Weird Constant Feeling in Penis, Considering Suicide

This problem started occurring December of 2007 at the age of 15. I’m now 22 years old, and I’ve had this problem for nearly 8 years which has been ruining my life.

Let me begin this description with a disclaimer: There is absolutely 100% nothing physically wrong with the penis. Many doctors, including a urologist, said it looks perfectly normal. I even had a cystoscopy (camera down the urethra) and nothing was found.

The location is the glands of the penis head, just below the urethra. It’s hard to describe the sensation I’m having. It’s a faint tenderness that’s constantly there, 24 hours a day. At first it starts light, but slowly gets more and more sensitive until I put more pressure on it. When I put pressure on it (the main example is physically holding down or pinching it with my hands, but also rubbing it against something or lying on it works as well) the penis head will eventually pulsate, and I’ll feel something close to a subtle, miniature orgasm. Of course, this isn’t an actual orgasm, nothing comes out after all. I’m just explaining the sensation I feel. Sometimes when I put pressure on it, it will pulsate instantly, and do it a couple of times. Sometimes I have to keep pushing onto it for a good 30 seconds before it happens. It’s extremely annoying.

If I don’t put pressure on this area of the penis, the sensation will get more and more sensitive (I should note that the more sensitive the sensation gets, the more quickly the penis will “release” once I put more pressure on it). If I don’t put pressure on it after a good 4 or 5 minutes, it becomes so sensitive that the fabric of my underwear will cause it to pulsate, and if I’m not wearing anything, just the air will be enough to do the trick. After the penis pulsates, the sensation goes away, or is reset, for a few seconds. It’s only temporary relief of this extremely annoying feeling. I like to compare it to an itch of sorts. An itch is very annoying, but when you scratch it you get a great sense of relief as your body rewards you when endorphins are released. Except in this case, it’s with me forever, and the relief only lasts a couple of seconds.

For my medical history, when this first started becoming a problem, my parents took me to see several general family doctors who couldn’t think of anything, even after the cystoscopy. I then saw a chiropractor for about a year, which didn’t help with anything either. During that time I was given amitriptyline and gabapentin, but none of them worked at all. I had also stopped masturbating for a good 2-3 weeks and no changes were made. I had given up in around 2009 and tried to live with it. 5 years later, in early 2014, I tried to see more specialty doctors. First was an urologist, who also couldn’t think of what this possibly could be. He suggested a re-circumcision (I am already circumcised), as apparently it resets the nerves and could be a solution. My problem with this was, if it didn’t heal my unknown problem, I’d be all stitched up and in a situation where I’m not supposed to be touching it post-surgery, and would STILL need to be putting pressure on my penis for temporary relief. With the urologist not having the slightest clue, I went to a neurologist.

The neurologist assumed it was some type of nerve damage. He tried many things; Lyrica, Savella, gabapentin cream, and many visits to a physical therapist. None of these worked even in the slightest. It’s interesting to note that the gabapentin cream was able to numb anything I applied it to, but the sensation was still there when my penis was numbed, suggesting that the problem lied even deeper. His last idea was a capsaicin cream, but didn’t prescribe it to me because he said you’re not supposed to apply it near the urethra. After an entire year of numerous guesses, he also gave up like everyone else.

My whole high school and college social life has been thrown away because this problem has made me so depressed. I can’t focus on anything because I constantly have to be touching my penis the entire day. The only way I can fall asleep is when I’m so tired I literally pass out, which is usually at like 5 or 6 AM, and if I’m woken up by anything, it’s impossible for me to go back to sleep. I’m 22 years old and I’ve never had a job in my life because this horrible problem is just too distracting. The worst thing about this is that it’s such an embarrassing problem that only my parents know about it. My friends, old classmates, and potential employers just see me as a lazy loser who never bothered to apply himself anywhere. I don’t even know if I can get disability because nobody knows what these symptoms are. No, I DON’T want disability. I want to work, I want to do all these things normal things everyone else is privileged enough to do. I am actually considering suicide if this problem isn’t resolved soon enough.

So, what should I do? I’m extremely desperate. I just want this annoying sensation gone. Can I numb just the glands part of my penis? Should I go ahead and get that capsaicin cream even though I was advised against it? Should I really get re-circumcised just for the chance that it doesn’t fix anything and makes my life even worse? Should I manually mutilate it, or just cut it off and hope there isn’t a phantom pain-like situation? Please, anyone, tell me what I’m supposed to do at this point in my life.