more and more devastating

I'm breaking up with you too.
Okay.

I have communicated with you over and over again. You have never listened to anything I have said. I am breaking up with you too. No matter how many threads you start, I am NOT responding ever again until you accurately identify your problem and take constructive steps to correct your problem.

Sorry, but I cannot handle the emotional roller coaster. Your boyfriend couldn't handle it either. But you still don't understand, you don't listen, and this is becoming difficult and exhausting. Sorry for your pain, but I'm moving on.....

I am sorry for your pain. Hey, I am no headshrinker but you obviosly don't listen to anyone - this is a huge problem. Go back and read the excellent advice from Debra_Law.

If you don't start listening you will repeat this with future relationships.

Read the Debra_Law posts, then read them again.

Re: more and more devastating


Okay, go ahead and throw up. It'll probably do you good. Then reread your threads on here and go take a good, hard look at yourself in the mirror.

Frankly, you're making us want to throw up, too. No wonder your boyfriend wants out. Sheesh! You're acting like a whiny, overgrown baby. Grow up.

mchalel--

You keep starting new threads for the same, old problem about the same old you. You keep getting the same old advice--and treating it the same old way.



When was the last time you contacted him? Midnight?

You were warned. Throw up, cry your eyes out and then get on with your life.

I won't wish you "Good Luck" again. You have to make your own luck.

I read in your other post you said "all along i was the one with the upper hand". In my opinion that was the beginning of the end.

I've been on the other side of that equation, and trust me, it's not a comfortable feeling when you perceive the other person as having all the power in a relationship. Out of a lack of self-esteem I learned to keep my problems to myself. It was always ok to work on HER problems, but if I showed any signs of weakness or needed any help I was threatened with her leaving me. At the time I didn't think I could ever meet anyone else.

As my self esteem started to return I felt like how you describe your boyfriend. Like the door to my cage had finally been pried open. I broke up with my girlfriend, with sadness because I really liked her, but it was as if a weight was lifted.

Suddenly her threats ended. She then turned to pleading with me to stay together and promised she would go to counseling, where before she said, "if you can't deal with this, then I'll walk".

Unfortunately my "**** still wasn't together" so I stayed. It's been a difficult time ever since. Many dark days with only occasional breaks in the cloud. My self-esteem may have built a little but it wasn't strong enough to stop me from getting married.

Basically it seems like your boyfriend has more self-esteem than I do.

You CAN'T look at a relationship in terms of who has the upper hand. A relationship should be a partnership, with neither partner blackmailing the other into conformity.

mchalel
I'm with the others. You came here asking for advice and was given the best advice you could possibly get over and over again, but you refused take any of that advice blowing your chances with him over and over again, so now, those people who continuously tried to help you are frustrated to the point where we are fed up as well. I give up as well and will no longer waste my time trying to help someone as selfish as you are. You obviously care about no one but yourself, so I strongly suggest you get a grip and get a life. You'll never get away will treating people like this without them pushing you away, so if you don't mind being alone, then you're all set.
If you didn't plan on using the advice that was given, then why did you ask for help in the first place?

Bye Bye

Most of us can move on "in time". Losing someone you care about, no matter the circumstances is never easy. Even if it is your own fault.

I just feel that for mchalel, it's a totally different situation. She has some serious issues that need to be dealt with. Therefore she has reacted terribly and she probably knows that. But still......nothing could seem to stop her destructive behavior. I'm sure she heard all things that you wonderful people tried to tell her. And no doubt she agreed with you. Still....she continued on. And now has to pay the price.

I guess what I'm trying to say...... is that I don't think she meant to "not listen" to your advice. Or seem unappreciative. I just think she needs professional help. That whatever it is inside of her that is causing this behavior is bigger than she is right now.

Mchalel? PLEASE learn to love yourself and believe in yourself and take that first step and seek help. Consider this situation as an ideal opportunity to audit your life and get everything in order. Imagine the person that you really want to be...and work towards being that person. Get that vison. BE that vision! Then you can be secure in the knowledge that you will be a much better, well rounded person....and an excellent "catch" for your next partner.

Let go of this one......and work on YOU. Just don't try it alone. You truely do need help.

~Brooke

PS- I'm here for you if you need a friend.

I think some people are being too hard on mchalel.

I'm sure she's probably given herself some of the same advice she's received on this forum, yet has been unable to follow it. I know I gave myself some excellent advice early on in my relationship, yet because I was young, inexperienced, and suffering from low-self esteem I couldn't follow it.

I keep thinking of that line from Disney's "Alice in Wonderland".

"I give myself very good advice, but I very seldom follow it."

mchalel, you're still young. Use the emotional pain you're feeling now as a tool for gaining very valuable experience. What I'd suggest, (you're probably thinking right now, "Great MORE advice" ), is to first stop beating yourself up for what's happened. Time only flows in ONE DIRECTION, you cannot change the past, just as your boyfriend couldn't change his. Instead of looking at what's happened as a tragedy, try, (and this will be difficult), to view it as something you can turn to your advantage, put the knowledge you've gained to the best use you can.

Then step back and take a BREAK from dating, all dating. Go out with friends, maybe even find a female friend you can take a short trip with, (not to scout out guys, but to relax). Try to think about what's happened and see if what you can learn from it.

And also go to therapy. Many people view therapy as something only "crazy people" need, but I feel nearly EVERYONE can benefit from an 'emotional tune up'. Just as people go for yearly medical checkups to ensure good physical health, they can go to therapy to help promote good mental health.

As always, I wish you the best.