How can I let go and go with the flow?

Tell him that you'll miss him when he leaves, and promise to write, call, text, whatever is your preferred method of communication.

Then go out and meet other people. And don't beat yourself up if you forget to write, call, or text him after a while.

I find it odd (as in, really odd) that you would change your life for someone you just talk to on occasion. Most people, if they move to be near someone, it means rings have been exchanged, or at least 'I love yous'. If you wanted to be near your parents and he was a convenient excuse, then own up to that. If you wanted more and now that's not happening (and in four years it seems as if it never has), then you are going to have to let that go.

And maybe learn that, if something like this might have a chance to happen again, that changing your life for someone who isn't at all committed to you is kind of a waste of your resources. And maybe also that waiting that long for someone to make a move is a waste of your time. You can make the first move; there is nothing at all wrong with that.

Hi jespah

Thanks so much for taking the time out to respond. I appreciate it.

Yes, I understand where that odd feeling comes from. There's actually more to the story that I can't really describe on here.

We have a very professional relationship and a line that can't be crossed and as much as I realize that it's a waste of time, I find it so hard to just let go. I completely understand what you're trying to say and know I have to move forward but just don't know how. It's like I'm stuck in a rut. He's most likely
going to transfer next March and as weird as it sounds, I feel like I would feel better if he just ups and leaves.

You make a decision to Act - ie. do something that achieves what you need, even if the first step is only a small step...then do another thing...then another (that is aimed at achieving what you need)

Your beliefs and emotions are more affected by your current actions than any other one thing in your life - especially if your actions are consistent (the same actions, or a consistent theme) and done over a period of time (the longer the period of consistent action, the more impact they have).

Few people have the ability to talk themselves out of their own thoughts - especially when their emotionally vested. And those that can do this, still couple it with action.

What actions are you taking to meet available, appropriate for you, people?

Thank you, vikorr.

It's a good point. I'll try that out.

I do have a small group of people I hang out with on occasion, but I also enjoy spending time on my own. As for meeting guys, my mothe introduced me to a guy a few months ago but that hasn't really headed anywhere and a friend of mine introduced me to this guy who I met up with along with some other people 2 weeks ago, but I'm a bit hesitant and don't completely trust him just yet. He's nice, though.

You need to take responsibility for your own destiny. Passively allowing his transfer decisions to run your life is not a good idea, and it wasn't before.

You are an adult. A big part of what comes in the surprise package that we get when we become grownups is that you decide the big, basic stuff of your life - where you live, who (if anyone) you live with, whether you have children, whether you save money, whether you eat right and exercise, whether you further your education, where you work, whether you act on your attractions to others. And, also, whether you set yourself up for failure or success in any of these areas.

As ehBeth asks, what are you doing to meet more appropriate people? And as vikorr says, what are you doing to consciously pull yourself out of your funk and inertia?

The key is in your hands, but you have to be the one to shove it in the lock and turn it.

I am curious as to WHY you feel you should even consider "following" a casual relationship with a major-life move.

How was it that you did this in the first place? Did he ask you? or did you just move to be by him? Does he know you "followed" him?

You don't mention WHAT he thinks or says about all this.

Hi jespah

Thanks once again for your reply.

That's the thing...as much as I know this in my head, it's very difficult and I think I just may be plain stubborn. It's honestly a problem.

I didn't ask what your mother has done or what your friends have done.

I asked what you have done to meet someone who is available to you.

You seem very passive about your own life. Someone you see occasionally asks you to move. ok. People introduce you to others. ok.

You need to take some kind of action.

Either tell transfer-guy that you're interested, would like to date him (that means seeing him a few times a week) or get on with your life without him.

Hi PUNKEY

Sorry, my post wasn't that clear. I didn't mean that I physically moved houses to be near him. Our relationship isn't a casual one. We have a professional relationship and last year, he was being transferred to a different location, so he asked me if I'd like to "follow" him. In this case, I didn't have to move homes or re-locate. I'm not in the states and being transferred here usually means being transferred to a different location but unlike the states, it's usually not THAT far off, although the commute can be hectic. So, he was hoping to continue seeing me at his new location.

However, before he asked whether I'd like to follow him, he knew his transfer was coming up soon so he became very distant and almost cold from about a few months prior. It ended up that the new location was closer to my home so it was most likely the reason he asked me if I'd like to follow.

And now that he's going to be transferred again at the beginning of next year, I just don't know what to do.

The thing is, he has been extremely kind to me ever since we met, but most of that is probably because he was just trying to be nice just like he would to anyone else.

Anyhow, I'm trying to be strong and trying to just go with the flow and let things just happen as they go along. I'm trying but I'm very afraid of "losing" him and I don't like feeling like that.

ehBeth

Thanks.