Reply
Tue 21 Jul, 2015 01:47 am
Hey! My name is Jessica
Been reading here for pretty long and it has helped me a lot. Now I'm hoping you guys can help me out again with my first post.
I decided to try online dating and found an amazing man living in another city 45 min away from me. We've been speaking for about a month and I've figured that he's definitely a man of my life. At first I had a great game and was even impressed by myself. But the more I talked to him and got more comfortable.
Date 1: Took a walk, he guided me around her city
Date 2: Dinner
Date 3: he took the train to my city and we discovered Stockholm together, then dinner. All the time holding hands. We finished the date with cinema, but we kissed more than looking at the actual movie.
As usual I sent a message after the date saying "Had a great time, I want to see you again soon". He suggested that I should come visit him then, so 3 days later I did.
Date 4: First took a walk then movie at his place. His mother called and he answered "I'm with Jes, talk later". That means he had mentioned me to his mother? Probably good? During the movie we started making out. We didn't go further though. At 00:00 I left cause I knew he was going up early and me too (Tuesday). I sent him a text saying "Hope to see u soon )<3". He replied "Of course! and a kiss smiley".
Our next conversation was on snapchat. I commented on his story, wished him a great weekend (went to visit his friend)
I was a bit surprised that he didn't text me like he used to, so sent him a "thinking about you" on Sunday evening when I knew he'd be home. he replied with just a smiley and asked if I had a great weekend. The conversation continued, but he was a bit cold and not as flirty as he used to be. I invited him to my place and told him I'd try to beat his friend in the MasterChef challenge.
Here comes the problem. He denied and said he was busy whole week with studies. He didn't say that he wanted to see me, but not that he didn't want to see me either. I continued the conversation a bit and he replied even though I didn't ask questions, but still cold.
I've probably fucked up totally. My current plan is to not text him in a week and see what happens. Fellas! Please give me some tips, because I really like this man and don't want to blow it! Don't tell me It's too late.
Texts, snaps, etc. are really, really easy to misinterpret. There's no context. We don't know what he's thinking.
And neither do you.
So instead of no contacting him, how about picking up the phone (don't text; make the effort to have a telephone conversation) and talking to him? And instead of asking what do you mean by __, instead just make it a positive - I'm going to the movies on Saturday. Would you like to come along? And see what he says.
Yeah, you're asking him out. That's what being a grown, confident woman is (partly) about. You get to set an agenda and a schedule. This will cut through the noise. Because either he says yes, or he says he is busy (and then you ask for alternate days/times three times before throwing in the towel), or he out and out says it's 'not working out'.
PS If he does claim it's 'not working out', it may very well be because you were at his place and didn't sleep with him. Sorry, but that may have been his expectation (not necessarily a correct or proper one, or one that makes you comfortable, but don't discount it as a possibility).
But either way, pick up the phone and have a conversation. If you have, as you think, blown it already, then there's no harm. And if you haven't, then you'll have a better understanding of this guy and will have taken some initiative in this nascent relationship.
Don't let inertia or someone else's agenda decide on your life for you. #protip
@NovaSarah,
My opinion of online dating is anyone can seem like the love of our lives. But given teh transient nature of these relationships when they transition from virtual to real-world suggests we're projecting a lot of our ideals onto people we only know remotely.
While it can work, it's important to remember that we project ourselves into things we read. Consequently we don't get all the little nuances and body language cues which would inform us otherwise with a face-to-face interaction.
Stumble It!
Tweet This
Bookmark on Delicious
Share on Facebook
Share on MySpace