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Mon 3 Aug, 2015 09:45 am
Hello, everyone.
Recently, I have been trying to improve my independent clauses. I'm not exactly sure how to describe the problem I've been having, but one of the main things I've been concentrating on is the distance between words that modify other words.
For example, I used to write things like this:
"Dave agreed to accompany an incredibly wealthy and successful businessman named Joseph on a hunting trip."
Now, I think it much clearer like this:
"Dave agreed to accompany Joseph, an incredibly wealthy and successful businessman, on a hunting trip."
This might not be a great example, but what I am trying to show is that I want to get away from sentences where there is too much distance between the modifier and the word that is being modified.
In the first sentence, for example, there is too much distance between "accompany" and "Joseph".
Is there a word or term for this? Does anyone have any advice? Are there any rules to follow?
Any help would be hugely appreciated.
@ClarkKent77,
Yea Clark, good example of commas to clarify. In this case more nearly necessary
I think the first sentence is fine the way it's written. It's clear and unambiguous.
There's a difference in nuance between the original sentence and the rewrite.
@InfraBlue,
Blue you're wrong here...
Quote:"Dave agreed to accompany an incredibly wealthy and successful businessman named Joseph on a hunting trip."
My own instant reaction, "But you're addressing Dale on a Hopeless Adventure; that is you forgot to cap 'hunting' and 'trip' "