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Tue 7 Jul, 2015 05:00 pm
I stsrted talking to a guy about a month ago. He was so nice and great in the beginning. In fact, i almost felt he liked me too much at first and things could be going to quick. We had an instant connection, and unfortunatly slept with eachother early on. Our chemistry both sexually and non sexually was great, and even he agreed on that. He was wonderful! He was constantly surprising me with dinner reservations, and making wonderful plans to do fun things together. We went to dinner one night a few weeks ago, and had an amazing time. That night we had sex after dinner and all throughout the next morning. He dropped me off at my place that next morning, came in and played with my dog, then kissed me goodbye and said he would call. He usually was pretty good about staying in touch with me, but that day i realized i wasnt hearing from him much. Around 5 that day i asked him what he was doing and he said at the pool with some friends. Since it was a saturday night around 8:30 i text and said hey what r u doing tonight?! Well, i never got a response until midnight! At that point i found out that he was out drunk with friends. Needless to say at this point i thought he was doing the typical shady thing guys do when they begin to cut u off, and becoming distant. Long story short i got pretty crappy via text and told him how i felt it was immature to ignore me and act weird. When i told him this he continued to ignore. The next day he text me and said we could talk about my worries about the relationship. I text him exactly how i felt and said i just want someone who stays in touch with me and doesnt ignore....he then ignored me the entire day after i said this! The next monday he said that he tried calling me to talk and he screen shoted all of his calls. I actually never had any missed calls from him though because my phone had been acting strange. We spoke a bit via text over the next few days. On thursday he text saying all he had been doing was thinking about me, he couldnt get me off of his mind and he wanted me to come over and talk and have some wine with him. I came over to have some wine and he kissed me and apologized for being so mean. We then had sex the entire night. He went home the following day for 4th of July weekend. At the beginning of the weekend he was good with texting me, but then on the 4th i didnt hear from him the entire day. The next day apparently he came back to town, and immediatly went out with friends. He then called me at 11pm after i text asking if he made it home?! It was during that phone call that i calmly told him i like him a lot, but needed more effort if we are going to work out. I said i dont like going entire days without hearing from you. I said even on the 4th u never text to see how my day had been. I explained when im dating someone i want them to act like they care more and hear from them more. He then basically went off and said he needed someone independent, and it was too early on for me to be complaining because he barely even knows me.
I said he knows me well enough to constantly have sex! He basically defended everything and told me he was stressed about his job and some family issues, so either i could accept his effort or move on! I got off the phone with him, and havent heard from him in almost two days :/ im upset about this though! I need opinions please?! Does he just not care at all?!
@Heathernicoleuk ,
This is what I would call a Mexican standoff. From what I see you're both right...or are both stating what works for each of you.
However, that being said, from what you've written, the direction so far seems to be a bit lop-sided on the sexual intimacy side and not as much on the getting to know one another better side.
If you think he's worth it, then work it out. Be a bit less demanding. He, OTOH, needs to be more consistent with his contact. Are you sure he's not married or in some committed relationship? Does he have a demanding job, kids, an elderly parent or dependent that needs his attention?
@Ragman,
Thanks for the advice! Im sure he is not in another relationship. He dated a girl for 4 years and they broke up a couple of years back. He told me that he is about to lose his job, and his brother and his wife got divorced so its been a lot going on. Either way...seems kinda like excuses....i feel when a guy is into u they make more effort. In addition, i also know he made a lot of effort in the beginning, and he went from that to hardly any effort, soooo its all been confusing!
@Heathernicoleuk ,
BTW, welcome to A2K
Quote:He told me that he is about to lose his job, ...
Isn't that a major psychological stressor? You need to better understand what is going in his world. That would totally freak me out...especially in this economy. Who knows what kinds of stress he's under and his indebtedness...etc?
I see that it's gotten to be confusing. You've only known one another a month, though! Not long at all.
Well, it sounds like you're communicating what your needs are. If you're finding a way to tell him without being defensive, that's all you can do. Sometimes it's not what you say, but how you say it.
Also, the timing is everything. Right now for him, it's an intense demanding time. If you think this relationship's worth it, then be patient as you can be.
I wish you well.
@Ragman,
Thank u for your advice! I enjoy hearing your perspective and opinion:)
@Heathernicoleuk ,
Wishing you the best. Let us know what's happening and keep us all informed.
As you know, a good loving relationship takes time. It takes time for someone to commit and get used to and trust the other person. A month can be a bit too accelerated for most of us. Give it some more time, if you can. Have I ever steered you wrong yet?
@Ragman,
Yes u are right...at this point im just not going to contact hom.
I will leave it up to him and see what happens
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