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Sex frustrations

 
 
Dpot123
 
Sat 27 Jun, 2015 07:50 am
Hey guys
I a 15 year old guy with some worries and i thought why not share them, and see what people think about it. So i'm 15 and never had any relationship with a girl my age, never touched a girl from my age, and i just find it hard to communicate with them. The only place i meet girls is in school, and unless your good with girls, they will only care about the popular guys. I'm not a nobody at school, but not popular as well. I'm just afraid i will end up depressed when i'm 18 when maybe even than i have had any success with girls. And the thing is i actually communicate really good with woman yes woman 18+ , people always tend to say i'm mature for my age, also i'm not socially awkward or anything, i have some friends from school (even dow i don't hang out with them much) and i communicate good with family etc . I do am a little shy with girls, but nothing extreme like that, also i will move to a private school next year, where i know the girls are more mature, but gosh i'm just worried and it's constantly on my mind.
I hope you guys have some advice
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Krumple
 
  -1  
Sat 27 Jun, 2015 08:20 am
@Dpot123,
Dpot123 wrote:

Hey guys
I a 15 year old guy with some worries and i thought why not share them, and see what people think about it. So i'm 15 and never had any relationship with a girl my age, never touched a girl from my age, and i just find it hard to communicate with them.


This is because you are defeating yourself. You are too concerned about what they think of you so you hesitate or hold back. The reason you do this is an evolutionary defense mechanism. Long ago our ancestors if they attempted to seek out a mate but failed they might never have another opportunity so this fear of rejection is built in and natural. However; our society is different than it was a hundred thousand years ago. If we don't mate right away there are still plenty of opportunities to do so. So this fear of rejection is irrational.

Dpot123 wrote:

The only place i meet girls is in school, and unless your good with girls, they will only care about the popular guys. I'm not a nobody at school, but not popular as well.


Women tend to be drawn toward the self confident male who stands out and also when other women like a particular guy they will jump on the bandwagon. However; it's not always the case, it's just what is easier and safer for them to deal with. But once again you are lumping too much on to them. You haven't even given them a chance to reject you. You reject yourself by assuming they wouldn't want anything to do with you because you are not popular. You fail before you even begin.

Dpot123 wrote:

I'm just afraid i will end up depressed when i'm 18 when maybe even than i have had any success with girls. And the thing is i actually communicate really good with woman yes woman 18+ , people always tend to say i'm mature for my age, also i'm not socially awkward or anything,


You will only end up this way if you constantly tell yourself that you are not good enough, or what they are looking for. You are your own worst enemy. Stop assuming you know exactly how they will react to you. If you are constantly thinking about rejection you won't have comfortable conversations and you won't be appealing. They will notice you are preoccupied with something. So your own fear of rejection is causing them not to be interested.

Dpot123 wrote:

i have some friends from school (even dow i don't hang out with them much) and i communicate good with family etc . I do am a little shy with girls, but nothing extreme like that, also i will move to a private school next year, where i know the girls are more mature, but gosh i'm just worried and it's constantly on my mind.
I hope you guys have some advice


The trick is to change your outlook and your mindset. You should always approach a woman without any intentions what so ever. In fact it should be as if you are just joking around with a friend. No big deal. She is just another guy. Because if she were a guy you wouldn't have any fears of being rejected right? You aren't afraid to be yourself around men right? If you alter your perspective enough to cancel out your fear of rejection, she will see you are comfortable, confident and fun to be around and naturally she will be attracted to you.

This is the thing successful men do. They treat all women as if they are nothing special at first. It's to bypass the fear of rejection.

"If she is nothing to sweat about then if she rejects me, no big loss."

This mindset allows you to be playful, because you aren't worried about offending her or worried about if she will like you. She will be interested purely on the basis that you are not behaving like an intimidated male she is use to seeing. This will come across as having confidence.

Treat her like shes just one of the guys. Joke, tease her, nudge her, push her away. All these things seem to go against what your instinct tells you. You want her close, you want her to like you, so why would you do these things. It's because she is use to guys pining over her, telling her everything she wants to hear, being overly nice. She's seen it dozens of times. She's not interested in that. The guys who stand out are the ones that seem unobtainable. A prize.

Make her chase you instead of chasing her. You can do this by treating her like she is just another guy. Some guys don't like to use this because it's like you are mixing male and female attraction. No it's just a trick to get your mind to stop thinking about being rejected. You aren't afraid of rejection when you are around other guys. You don't really care if they like you. This allows you to be silly and comfortable around guys. You can say what ever you want around guys and have no fear they are not going to accept you.

So when you get into this mindset she will be surprised that you aren't acting like the typical shy male. That you are not bending over backwards for her like all the other nice guys attempt to do. But those guys bore her.

Do what ever you can to bypass this fear. It will never go away, and there is nothing you can do to make it go away. But you can trick your mind into not focusing on it by changing the situation.
Dpot123
 
  1  
Sat 27 Jun, 2015 02:30 pm
@Krumple,
Hey thanks a lot for your awnser, it helped a lot. Onl problem is, i just ain't that confident with people my age, it's getting better but still aproaching random people is kinda scary to me, i'm going turkey this summer and i know there will be some hella hot tourists there, but to just approach them, won't they think i'm a creep, what will i even say. It's kinda difficult for me, any tips?
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HesDeltanCaptain
 
  1  
Fri 21 Aug, 2015 06:09 am
@Dpot123,
Who we are at 15 rarely describes us later. Wouldn't sweat it then. Success with girls right now shouldn't be a concern. Figure out instead what you enjoy learning about and figure out if you can make that into a career.

No better way to screw up your life than getting a girl pregnant now, or an STI that you have to disclose to every new partner for the rest of your life. Time enough for that later. Right now you should have other priorities.
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