"OLDER WOMEN" BY ANDY ROONEY

Older Women by Andy Rooney

"As I grow in age, I value older women most of all. Here are just a few
reasons why:

An older woman will never wake you in the middle of the night to ask, "What
are you thinking?" She doesn't care what you think.

An older woman knows herself well enough to be assured in who she is, what
she
is, what she wants and from whom. Few women past the age of
50 give a damn what you might think about her.

An older single woman usually has had her fill of
"meaningful relationships"and "commitment." The last thing she needs in her
life is another dopey, clingy, whiny, dependent lover!

Older women are dignified. They seldom have a
screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive
restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you
if they think they can get awaywith it.

Most older women cook well. They care about
cleanliness and are generous with praise, often undeserved.

An older woman has the self-assurance to introduce you to her women friends.

A younger woman with a man will often ignore even her best friend because
she
doesn't trust the guy with other women. Older women couldn't care less.

Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to an
older
woman. They always know.

An older woman looks good wearing bright red
lipstick. This is not true of younger women or drag queens.

Older women are forthright and honest. They'll tell you right off you are a
jerk if you are acting like one.

Yes, we praise older women for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it's
not
reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coifed babe
of 70 there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of
himself
with some 22 year old waitress.

Ladies, I apologize for all of us. That men are
genetically inferior is no secret. Count your blessings that we die off at a
far younger age, leaving you the best part of your lives to appreciate the
exquisite woman you've become, without the distraction of some demanding old
man
clinging and whining his way into your
serenity,"