Message or not?

Forums: Relationships, Dating, Affair
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About 2 months ago I was contacted by a separated women through a married dating site. She was clear that she had no interest in a serious relationship, which was fine with me. We met 2 times and messaged each other frequently over the next 3 weeks. I am new to affairs, and after 20 plus years of marriage, was a little nervous, but she was very understanding. She is fun to talk to, attractive to me, and getting together is very convenient for both of us. I did find over the last few years that finding someone who meets those criteria is difficult. I was initially a little infatuated with her, which I didn't do a great job of hiding. Soon afterwards, she spent a lot of time dealing with health problems of her extended family as well as some of her own. We met again a few weeks ago just to catch up socially. I messaged her a couple of times regarding these items both to be supportive and offer my expertise, but she usually does not respond. I know she is going through a lot the next few weeks. My question is do I not contact her again and wait to see if she reaches out to me sometime in the future, or do I wait a month or so and send a quick message to ask how she is doing.

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Type: Question • Score: 1 • Views: 1,014 • Replies: 15

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@Iman94,

Personally I'd suggest waiting for her to contact you - and in the meantime go back to the dating site and look for someone new.

It's not like there was going to be an actual relationship anyways.

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@ehBeth,

Thanks. I have been very proactive doing exactly what you recommend for the last month or so.

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Forget her. Apparently she wants to honor her marriage vows and is off the market.

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@Iman94,

I know this joke is not appropriate but... maybe she does not respond because she is already dead. How old is she? 60? Very Happy

#oldiesdatingissues

My apology. Bad humour! Baad hamster Vernon!

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@Iman94,

I wonder how it looks like when 2 old people make love. It must be... gross. Like as if 2 walruses fight by bouncing against each other and try to tear off something from other's mouth Smile

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@Vernon of Prague,

Hey Vernon, I look like someone your age, but I last more than 3 pumps. That is why the women your age are all interested in older guys.

1 Reply

@Vernon of Prague,

What an idiotic stupid post.

The end

1 Reply

@Iman94,

Not trying to go off topic per-say nor judge etc, the way I read your post suggests that you are married.

I'm just curious as to what you are missing in your marriage to want an affair?

Or are you happy in your marriage and have just fantasized about doing it and now finally had that chance?

1 Reply

@Iman94,

Quote:

Hey Vernon, I look like someone your age, but I last more than 3 pumps. That is why the women your age are all interested in older guys.

with all sincerity, older men are more popular among women then younger - they do look good, if they take care of themselves, they are more resourceful and also much more experienced and skill full with women. So, yes, It's quite possible that women will see you much more attractive then me Wink

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@FOUND SOUL,

dear FOUND SOUL,

please don't feel offended. It was a joke.

to be continued maybe? Smile

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@FOUND SOUL,

A huge mismatch in libido despite multiple conversations got me started. After this initial encounter and in subsequent "dates" with others, conversations have been much more pleasant and interesting than at home, where they tend to be negative and one sided, although it is not a level playing field in regards to having something new to discuss. I guess that is something to work around.

1 Reply

@Iman94,

Fair enough.

I understand these things are not always available knowledge before marriage but I often wonder, why people remain in sexless marriages or mis-matched marriages or ones without real context no matter how hard they have tried to marry the two more together.

I personally believe we have one life and one life only and if not happy, move on.

At least you spend the rest of your life with someone compatible on a daily basis and oh so happy, instead of waiting to see this "affair person" or being hurt when it ends, either person and then trying again to find someone else, consistently on a roller coaster of un-happiness with some happiness in between.

1 Reply

@FOUND SOUL,

Very wise advice. It is complicated when you feel like you know someone well before marriage, and they change. Even more complicated when kids are at home and at critical stages of development.

1 Reply

@Iman94,

Yes, I know "children" Smile

But at some point in time, we need to look at that and realise that those children are fully aware that Mum and Dad don't laugh, don't show much love and that's not good for them. They will take what they see, feel into their own lives and may not even be capable of truly loving, as this is all they know.

I would state if you wish to remain for now then fill the house with love still because those kids deserve to know what that is.

Then you are doing the right thing by your children.

At some point as well, you have to do what is right for you. We only live as "us" once.

1 Reply

@FOUND SOUL,

personally I think single parenthood is much better then loveless marriage. I have friends who's parents are divorced and difficult times tough them how to be hardworking, self sufficient etc. The important issue in such matter is not to cause emotional trauma to the infant - if he grows up with parents that show bad example of relationship, he will believe all relationships are like that and what more, he will naturally incline to similar minded people and create bad marriage for somebody else...

I am not saying what to do. All I say that above all, innocent people's life is at stake...

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