you. We talk on the phone about once a week, sometimes once every two weeks. People have told me to not talk to him, i havent listened for some reason. I have told him that maybe it's not a good idea for us to talk. He said that he doesnt see why we have to lose contact. I tried dating someone else-it didnt work out. I would keep thinking of my ex, things we did together, where we used to live and i'd get so emotional...i even cried to the guy i was dating about it.
I see my ex yesterday, i meet him at dinner. When i saw him he had a beard...i was suprised but i was so overwhelmed. I started laughing and crying at the same time, it was just so emotional. It was so nice to see him. Dinner was nice, just like old times...after dinner we ended up hugging and kissing at one point. He was like, i dont think we should be doing this, but did it anyways. we ended up going back to my place so he could see my new apt. we ended up having sex...it was kind of weird. I had told him that he was often unemotional at one point. Well he wasnt last night. He kept telling me how beatiful i am and how much he misses this. Before we had sex we cuddled adn he was like, i miss moments like this.
Afterwards i ended up driving him home. i didnt really feel that upset. he said his friend had warned him not to sleep with me. the same friend told him that he feels he is hanging on to me and that he's not letting me go. I guess i'm doing the same thing. My ex told me we will never get back together and hopes that i'm not going to be upset about what happened. He said he feels like maybe he is more emotionally attached again after what we did. He is in the military and told me that i would absolutely hate his schedule-he's gone all the time and is being deployed in oct for 6 months..he said he thinks he'll really miss me when he goes away.
When we were together i wasnt a very good military wife and he said he doesnt blame me. I told him last night that i feel like he was meant for me and he said the same, but that we cant be together....ugh. last night he sent me a text message at like 1am that said, i really do miss you. What should i do about this? I know seeing each other was not a good idea and i'm sure i'll get flamed for that.
Mchalel: We lost your last post during the server change. How are things going now?
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