Is my boss into me?

Reply Mon 3 Aug, 2015 06:05 am
Hi, I'm a walking cliche. I am a straight mid 20s female, in a relatively happy long-term relationship, that has been working for a large corporation for about a month and a half. I believe my male, married, 40-something boss is interested in me. While he has never made any direct moves on me, the standard signs are all there: lingering eye contact, body language, etc. He is also praising/complimenting me in my work.

Recently, we went out to a work dinner of 13. I could feel him staring at me, I would look over and he would discreetly smirk/smile.

A few weeks ago, a customer came in for a service and when he came to the front desk to finalise his bill, he said that he was to pass on that "he" (my boss) tells him to tell the blonde at the front desk the he sends me his best regards... And the man went on saying I might have a little secret admirer. Ooo ooo.

On another occasion, my boss came in to tell me how to go about something because I am in training and that I'm doing such a good job and put his hand on my should for a long couple seconds. He has also said thanks love. (Which might be normal though?)

He will also come to my desk and ask me to open a part of the screen as he leans in close. He will ask me things that you'd think he should well and truly know as the site manager lol but seems like it is an excuse to chat I feel really.

I'm not explaining the best I can so please bare with me... It's just something new everyday and there is definitely flirting for sure. So it could head in a potentially bad direction, unless I am somehow totally misreading his actions.

The thing is, I am attracted to him as well and am having trouble concealing it, I get soooo nervous when he is around. I feel like I am turning bright red - however, I love my boyfriend and have no intention of losing my job or my relationship over what is most likely a passing fancy with my boss.

So I guess my question is: what's the best way to handle this? I am already expending a lot of emotional energy in controlling my own behavior and I find the idea of directly broaching the topic to be almost too much to bear, so should I just play dumb and ignore the whole issue and hope it blows over?

I'm ashamed to even have to ask about this - I should really know better. I also realize this is a poorly constructed question, but nevertheless, I would appreciate input from anyone who has been in a similar situation or from anyone who can at least help me frame this more objectively.
Reply Mon 3 Aug, 2015 06:27 am
You like all this NOW, but what about when you find out he's really a dirty old man after a young chick?

Do you realize that he is sexually harassing you?
0 Replies
Reply Mon 3 Aug, 2015 06:46 am
This is leaning on the pleasure centers in your brain. It's nice to have attention paid to you, particularly by someone attractive who is in a position of power.

Now look at it objectively. He is the boss and you are a new employee. Does he spend time with other new employees? Spending extra time with the new hire is kind of typical in an office situation.

But let's say he's into you, the whole nine yards. Then this is a horrible position for you to be in. Not only can it turn sour if you put your foot down (even subtly, e. g. you walk in one day with an engagement ring on), it can also potentially turn into office grapevine material. Because, you see, a lot of folks don't like it when it seems like someone gets a promotion or a raise, or dodges a layoff bullet, because they're cute and not because they're at all competent.

Consider talking to HR about getting a mentor in the company from outside of your department. You will have every reason to hang with them (so long as your work is getting done) and your boss will not have a reason to mentor or fake mentor you anymore. This can also be a person you can confide in if it turns into more full-blown flirting/harassment, and they can possibly be your reference if this guy refuses.

Seriously consider putting out feelers to find a different job, too. These flirtations always look cute in the movies, but the person who gets screwed is inevitably the one who is lower in the corporate food chain and that person is nearly always younger and is often female.

Don't become a victim.
Reply Mon 3 Aug, 2015 08:06 am
I doubt his wife likes it either.

Perhaps the OP should imagine her wrath when she thinks about this dirt bag plays flirty flirty with her.

She has probably put up with this for years, over many other young ladies.

Don't flatter yourself that you're the first.
0 Replies

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