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Weird relation with this guy friend, now we seem to be in a big cold: what to think or do ?

 
 
Reply Mon 6 Jul, 2015 01:03 am
This guy and I met a year and a half a go, became friends and really clicked. He even courted me at first, was very sweet and caring, he'd compliment me, walk me to my bus stop each evening, was flirty and a bit touchy, but he never clearly mentionned he was interested, and he had a girlfriend. He dumped her 2 weeks after we had met, he told me, out of the blue (regarding his attitude towards me, I had no idea he had a gf and he never mentioned her). He kept being gentle for a little bit and I was seriously falling for him, then he suddenly changed.
He started to make real undelicate jokes about me, my family, my appearance, my origins, everything. He said it was just humour, but it felt aggressive towards me and i'm not one of his guy friends. 5 months after we had met I had to move to a different town. We had already become a bit more distant at this point, but still shared a nice connection (when he wasn't making too many hurtful jokes). I distanced myself cause his attitude was hurting me, and I had started to like him and felt like there was no hope. There were many unsaid things between us, at least on my side. But judging from his weird changes of attitudes, also on his maybe.

He asked for news a few weeks after I had left, but the correspondence died fast after I had replied. He was busy with very important exams I must say, but well. He called me once weeks after, but to ask for help for stg... and kept making bad jokes again, I was offended and felt used, we had a fight on Skype. I told him what i thought about his attitude, that i was tired of it, he seemed offended, he always blames me. We talked again a bit after that, again cause he needed help for stg and as I still truly liked him I accepted -(and he also asked for news but he could have before and without needing my help for stg) but I voluntarily distanced myself and stopped showing signs of affection when we'd talk, not always picking up the phone when he'd call... I was tired of being so hurt and mistreated. I could feel things were weird, awkward, disagreable in our interactions, the little sparkle was gone i guess. It's been 7 months and we haven't talked since then. He hasn't even asked for news, he hasn't apologized while a year ago we would talk everyday. He knows that I'm in a difficult period and very stressing period right now, he doesn't try to ask how I am or to offer me support, even if I did support him when he needed me enenthough his attitude didn't quite encourage me to do so and it was a bit painful for me. What do u think happenned , does it look like we're never gonna be in touch again? How can people/guys change so fast, have you ever experienced that and is there anything to do?

I miss talking to him (the nice him, not the douchebag), this situation hurts, I'm considering cutting it off for good, and deleting him from facebook. Then at least I can't look his profile up anymore and I know we're not gonna talk again, it's harsh, but maybe better than false hopes. But there's no going back after that, and I know he'll be very offended. He is proud. What would you do ? Would it look childish of me to delete him ?
It's hard to let go of the hope....
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Type: Question • Score: 2 • Views: 509 • Replies: 3
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Debra Law
 
  1  
Reply Mon 6 Jul, 2015 04:03 am
@NinaC233,
He sounds awful. You asked him not to make you and your family the brunt of his "jokes" because they weren't jokes to you, they were hurtful and offensive. He's an offensive, obnoxious, and hurtful person--not someone who you can ever be truly happy with in any kind of long lasting relationship. Don't agonize! delete him! it is truly better to be single than in a relationship with a jerk.
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Ragman
 
  2  
Reply Mon 6 Jul, 2015 07:44 am
@NinaC233,
Bottom line is he's quite toxic. He has no respect for you and others. Making fun of others...he looks down on...sarcasm..those are signs of an anti-social jerk. Rid yourself of such people. Big Freeze ...is not enough. End it completely. You'll be far better off.

Turn the page. You're stuck in the habit of contact with someone you THOUGHT and fantasized existed. he never was what you thought he was.

Furthermore, you got sort of addicted to being in some sort of relationship. He became abusive and you became victimized by his bad behavior. He is immature and manipulative.

There's plenty of decent people you could meet who would be much better to you if you made yourself available. Take some reasonable amount of time and find some social things to do that allow you to meet these new people with whom you have something in common.

Turn the page on abusers.
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Ragman
 
  1  
Reply Mon 6 Jul, 2015 09:08 am
@NinaC233,
Also you mention something about stg. I've no idea what that means...and I doubt anyone else does...but that's just a guess on my part.
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