still sad ):

There's an old saying, "breaking up is hard to do". I know I've had to do it more than a few times in my life. It's never easy. Perhaps it's time to look for someone else? Don't let this person dominate your life. Try to get out and do things that will give your life value!

If you cannot imagine it then I do not know a way it could be adequately explained to you. Loving someone and being with someone do not always go hand in hand. He may love you but feel that you do not really love him. He may love you but feel that you are not good for him. He may love you but it is hard for him to remember that when you will not give him time to think.

He may end up staying with you. He may decide your relationship is worth one more try. He also may think that the relationship is over and you just do not realize it yet. If that is the case he may stay with you figuring you will just eventually break up with him.

I get the impression that he broke up with you (or said he broke up with you) out of anger and frustration, but you should realize that your subsequent actions may convince him of the rightness of that action. He says he needs time. If you do not give that to him then frankly you deserve whatever you get. He needs that time to think about whether this relationship was working out for the both of you. He needs that time to see if the good outweighs the bad. He needs that time to be sure that being in that relationship is something he really wants to do.


This is what it comes down to. You seem to have taken him for granted in a number of ways, and you seem more fixated on his past and your past then concerned with the present you both shared. If you do not give him time to himself then it comes across two ways:
1) You have neither respect nor care for his needs and therefore do not love him.
2) You are so afraid he is going to leave you that you are trying to prevent him from contemplating it. This not only can come across as needy, but it can be interpreted as justification for him to leave you.

I do feel for you, and know that this will take a while to heal if it does not work out. It sounds, though, that staying in that relationship may do more harm than good for you. You obviously have things you need to work out for yourself, and if he stays with you, you may not get around to fixing the thinsg you need to fix and he may just leave in the future again. It is probably best for you to work on yourself at the moment and just wait and see. I know it is not easy, but taking soem time for yourself for introspection may result in a world of good for both of you.

Re: still sad ):


Mchalel:

You need to go back through your most recent posts and read the responses you received. You may have read them, but they did not register in your mind.

This is exactly why your relationship ended. He communicated to you over and over again how he felt and what he needed to make the relationship work.

Everything he said [and what many of us here have said] went in one of your ears and out the other without making any impression on you.

You emotionally battered your man and never really listened to him. You didn't consider his feelings, you did not respect his needs. You focused on yourself and your obsessive need to boost your own ego at his expense. You did it because you thought you had the "upper hand" and that he would never leave you.

Even now, you have not internalized anything that anyone has said to you. You're still focused on youself, your own feelings, and what you want.

A mature, self-respecting man will not place you on a pedestal, worship you like a goddess, and stomach whatever emotional abuse that you want to throw his way. In a mature relationship, both parties will respect themselves, respect each other, consider each other's feelings and needs, and will treat each other like equals. No one has the "upper hand."

Again, go back and read the responses to your most recent posts and try to digest and understand them. Then come back and tell us what you think you ought to do to fix yourself so this doesn't happen in the future. You will find tons of support once you accurately identify the problem and search for solutions.

Debra has given you excellent advice.

What part of "I need time and space." do you not understand? Your guy may love you. He does not love your possessive jealousy. Just how do you suggest that he erase his past? Or do you plan to nag him forever?

This turns him off--and you don't seem to care.

Do you love him less when he emphasises his wants and needs? This is the way you're coming across.

mchalel, how many threads are you going to start so people can say, "Leave him alone, and get some counselling."?

The poor guy keeps telling you to give him some space, and you keep pushing things. Have you not learned anything from this?

re
I'm going to give him his space. I just fear that he will forget about me and be happier without me. I guess if that is the case then it just means that it wasnt meant to be ): It's just so hard not knowing what will happen, i was so used to talking to him everyday. Now he wont even respond to me....

Good resolution! Following your common sense and implementing that resolution will be the hard part, but if you want him back badly enough....

Good luck.

Me, Me, Me, Me


mchalel:

"I fear he will forget about ME."

"I fear he will be happier without ME."

AGAIN, you put YOUR feelings first. You obsessively NEED to be first in his thoughts to the exclusion of everything else in his life--including his PAST (which he can never erase).

You obsessively NEED to know that he is the HAPPIEST with you.

You obsessively need constant reassurance. You need, you need, you need . . . . you need to feed your obsessive needs. Wow, it's exhausting!

What you truly need is counseling so you can resolve whatever irrational insecurities (or FEARS) you may have that trigger your destructive, impulsive behavior.

Good luck, mchalel.

In my opinion one side of the relationship having the "uppper hand" all along is a sign of big trouble. If one side has the upper hand that means the other side is suffocating in the relationship.

Apparantly he had enough of being under your hand and he's trying to escape.

I feel bad for you, but if you want any chance with this guy, (or future guys), you have to try to find a relationship where there's a bond based on mutual responsibility, not one where one partner has the upper hand.

Good luck and try to stay calm.

sigh!!!